Another Free Write

Seems to be another one of those unbloggerly days. Er, weeks...month? I usually have so much to write about--what's up now?

Part of it's the holidays. I've been trying to avoid that discussion, but it's the one that keeps trying to pop up. Facebook actually looks tamer this year than it has in the past (or maybe it's just me). I haven't noticed as many anti-Christmas posts.

Then, I've also been busy. Was sick one weekend, visited home another weekend. Recovering from nanowrimo. Trying to get back into working on my story. Have I really been that busy though? I suppose part of it is simply that I've gotten out of the habit. After a month without blogging, you start to just forget about it.

So, where to from here? For the most part, for once, I actually feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. As I watch my first novel take shape, I feel like I am fulfilling part of what I was made for. There are a few other things too that I've finally been able to do, that before I would only dream about. It's strange--when I see what I must do but don't do it, I feel an urge to talk about it and it makes me feel better. But when I do it, the need to talk goes away. It's almost like talking about doing good becomes an empty replacement for actually doing good. I hope I make sense.

Speaking of which, one area where I still feel I lack is in Sabbath. Having a job that requires me to work on Sabbath doesn't help--but still, I feel I could do more to honor the Sabbath day as holy. To find delight in the Sabbath. It almost feels like those days when we were first starting to keep the Sabbath. Remember those days? When it was work not to work? We're so used to constantly going, it's hard to slow down. It's so hard to slow down.

How can we learn to slow down?

Made For Dancing

Inspired by Mason Clover's song "Made for Dancing", one of Yeshua's parables, and a friend on crutches

There once was a king who was preparing for his son's wedding. So he went out to find guests to dance at the wedding feast. He sent letters to all the those who had trained in dance inviting them to his feast. He said, "Come dance before me, for my son is taking a bride." But on the day of the wedding no one showed up.

So the king went out and gathered all the lame, the blind, the deaf, the mute. He took men from the prisons and took slaves from their masters. He took the sick and the elderly and the young children. He took those who didn't know their right foot from their left foot. And he brought them all to the wedding feast and commanded them saying "Dance before me."

The people replied, "We would dance before you, but we are not able. The lame cannot stand, the blind know not the way, the deaf cannot hear the melody, the mute cannot sing. We are poor and sick and shackled by our infirmities. We cannot dance."

The king said again, "Dance before me, for my son is taking a bride today!"

The people cast down their heads for they could not please the king. Then the bride, clothed beautifully in white, came forth into the room. Joy overflowed through her smile. The children saw her and were capture by her joy. They got up and ran to dance with her. The lame stood up and danced. The mute sang. The downtrodden rejoiced.

The parents saw their children healed and the joy spread to them. The whole room erupted into dancing and singing. And when it was over, they realized that they too had been healed. They too had been made strong and given feet for dancing.

Every sickness and infirmity left those who rejoiced before the king. But those who refused to rejoice had their feet shackled so that they could not dance.

___________________________

Last year at camp when I first heard the song "Made for Dancing" I looked at my friend on crutches and realized how many there are out there that dance with their heart, but cannot dance with their feet. And I realized that one day all that will change. Every sickness will be healed--the lame will walk, the deaf will hear, the blind will see, and the mute will sing.

But there are also those who are whole who will not dance. Why did God give us feet? Why did He give us hands? Why did He give us breath? All Yahweh's children were made for dancing--to praise the Father with all our heart, all our talents, all our ability. God looks for the dance in our heart. He looks for a dance that is so strong that it begins to overflow out of us so that in every part of life we will praise Him--through our voices, through our dance, through our hands, through our instruments, through our creativity, through our work, through our play, through our friendships, through our family...everything.I sometimes see life as one big dance. We are all in the circle together--facing each other, facing our Father. We move together as one to the melody our King plays, but the dance comes from the heart. And though there are those who cannot dance physically yet...they can still praise Him with the abilities God has given them. Let everything that has breath praise Yahweh. Hallelujah!

I wrote the above about a year ago. Last night these thoughts took on new meaning as I learned about Cure. Cure is an organization dedicated to changing the lives of children with curable disabilities through surgery and sharing God’s love. They’ve been traveling around with the Air1 Club Awesome tour the past couple of days, raising money to help these children. As Brant Hansen said, thanks to Cure, children who once struggled to walk are now able to dance.

If you’re looking for someplace to give this holiday season, I would encourage you to check out cure.org. To me, what they are doing is what the Kingdom is all about—giving hope to those who have none. Finally, whether you celebrate Christmas or Chanukah or whatever, I say Rejoice, for our Light has come and He has overcome the darkness!

Relationship

Can your Kingdom work get in the way of God? Can loving people take the place of loving God? Yeshua said "Love God" first and "Love your neighbor" second--but what if we get these reversed? Or can you say that you love God by loving people? I think to some extent this is true, but I don't think loving people can replace loving God.

What does it mean to pursue God with all your heart, soul, and strength? To put Him before your family, your friends, your good works, your dreams, your fears, your life purpose. We act like we are doing God a favor by asking what His purpose for our lives is. Is it not an act of grace to even have purpose? Does God owe us that much? We act like every commandment we keep is something we give to God, but is it not something God gives to us? To allow us to do what pleases Him?

If we are dust then what can we do to add or subtract from the Almighty's plan? Can we add one soul to the Kingdom by worrying if we are doing it right or whether we've found our life purpose? Is not every soul in His hands?

I often say we are the hands and feet of God, and I still believe that. We are the miracle workers, the called out ones, the healers of the nations. But the work is God's. And it is to Him and Him alone that we owe our devotion and love--not the world.

I heard a piece of advice to married couples once, to always put the marriage relationship before the children. Because the first thing the children need is a Father and Mother to look to. Would this not be true in our relationship with God as well? Do we not need to put that relationship with God before our work for God?

Is God enough? Or must you add purpose, good works, fulfillment, etc.? Think about it. If God said to step back from family, from ministry, from service, just to spend a little time with Him, could you do it? Or do our good works keep us so occupied that we've lost time for God?

Life is an adventure. God reaches out His hand and calls us to come with Him. His Kingdom is under His control. His plan is being executed perfectly. The people around you--they're in His hands. The only thing that matters between you and Him is your heart. Does it belong to Him? When emotions fade and works fall away, does your heart belong to God?

I don't know the answers to these questions, but they've caused me to pause and think. Am I pursuing God or a feeling? Am I pursuing God or good works? Am I pursuing God or a sense of fulfillment and purpose? I'm not saying these other things are bad. But is it possible that they can distract us from true relationship?

Joy (Keep Your Eyes Open)

"There is fear in His mercy." I wrote these words nearly a year ago. They still ring true for me today. When I think about the awesome mercy that God has on me, His grace toward me--the only response is to stand in awe.

Shortly after that, God began to teach me about joy. He brought Nehemiah 8:10 to my attention and said "Learn my joy for there you will find strength." I wrote about it here.

I really don't know what else to add to that. I've been talking about a lot of abstract stuff--of running into the darkness and chasing after fireflies and experiencing God's grace. I want to leave you with something concrete and I can't think of anything better than this post I wrote a year ago. Sukkot 2011 was absolutely full of "fireflies."

I think God's joy is found everywhere in the little things. But we have to be open to receive it. So, as we move out of Yom Kippur and into Sukkot, keep you eyes open. Do not fear the darkness. His light and His joy is there. Just keep your eyes open.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  -- Hebrews 12:1-2

Return to "Days of Awe"

Grace

I hope you found some encouragement from my recent rants. I kinda went a little crazy with the posts because I feel like for the first time God has given me words to express ideas that have been rattling around in my head for about a year now--ideas about the Kingdom and exile and what it means to chase after God.

You might be wondering, "Does he really believe all that?" And my answer would have to be yes and no. I believe it in my head, but putting it into action is a different story. I like my comfort zone. I am a work in progress. But you know what? God can even work through our doubt.

Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!"
-- Mark 9:24

Really, I think God is chasing us, trying to win our hearts to Him. Our seeking after Him is a response to His love. He starts the work and you can be sure that what He starts He will be faithful to complete. So, if you struggle with doubt like me, take courage--our God is faithful and compassionate.

So often I get caught up in trying to be a good Christian/Messianic/Jew (or whatever), trying to do the "right thing to do." I get this idea that radicalism somehow impresses God. That's not relationship. That's religion. And it will always fail.

Give up the idea of being a good person. That way of doing things revolves around self, around your goodness. It's like I said in the beginning, you can't love if you are focused on your ability to love people.

I heard a Torah teacher give the example of a man who thought he was a good husband. His wife was miserable, but he was content because he said all the right words and did all the right things to be a "good husband." Do we do that with God?

Are we so focused on being a "good bride" that we miss the relationship? Do we become satisfied with our ability to do all the right things that we don't hunger for God? Or do we become so obsessed with our own inability to be the perfect bride that we are blinded to God's love for us?

Some will read this and immediately set to work on trying to figure out the formula for a "good relationship." Stop. Don't rush off so fast into another set of rules or formulae, trying to do things the "right" way. Instead just stop for a moment and realize this: God is your Creator, your Father, your Husband. He wants to get to know you--the real you. Not the show that you put on for Him. He wants to know your desires, your dreams, your fears, your insecurities. And He wants to share His heart with you.

He knows your doubts. He knows your struggles. Not just intellectually--He has experienced them Himself. In the wilderness, Scripture says He was tempted by Satan. God understands our temptations. At the tomb of Lazarus, it says He weeped. He understands our sorrows. In the garden of Gethsemane, our Messiah cried out "Father, take this cup from me!" He understands our struggles. And so, it is not as if we must reach up to heaven to find this God so far above anything we could imagine. He walks with us, by our side, day by day.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. 
 -- Hebrews 4:15-16

If you're struggling with loving God, stop for a moment and remember His love for you. A love you don't have to earn. Be honest with God about your struggle. Don't "pray", just talk to Him. He will listen.

Return to "Days of Awe"

Fireflies

Remember the days of catching fireflies? How we would run out into the darkness just to capture a spark of light.

In my last post, I talked about how we find God in the little things of life. But most of the time we overlook these sparks of eternity. We're content to stay indoors with our artificial light (whatever brings us comfort, whether it's our money, our strength, or our religion). He said we would find Him if we seek Him, but only if we seek Him with everything we have.

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.  -- Matthew 13:44

Imagine, a world full of zillions of fireflies. But they only light up when goodness is present--when you shine your light. When you speak an encouraging word. When you extend a helping hand. When you draw in coloring books with your little brother. When you stand in awe of God's creation. And God says, "Run into the darkness. Light up the world." This is the Kingdom.

_______________________________________________

"Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.' If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in. "If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath, from doing your pleasure on my holy day, and call the Sabbath a delight and the holy day of the LORD honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly; then you shall take delight in the LORD, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken." 
 -- Isaiah 58:6-14

Return to "Days of Awe"

Sparks

How do we come to know the God of Light in this world filled with darkness? Earlier I likened our condition to that of a child whose father is away on a long journey. How does one get to know someone so distant?

Some time ago I was reading an essay by a girl who was trying to learn more about her grandmother. A letter her grandmother wrote, a picture of their wedding day, stories from her mother--all windows into the life of her grandmother. Together they painted an imperfect picture of who this woman was.

The kabbalists have this idea that the Jewish people were scattered to collect "sparks" (by performing commandments) that God had scattered throughout the world. I don't think they are far from the truth. There are moments in time and space everywhere that like windows into eternity, providing a glimpse of who God is. We see His glory in the colors of the sunset. We hear His laughter in the voice of a child. We feel His love in reaching out to a stranger. These are the sparks of eternity.

You see, the truth is that God is everywhere. He is not distant, He is very near--hidden amongst the little things of life. And it's our job to seek Him out.

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
 -- Jeremiah 29:13-14

Return to "Days of Awe"

Fear

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 
 -- Psalms 23:4

What are you afraid of? Be honest. Some of the things I'm afraid of:

What others might think of me
Falling--of failing God and friends
Messing up God's plan for my life
Stepping out of my comfort zone
That things won't get better
An unknown future

Really, I'm afraid of the dark. Not literal darkness (though that can sometimes be pretty scary too), but the darkness that clouds our everyday lives. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I don't know what other people will think of me. I don't always know what is right. There's a darkness over this world hiding the way things should be and we're afraid of it. We call this darkness "reality".

Sure, all this spiritual talk about light and darkness and faith and how everything belongs to God sounds really nice, but you have to face the facts. We live in reality, not fairytale land. There's bills to pay, mouths to feed, people to impress. All this stuff we have to worry and stress about because that's the way things are. That's reality.

"The uninhibited dream, which is in revolt against reality and its limitations, is the most substantive truth of existence." -- Jewish tradition

We live our lives trying as best we can to avoid death and pain and suffering. It makes us uncomfortable. It reminds us that we are mortal, that our lives are fragile--that we have no control. We've created this illusion that somehow by worrying about this and that we can guarantee ourselves another day of our comfortable lives.

What if you knew God as well as you know your earthly father or best friend? Take a moment to really think about this---the God of the universe speaking with you face to face. How would life be different? I think maybe the problem is we don't really know God.

that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.  -- Philippians 3:10-11

Return to "Days of Awe"

Love

What is our reaction to this incredible world our God has created? It should be to ask, "Who is the one who created all this?" I mean we know who He is in name. But who is He really? The Psalm I quoted at the end of the last post continues:

The instruction of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. 
 -- Psalms 19:7-10

According to Jewish commentators, "after recounting the wonders of creation, the Psalmist says that all of this is merely an example of the greatness of Torah--the blueprint that enables man to understand God's will and fulfill it." Torah tells us who God is. All of creation speaks of its Creator, each a unique strand His grand story. But when we move from admiring creation for its own sake to seeking to know the one who created it--that is when we begin to understand what it means to love God.

I don't mean intellectually know. We're quite good at that, reducing everything about creation and God to a bunch of equations and doctrines. I mean to know Him as a person. That can be hard to grasp considering that we cannot see or hear God (especially for very "logical" minded people like me). It's kinda like trying to get to know someone who is away on a long trip--a very long trip. In a way, that's how it is. We're in exile or as the kabbalists put it, God is in exile. His presence is withdrawn from us.

But I'm getting ahead of myself now. It all starts with the Awe of God. From there it grows into a burning desire to know Him more.

One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.  -- Psalms 27:4

Return to "Days of Awe"

Infinity

Have you ever wondered why God created the universe so big? Or made cells and molecules with such intricacy? Why flowers bloom where no one lives and every sunset is unique? And yet, we find ourselves doing the same mundane things in the same place day after day after day, oblivious to the wonder around us.

And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth."
-- Genesis 1:28

Fill the earth and subdue it! God called Adam and Eve on the adventure of a lifetime. He created a world full of beauty and wonder beyond imagination and said "It's yours." We should be like little kids running out to explore the vastness of the universe, never ceasing to be amazed (Did not Yeshua say we must enter the Kingdom like children?).

I'm a Doctor Who fan. If you haven't seen the show, it's basically about a time traveler who takes people on adventures through time and space. One of the reasons I love the show so much is because it reminds me of the adventure God has invited us on. Stretching out His hand, He says to His bride, "Come with me and I'll show you my glory." This is the Divine Romance He has called us to.

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat. 
 -- Psalms 19:1-6

Return to "Days of Awe"

Awe

The Awe of God is the beginning of wisdom -- Psalm 111:10

I met a guy once who didn't like to use the word "awesome" casually. "Only God is awesome."

Awe -- an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like (from Dictionary.com)

Think about for a moment. What do you find truly awesome?

Consider the wonder of light. Pure energy moving at half a billion miles per hour. Reflecting, refracting--white light becomes a rainbow when seen through a rain drop. Color, vibrant color painting the world in beauty. The greens of the leaves and grass, the browns of earth and sand, the blues of the sky and ocean. God took one oscillating wave and weaved it into this wonderful tapestry of glory.

Consider your life for a moment. Who are you that God should take an interest in your life? Six thousand years of human history and you think God has to help you with your problems? Francis Chan described our place in the universe like being an extra in a movie for two fifths of a second. And we demand the Director's attention to help us with our small part. He is the King of the Universe! Who am I that I should approach Him? And yet He regards you as His child! He cares about you and wants to spend time with you. He even knows the number of hairs on your head (have you ever tried to count them?).

This is the beginning of wisdom. This is the beginning of life.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?  -- Psalm 8:3-4 

Return to "Days of Awe"

Vision

Some things you can't learn directly. Take humility for example. How do you "be humble"? The moment you realize that you have achieved humility is the moment you have lost it. Or patience. Have you ever tried to intentionally learn patience? Your first thought usually is "I need to learn this now." Even something as basic as love. Love is selflessness--it's kinda hard to love while focusing on your own ability to love.

Then there's emotions. I probably don't have to even say anything else here. I'm sure we've all experienced the lack of control we have over our emotions (if, on the other hand, you can't relate to this, you must tell me your secret). I'm not sad when I should be, I am sad when there's no reason to be. I get excited over the wrong things and don't get excited over the right things. And most of the time I don't feel very close to God.

It's a paradox--the more we focus on these things, the less control we find we have. It's like chasing a little kid through the supermarket. The more you chase after him, the more he runs away (and gets into all sorts of trouble).

And so we are told to surrender. Just give up. And we try. Oh, we try so hard. Only to be met by the same paradox. Like being told not to think about something, the harder we try to give it up, the tighter our grip becomes. Sometimes to the point of crushing the very thing we were trying to protect.

About a year ago, I was reading a book by Stephen Covey where he talked about how our lives our directed by where we place our focus. That it is all about perspective. Gain the right perspective and your life will line up--have the wrong perspective and things will fall apart (including the very thing you were focusing on).

I think Covey was on to something. Yeshua said, "The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness" (Matt. 6:22-23). Your eye or your focus is the lamp for the rest of your life. 

You see a similar idea in Judaism. According to their tradition, the difference between this world and the world to come is in the world to come we will see everything as it really is. We will see people as they really are. We will see our actions for what they really are and their full consequences. And that is what will cause us to obey. But right now we are asleep, walking about with blurred vision like a drunk stumbling in the dark.

Where do we need to shift our focus? What will shed light on the world around us? In short, I believe the answer is the Fear of God...but more about that in the next blog.

Return to "Days of Awe"

Some Things You Don't Have To Do To Earn God's Love

Kinda inspired by Brant's "Here's Some Stuff You Can Do Before Going To Hell", here's a list of things you don't have to do to impress God or earn His love. Cause it seems that I continually find myself trying to.

- Read your Bible every day
- Pray every day
- Post inspirational or religious quotes to your Facebook wall
- Listen to only Christian music
- Avoid television
- Avoid "wasting time"
- Overcome all your struggles
- Make it through one day without sinning
- Figure out the meaning of life
- Have social skills
- Know the right thing to say
- Be the perfect friend
- Understand how salvation works
- Understand how to keep all the commandments
- Memorize Scripture
- Get emotional during worship
- Go to church
- Make sure everyone else knows "the truth"
- Be disciplined in life
- Be successful
- Add a religious spin to everything you do
- Speak only in Scripture
- Look righteous
- Give away all your worldly possessions
- Become a missionary
- Become a pastor or Bible teacher
- Stand up for a cause
- Change the world
- Feel guilty
- Feel forgiven
- Feel close to God


God doesn't love you for what you do or how you feel. He loves you for who you are. His child.

Conspiracy Corner: Government tampers with time

For some time now I have been keeping careful track of suspicious activity within the time/space continuum. At first I was a skeptic. I didn't want to believe that our government might be tampering with time and space. But the evidence is overwhelming. I believe now is the time to speak out.

On July 19, 2012, Skype popped up an alert for a friend's birthday. After opening Skype, no mention of a birthday could be found (nor on Facebook). Upon further inspection, it was found that Skype has July 20, 1900 logged as this friend's birthday. Apparently, time/space fluctuations had sent the birthday notification a full day into the past.

On August 16, 2012 a friend responded to a comment I made on Facebook microseconds before I posted the comment.

On August 22, 2012 during roll call for the states, Arizona called in with "Aloha from Arizona." Hawaii called in with "Howdy from Hawaii." Possible spatial tampering.

August 22-23, 2012: several reversions were noted on Facebook. Profiles of people I had defriended still showed up as friends. Notifications received were disappear and reappear intermittently...sometimes receiving the same notification twice. Same with statuses and comments. Evidence suggests that this is due to interference from sun spot activity with the government's time/space experiments.

You may have noticed most of these incidents involve the internet or phone. This is because electrical fields are especially sensitive to fluctuations in the time/space continuum. For example, the phenomenon known as "lag" is caused when the continuum self-corrects itself (the continuum is very resilient).

I have also received information from a reliable anonymous source that the U.S. government will perform a major time experiment on Nov. 4 of this year, possibly permanently altering the time/space continuum. Stay alert. I do not know how long this has been going on or what damage has already been done. For all we know, we could be living in alternate universe, completely oblivious to the fact that the timeline has been wrecked.

Money, Charity, and Social Awkwardness

Over the last couple of years, with the help of God and friends, I've been able to overcome a little bit of my shyness. There's one area, though, that hasn't been touched. Money.

I've heard lots about saving money, spending wisely, giving to charity, paying tithes and offerings--but I've never really heard anyone talk about the social awkwardness of money. Maybe it's just me, but I get uncomfortable around checks and dollar bills. Whether it's in giving or receiving or buying or selling, I tend to lock up. I don't know why. I just do.

I was in Mexico several years ago and a friend had to remind me haggle down the price. Negotiating money is a totally foreign concept to me. At least at the supermarket, everything is fixed. Just follow the system and you're fine. But outside of that strict business structure, whether bartering in Mexico or dealing with friends and family, the rules are not quite so straightforward.

In particular, I'm talking about giving and receiving charity. There are only two people in the world that I can accept money from or offer money to without getting butterflies in my stomach. My parents. Accepting money from them is easy, because, well, they've been supporting me all my life (thank you Mom and Dad). And as for returning the favor, I know that they would not hesitate to tell me if they were in need, even in a minor way. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay them for all they have done for me.

Outside of these two people, it is quite a different story. I don't have any problem with giving. But offering unsolicited--that's hard. I could say that people should just tell me when they need help. But the fact is that asking that is often harder than offering.

I don't know why money has to be such a big issue for me. I wish that it could pass as easily between us as prayer. Isn't that what James talked about--faith without works? After all, we're all in this together.

Resurrection

We lost a fellow camper this week. Joel Mills. He was lost in a boating accident. Day after day we prayed and prayed. A facebook prayer group was started and the number of people praying steadily climbed. Then his body was recovered from the lake and still we prayed, hoping beyond hope for a miracle. More were added to the group--songs and words of encouragement were posted. Scriptures about resurrection and life. The Mills family went into see Joel, and still we prayed. A memorial service was held yesterday and still we prayed. In defiance of death, the burial site was named "Ezekiel 37 Resting Place." And still we prayed.

Through this tragedy, the community was gathered together as one in prayer and worship. Unified we took our stand for our brother in Messiah. Unified we marched on the gates of hell with faith unwavering. And a resurrection happened--a resurrection in the body of Messiah. A revival started, and we pray that it never stop, that this move of the Spirit will never dwindle.

Because this week we were reminded that this is not our home. This is not where we belong. Our Messiah, our King has gone before us to prepare a place--a place with no more sorrow, no more sickness, no more death. A place where life flows like a river and joy abounds. A place where we will once again all come together to worship our Creator. Both those who remain here today and those who have gone on before us--we will all be united together with Messiah. And then we will be home.

So let us press on day after day looking forward to and hastening the coming of our Redeemer. Let us hold to the Promise, even now declaring the coming of our Great King. The world watches and mocks our faith. And still we pray. We will never back down. We will never be silent. For our God is not dead!

"But YHVH is the true God; he is the living God and the everlasting King. At his wrath the earth quakes, and the nations cannot endure his indignation. Thus shall you say to them: "The gods who did not make the heavens and the earth shall perish from the earth and from under the heavens." It is he who made the earth by his power, who established the world by his wisdom, and by his understanding stretched out the heavens. When he utters his voice, there is a tumult of waters in the heavens, and he makes the mist rise from the ends of the earth. He makes lightning for the rain, and he brings forth the wind from his storehouses. Every man is stupid and without knowledge; every goldsmith is put to shame by his idols, for his images are false, and there is no breath in them. They are worthless, a work of delusion; at the time of their punishment they shall perish. Not like these is he who is the portion of Jacob, for he is the one who formed all things, and Israel is the tribe of his inheritance; YHVH of hosts is his name."

(Jeremiah 10:10-16 ESV)

The Reasons

I originally wrote this three years ago. I've made a few updates since then, but the central message is still the same. It's not about us. It's about Him.

Why are we following this path of Torah?

Are we doing it so that we will be happy? Are we doing it to earn blessing or earn brownie points with our creator? Are we doing it because it makes us feel good? (Matthew 16:24-25)

Are we doing it to become holy? Do we think it will make us more righteous than everyone else? Are we doing it for salvation? Has it become a legalistic list of do's and don'ts? (Leviticus 20:8, Ezekiel 37:28, Titus 3:5)

Are we doing out of fear? Are we afraid that if we don't, that God won't love us any more? Do we feel like we need to earn His favor? (Romans 5:6-8; 8:15, Psalm 103:8-12)

Are we doing it because our friends are doing it? Is it how we become accepted? Are we doing it because it is the latest fad and makes us stand out? (Matthew 10:35-39, Mark 4:16-17)

Are we doing it out of rebellion? Are we trying to separate ourselves from other Christians (Christians who love God dearly)? Is this just a way of showing our independence—of breaking away from tradition? (Mark 9:50, 2 Corinthians 13:11, Romans 12:18)

Or are we doing it for more? Are we looking to our Father in heaven and saying “I want to love like He does”? Are we doing it so that the light of Yeshua may shine through us to the world? Are we doing it for the sake of His name and His Kingdom? (Ezekiel 20, Ezekiel 36:22, Matthew 5:14-16)

Chapter The Next

Well, I'm here. On my own in my first apartment. A new chapter in life. My very own set of ceramic bowls and plates--blue. They didn't have purple. My first printer. Still in the box. Much unpacking to do tomorrow.

A big thank you to Mom and Dad for helping me get moved and settled in. And thank you to everyone who has been praying for me. It means a lot to me.

I should be starting work as a meteorologist soon. Getting to this point has been a bit of an adventure. In more ways than one. Both on the job front and in life. To think...my first post on this blog was one year minus thirty days ago. Between then and now, we've been where the dinosaurs roam. Tasted surrender. Just one step after another. Reflected on the little things of life. Played in the land of square men. These are our journeys. Still the chase goes on.

I believe that God calls us to be faithful where we are at. And well...I'm here.

"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." (Genesis 28:15 ESV)

I May Never Be a Millionaire

Listening to a song called "Millionaire" by FFH and reflecting on life. The song is about all the things that people lift up as their highest goals--money, fame, beauty, adventure. As humans we seek the secret to finding "fulfillment" in life. We seek happiness. Acceptance. Attention. Love. Maybe some of us don't know quite what we're looking for, we just know there has got to be more to life. So we press on, reading books, talking with friends, seeking ever seeking the thing that will complete us.

I'm an idealist. I don't like the idea of just accepting that there is nothing I can do to find the perfect life. Emotionally, mentally, physically--it seems there must be some way bring every aspect of life into order. Some worldview or outlook on life that will allow me to find contentment in everything.

Especially when you've experienced those moments when everything seems just exactly right. There is no burning hunger, no aching pain. Only joy. And though you don't understand it, everything just makes sense. Then the moment fades. "Reality" sets in. Circumstances change. What you wished could last forever comes to an end.

And then you hear that you just need to look to God for fulfillment. The things of this world will satisfy you for a little while, but only God truly satisfies. Does that mean you feel fulfilled when your life is following after God? In my experience, no. I don't feel fulfilled. I don't feel like I've found the secret to happiness. I don't always feel comforted. I don't always feel close to God. Sometimes nothing makes sense. Sometimes the hunger burns. Sometimes the pain just doesn't go away.

There is a season to rejoice and a season to mourn.

There is a season to love and a season to hate.

There is a season to be inspired by the journey ahead and a season to simply pray your feet are taking you somewhere.

There is a season to run with all your might and a season to just fall into the hands of God.

Everything comes in its season until this earth passes away and we finally go home.

That's the hope. That's the promise.

What is the secret to a fulfilled life? There isn't one. You can spend your life pursuing it, but I don't think you'll find it. Then again, I don't have many years behind me yet--maybe you'll prove me wrong. But right now, where I'm at right now in this moment--I believe the only thing we can do is to be there for each other. The good times and the bad times will both come. Knowing that someone is thinking of you, praying for you means a lot. And when you are a friend to someone else, you change their world.

I may never be a millionaire, may never breathe the mountain air. I may never find a happiness that stays or the answers to all my questions. I may never find the perfect job, the perfect community, or the perfect way of living. But I'll be the light of the world. When darkness falls and your candle is dim, I'll shine my light into your life, so that maybe...just maybe you might find a little more hope for today. And when your light burns bright, I will rejoice along with you so that your fire may burn all the brighter.

Free Writing Life

If you read my post "What to write about?" then you've encountered a bit of my free writing. What is free writing? It is sitting down and writing whatever comes to mind without any inhibitions, editing, etc. Just freely writing. Now, technically speaking, "What to write about?" wasn't true free writing as I did have the thought filter engaged and did some minimal editing. But, it was a form of free writing as I had no particular goal or direction--just wrote what was on my mind.

Free writing is a great way to find inspiration. You never know what you'll find buried in your head until you get it out on paper. Usually I don't publish my free writing. This last time was an exception because what came out actually looked publishable (this doesn't happen often). Usually free writing just helps you get your thoughts organized and find a focus for your writing (the next post "The Big Conversation" was a result of the previous free writing).

Now when you combine free writing with the big conversation, the question that arises is Can you free write life? At least that is the question that occurred to me.

Obviously, there are times for planning and acting in an organized manner (free writing a wedding would be a bad idea). But there has to be a balance. Organized writing has more of a tendency to clog the imaginative flow. Free writing is where we get our inspiration and growth. Taking chances, making mistakes--being embarrassingly honest. Usually we don't share this part of our life with anyone but those closest to us. But this is where the seeds that will eventually grow into more presentable, more organized final drafts come from.

Every page has two sides. On one side are the scribbles and sketches that come from a candid outflow of imagination. On the other side are the refined strokes of your story inscribed for the world to see.

The Big Conversation

It all started when you were born and you said hello to the world. Well, it was probably more like screaming hello. At that moment, you entered the Big Conversation. Ever since then, it has been back and forth, speaking and listening, giving and taking, acting and watching, leading and following.

That's the way I see life. It's just one big conversation between all of humanity. Everything I say or do is like a Skype message going out for the world to see. Sometimes these messages mean the world to someone--like a hug. Sometimes they're ignored. Sometimes they add to a person's collection of words and phrases, making them just a little bit smarter. Sometimes they add to the junk pile, just taking up space.

It's also a conversation between man and God. The conversation goes back to the beginning of time when God said "Let there be light!" and behold there was light. Man saw the light, an invitation to the table to fellowship with the Living God. We all have a choice to either enter the conversation or ignore Him. Whether we argue with Him or seek to know His heart, God has our attention and the conversation goes on. But when we ignore Him the conversation stops and life ends. Without the conversation, there is no life.

Just like every conversation, there are times when we lead and times when we follow. There are times when we speak and act deliberately and times life just naturally flows. Your actions are your words, who you are is your story--one thread woven throughout the fabric of humanity, one voice amidst the big conversation.

What to write about? (or A glimpse of my free-writing)

I've been rather delinquent on blogging lately. It's not that my imagination hasn't been working--it's more of I have been focusing my writing efforts in other areas (such as my novel). Plus a pinch of laziness. But still, when I try to write something up for this blog my mind goes blank.

A lot of people just write about whatever is going on in their lives. Well, it's summer. And I'm blogging and brainstorming and weeding in the garden. If you want to read more about weeding in the garden, head over to www.emidrash.net and check out the latest newsletter. As for the brainstorming, that's classified information.

Others like to go all philosophical. I've done that a few times--probably scared a few people. Most of the stuff going through my mind at the moment though is either undeveloped or overdone. There's only so much you can write on the meaning of life.

Then there's poetry. Most of my poetry falls into the last category though, so that doesn't work.

So, I just don't know what to write about. Seems like I've got nothing to say. Which is kinda sad, cause in my view life is just one big conversation. That would make this one of those awkward silences. Unless, of course, you have something to say. I hear that we are supposed to listen twice as much as we talk (two ears, one mouth)...



...you know, maybe I could write about the big conversation. Maybe....

5-Minute Update

Between graduation, moving, gardening, and a wonderful weekend with friends--life has been a bit crazy. On top of that I've started a few new projects within the last month. So, I must apologize for neglecting this blog.

I'm taking a couple of minutes to write this up because I want to tell you about some of the projects I have been working on.

Words Beyond The Lines is my first attempt at professional blogging. I am writing about writing (setting, description, inspiration, etc.). My favorite section in this blog, however, is the anti writer's block--a weekly writing prompt or challenge.

ThinkTorah is a kind of devotional I am putting up on Facebook. Daily readings with questions to go along with each reading. My goal is to encourage people to read and think about Scripture.

Anyway, check them out and let me know what you think. If you get something out of either of these, pass them on.

Awkward...

So, today I'm going to talk about one of those topics that we all think about but never really talk about--the rules of social awkwardness. Then again, maybe I'm the only one who thinks about these things (in which case, this is a little awkward).

Actually, I'm only going to hit a small subset of these rules. To cover them all would require a book. For this post we'll stick to the friend quota.

What is the friend quota? Put simply it is the amount of time you can spend with a friend before you become a nuisance. Ok, so there are a few other variables besides time, but that is the major one. Another name for this is "overstaying your welcome." There seems to be this unwritten rule that you must carefully manage your interactions with friends so as not to become overbearing or awkward. This can create a fear of exceeding the friend quota when we want to get to know a person better or just spend some extra time with a friend.

How much time is too much? Anything more than normal. That is generally the way social awkwardness works--anything unexpected or out of the ordinary has the potential to create an awkward moment. So, you have a friend that you kinda know, but don't spend much time talking to. You start sitting next to this friend in class, joining him/her for lunch, chatting on Facebook, etc. Awkward? Hey, I've weirded people out just by saying hi to them on Facebook once.

Of course, this kind of social awkwardness is worst with people you don't know (which can explain why it is sometimes hard to make new friends). After all, you can't get to know a person when the friend quota equals zero. Add to that the problem of not knowing what to talk about (that's a whole 'nother subject) and you have yourself a mess.

So, you see a classmate eating lunch and you want to meet this person. No particular reason--just want to try to make a new friend. Or you see a stranger playing piano and you think to yourself "He plays piano, I play piano...I should introduce myself!" These situations scream warnings of social awkwardness. And I can't say that there wasn't any. But I know that the friends I made in both of those situations were worth it.

The Illusion of Perfection

I am a perfectionist. In theory that should mean I pay close attention to detail and tweak every aspect of my work until I am satisfied with it. In practice it means I don't start anything for fear of producing something that isn't quite perfect. I can never finalize anything because everything falls short. If you are someone who can relate, there is something you should know.

Perfection is an illusion.
It is an imaginary construct that exists only in the world of mathematics (of course, we live in a world today that think it can explain everything in terms of equations). It deceives us into thinking that somewhere out there, there is one perfect job for you or one perfect soul mate. It has the potential to affect every aspect of life from finding the perfect way to pray to eating the perfect diet. For me it boxes my writing as I try to write the "perfect" essay on a subject.

The truth is that the world is not black and white or even shades of gray. It is full of color and flavor. Yeah, sometimes things end up tasting nasty. But no matter how hard you try, you'll never find the perfect flavor. God didn't create ration bars with the perfect taste and nutrition for us to eat--He created strawberries and melons and cucumbers and steaks and honey. He created variety and gave us freedom to eat from any tree we choose.

Ah, but you already know all that--you just want to make sure your work is mistake free, right? Again, it's an illusion. Back to food, what makes a sandwich mistake free? Is there some sandwich code you must adhere to? Is it simply a matter of avoiding the mustard? Perhaps it means putting on the lettuce before the turkey and never the other way around.

Really, when it comes down to it, there are only two questions to ask: Will your mouth like the taste of it and will your stomach accept it? In other words, will you find joy from it and is it within the moral standards of Torah?

Now it is up to you to decide how extravagant to go with each meal. But remember--this meal is not your last and you can't eat the same thing over and over again (I've tried...even peanut butter and jelly gets old after a while). Experiment, take risks, try something new. Don't worry too much about messing up. If you burn a couple lasagnas, that's ok (just try not to burn down the house).

The point is to never let the fear of imperfection keep you from chasing your dreams. Life is a journey and we are constantly changing and growing, falling and getting back up. The closest we can get to perfection is being true to ourselves today (oh, and staying within those Torah fences).

Remembering the Holocaust

January 1933--Hitler rises to power. June 1941, the systematic murder of the Jewish people begins. Today we stand 70 years removed from this tragedy. Few remain who are old enough to remember. It is up to us now to keep the memory of the victims of the holocaust alive. It is up to us now to say "Never again."

It only takes one generation to forget. Let it not be our generation.

Running, Always Running

running, always running

never stopping, never slowing

there's no telling where I'm going

to the edge we keep on rowing

can you see the tension showing

is the life within me flowing

has this race halted my growing

has my heart's fire stopped glowing

until rest I stop foregoing

there will be no way of knowing

which way the wind is blowing

...

stop.    wait.    listen.

Seasons

"You were surely created for this season and placed here in time to glorify His name."

Are all ages the same? Do the seasons never change? Yeshua rebuked the Pharisees for not being able to interpret the signs of the times (Matt. 16:2-3). Again, He corrected His disciples telling them that the harvest had already come (Luke 4:35). And again, He tells them that He works in the day, but night is coming when no one can work (John 9:4).

There are seasons in the great plan of time. Seasons of planting and seasons of harvest. Seasons of rain and seasons of famine. Seasons of summer and seasons of winter. Seasons that pass like a watch in the night and seasons that last for generations.

What is this season that we are in?

This is the season we were created for.

Our Journeys

Throughout all their journeys, whenever the cloud was taken up from over the tabernacle, the people of Israel would set out. But if the cloud was not taken up, then they did not set out till the day that it was taken up.
(Exodus 40:36-37 ESV)

I don't like change. At least not when I don't have control. I like to hold onto the past.

I lived in the same city for almost 16 years (the same house for 11 years). Then we moved...to a different state. It was exciting, especially as we saw God's plan unfold. But there were things I was leaving behind that I didn't want to let go of. Good things. Like the little Baptist church we attended. The pastor there taught me Hebrew one on one--at no cost. He freely gave his time to teach me. I still miss him from time to time. He has since moved on to a different church.

Our first year in Texas was amazing. We were adopted into the congregation--really, family. We didn't just meet on Sabbath. We got together to play cards, do work, etc. throughout the week. Then I was uprooted from there and taken to college...in a different state. I still miss those times.

I don't like change. I don't like being uprooted after finally getting settled in. I don't like leaving friends and family behind. Going out into the unknown, where I know no one...leaving my comfort zone behind. It's scary. Sometimes I wish I could just stay put and that everything would stay the same. Life is good now, why change it?

But sometimes the cloud moves...and we must follow. It takes us into uncharted territory. Transitioning is often hard. But our Father is in control. Ahead lie greater things...eventually the promised land. This is not our home. When we get settled into a place, it's hard to accept that. But it's a fact--this is not our home. It is simply a stop along the way to where God is taking us. Some steps are hard. Often times we want to look back. Often times we wish we could go back to where the trail was easier. Yet, if I truly consider what it would mean to go back I realize I would have missed out on a lot. It was when I started college that I met one of my best friends--who then proceeded to introduce me to several more now close friends. If I rewound the tape, I would have missed out on all those friends. When we moved to Texas, I found what it was like to have a congregational family. If we never moved out there, I would have missed that.

Change is hard. But sometimes its necessary. And God often has something great waiting on the other side. I still don't like giving up what I have to follow Him. But it helps a little to know that my Father in heaven is watching out for me--and He has a plan. Wherever He leads, I must follow.

(originally posted on facebook on July 30, 2011)

Seeds of Thought

Have you ever noticed how sometimes something you say, even if it seems meaningless to you, can be the most profound thing to someone else? And other times the deep words of wisdom that you put so much thought into fall only on deaf ears.

Words are like seeds. Every word you speak has the potential to grow. Seems like most of them never take root, but every word has the same potential. Doesn't matter whether it is wise advice or a harmless joke or just small talk. Each word falls upon the soil of whoever is listening--and if the soil is right, that word can take on a life of its own. It will grow in a person's mind until eventually it begins to bear fruit, good or bad. 

One word. 

And it could be any word.

Signs of Life

Brilliant greens and blooming redbuds tower above the earth.
Blankets of clover roll as a wave across the ground.
Winding through the woods, this rain washed road shimmers in the sunlight.
I drive this road alone in the midst of a slumbering world.

Where are the signs of life?

The Land of Square Men

Welcome, dear children
To the land of square men
Of boxes so graven
With letters even

Just come to the table
And give us your name
We'll give you a label
You'll all be the same

First on your schedule
We have education
Eight hours you must school
Textbooks our foundation

For lunch frozen dinner
Or instant fake soup
Please just add water
And eat in ten scoops

Your parents we'll enslave
From eight until five
They'll work in a square cave
For paper they'll strive

Perhaps you're a failure
Just making a mess
Don't worry, here's the cure
Ten steps to success

For the more ambitious kind
We have just the fit
To satisfy the curious mind
Try our DIY kits

For those special occasions
Pick a pre-written card
Only standard traditions
Gift-wrapped with regard

One day a utopia
We soon will attain
Your minds in our boxes
Now circuits for brains

We have but one law
One thing that we ask
Don't resist blah
Don't take off that mask

Cardboard for sky
And four walls all around
You must believe the lie
You must always be bound
You must never defy
You must not make a sound
On us you'll rely
Freedom never be found

For all you desire
We've packaged it here
Imagination's fire
Even love so sincere

But break from this casket
You'll never climb high
Like Yeshua of Nazareth
You'll be sure to die
--
Friends, is this such
A bad plight to be in?
Yeshua gained much
By His resurrection

Watch your box crumble
Though we be dead to you
Through Him we are able
To find what is True

His burden is light
His yoke is easy
He has fought the good fight
He has made each of us free

Let the world watch and see
Let them hear His decree
As we sing of His mercy
And declare Jubilee

The Double Mirror Experiment

Most people look at the world through some lens--their worldview. These are ordinary people. A few take the time to examine the different worldviews people have. These people we call philosophers. They hold up a mirror and allow us to see ourselves and the worldview we have. Even fewer people take the time to examine the worldview with which they look at other worldviews. These people we call mad. They hold up two mirrors so that you can look at one through the other.

If you value your sanity, I suggest you stop reading now.




Before you is a table. On the table is a plate. What you see on the plate depends on your perception.
Supermodel: Calories.
Five-year-old: Yummy chocolaty goodness.
Mom: A mess waiting to happen.
Torah thumper: A symbol of the pagan moon god.
Chef: A cake.

These are our worldviews. Now, this is not an exhaustive list by any means...but it will do for illustration. Each of these people are ordinary people looking at the same object on the plate--but perceiving it in different ways. Now, three philosophers enter the room. We'll call them Bob, Larry, and Steve.

Bob: See how everyone looks at the cake differently. They all see different aspects of the cake--like the different ingredients used in the cake. They are all present, but the sum is a cake.

Larry: Are you saying that the chef's worldview is superior to the others because he sees the sum whereas the others only see part? I think that all worldviews deserve equal treatment. What is right for you may not be right for me and what is right for me may not be right for you. It does not make any one worldview better than another.

Steve: No, the five-year-old holds the correct viewpoint...what is on the plate is yummy chocolaty goodness. The supermodel, the mom, and the Torah thumper are blinded by their worldviews to the yummy chocolaty goodness in front of them--and the chef is just shallow.

In analyzing the different worldviews, it is shown that the philosophers have different ways of looking at the collection of worldviews--each one has their own "worldview on worldviews." Now, let's give our philosophers a healthy dose of insanity:

Bob: Larry, Steve...you both see aspects of the truth, but we all know that my view encompasses the whole. It is the blending of your two views--the balance.

Larry: Ha! Your view is no better than my view is no better than Steve's view. They all have equal merits.

Steve: Nope...I'm definitely right. You guys are wrong.

I'm really not sure how to comment on this one...


Bob, Larry, and Steve continue to fight with one another, arguing over who is right, who is wrong, whether anyone is wrong, whether anyone is right, etc. Meanwhile...

The super model leaves the table having no interest in the plate of calories before her.
The five-year-old makes a grab for the plate of yummy chocolaty goodness, while the Mom tries to stop him from digging into the mess she see waiting to happen.
The Torah thumper preaches against all of them for allowing this pagan symbol to exist.
The chef simply admires the cake he baked.

Beloved of God

I heard Jason Gray on the radio the other day talking about his song "Remind me who I am." The inspiration of the song came when he was thinking about sin and why we sin. Jason describes sin as an "addiction" or an attempt to satisfy our hunger for significance. We want to feel "loved, desirable, and worthy." So, "We run to affairs. We surround ourselves with symbols of status that we hope will convince us of our worth."

If only we could learn to run to Christ, the One who calls us His beloved, His bride, the child that He chose to welcome into His family. We would hear Him tell us that we are enough because He says so. We would hear Him call us His treasure, and we would come alive. -- Jason Gray

Our worth does not come from what we do or what we think. We cannot earn the love we so earnestly desire. When we look to the world or look to ourselves for fulfillment, we will be let down every time. But when we look to God--He calls us beloved. He calls us beautiful.

Consider that for just a moment.

When you mess up. When you struggle with sin and temptation. When you act like a hypocrite. When you speak out of turn and when you cause hurt. When you stumble and fall and bring shame to the Name of God. When you feel worthless and deserving of hell. There is forgiveness and mercy--you are the beloved of God.

No matter how much you know. No matter how many mysteries you have solved. Now matter how well you can recite Scripture or read Hebrew. No matter how strict your standards or how perfect your observance. No matter how close you feel to God. None of that matters. God created you and He loves you as His treasure.

How often I forget this. How often I feel like I need to do better, I need get my life straight so that God can use me. There's always something I'm missing, somewhere I'm failing. And then I find a bit of knowledge and shout "I got it right!" when in reality it is God who chose at that time to reveal a piece of Himself to me. I forget that as a friend once told me, "I know nothing more and nothing less than what my Master has revealed to me."

I'm finally starting to understand why the church repeats the Gospel so much. We need to hear it often. We need to be reminded of our inadequacy and of His abundant love and mercy. We cannot earn God's love nor do we have to. We need to be reminded of who we are--the children of God, the beloved of our King.

Forgiven, beloved
Hidden in Christ
Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and holy, reborn and remade
Accepted and worthy
This is our new name
This is who we are now...
-- Jason Gray, "I am new"

Worship

I've never really studied worship in much depth. I've heard a few teachings on it, but I never considered the topic important enough to study on my own. Now I'm finding that not only is it important, but it is central to life.

What is worship?

In our modern culture, worship is often associated with music and emotion. It's that thing you do before the pastor gets up to give the sermon. If that's your idea of worship, then it does seem easy to dismiss it as extra. But I think it goes much deeper than that.

I looked up the word "worship" in Scripture, and found that most of the time worship occurs at the Temple. At first, I couldn't see how this could help me understand worship. Israel offered sacrifices at the Temple--we can't offer sacrifices today. How do I worship without a sacrifice?

Take it back to the Hebrew though, and things become a bit clearer. The Hebrew word for sacrifice literally means to "draw near." The Temple was not built for sacrifices--the sacrifices were offered so that one could draw near to God at the Temple. Worship is drawing near to God.

How do we draw near to God? Well, if we look at the Temple again, I see four things: sacrifice, prayer, music, and awe. Sacrifice is pretty self-explanatory. The incense altar is closely tied to prayer and the daily prayers are recited at the times of the morning and evening offerings. Many of the Levites who served in the Temple served as singers and musicians. And awe--that's what happens when you see fire come down from heaven to consume your sacrifice.

Enough of the technical stuff (I love tying things to pictures and Hebrew words, but we mustn't lose sight of the forest for the trees). I've been learning lately how important it is to take some time just to worship God. This can be through music. I've made myself a playlist of songs that I can honestly sing with and that remind me who God is. It can be through prayer. Reciting the daily prayers from your heart can be an awesome form of worship. It can even be something as simple as taking a walk and standing in awe of God's glory. 

How do you worship? How do you draw near to our Creator?

Starry Night

I had more thoughts on this sleepwalking idea. There is a passage in Matthew about keeping watch and not falling asleep. It is near the end of the book, just before Yeshua is captured by the Roman guard.

What struck me the other day is that this all took place at night. Ok, so maybe that fact isn't meant to be a big deal, but I'm gonna use it as a midrash tool anyway. The sun doesn't rise when you wake up. We are called to keep watch through the night.

Through the night we have the moon and stars for light--sparks of eternity and the mere reflection of God's glory. But we must wait for the dawn. We must wait for the coming of our Glorious King. And it will be like the rising of the sun to one who has never seen day.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. 
(Psalms 130:5-6 ESV)

Waking Up

I've decided my last post (Sleepwalking) deserves a bit more explanation. A lot of it has to do with this book I read. So, here is my combo book review / blog post (more blog post than book review...but you should read the book).

The book is called "The Journey of Desire" by John Eldredge. I find I have a hard time describing this book, so I will defer to some of my friends:
http://www.emidrash.net/NewsLetter/February2012.pdf
http://brokenbarsoflight.blogspot.com/2012/01/great-honeymoon-in-sky.html

So, essentially it is about the Kingdom (and, in particular, our desire for the Kingdom). That's the message--what's been weighing on me lately. But, of course, life isn't so simple that you can just read and believe the message and then be good. No, you have to live it too. You can't just know you need to wake up--you have to actually wake up and stay awake. But it's hard because the blanket is warm and the pillow is so comfy...and just five more minutes...

You know...one of the most spectacular photos I have ever taken was when Dad woke us up at 5am on a camping trip. Sunrise is really an amazing show of God's glory. But you gotta wake up to see it.

Sleepwalking

Lately, I've felt like I'm in that state between sleeping and waking. Like there is something I am supposed to hear, something I am supposed realize--but my head is in a fog. Like God is trying to teach me something--but I am sleepwalking. Is there too much noise? Am I lost in my own worlds of my mind? Or am I simply waiting?

Back to School...Again

I have started school back. Well, kinda--I'm in my third week of school and between different canceled classes, I still haven't had a full school day. The slow start is nice, though. Gives me time to adjust.

My busiest class so far has actually been creative writing. Now, wouldn't that be something--if my elective course turned out to be the hardest. I really enjoy it though. I'm learning a lot about developing characters. For every page of story, there's about a hundred pages of backstory.

Story:
Emily misses Maggie

Backstory:
How old are Emily and Maggie?
How did they meet?
Why does Emily miss Maggie?
What do they look like?
What are their hobbies? Dreams? Fears?
What other friends does Emily have?
Does Maggie miss Emily?
...(I think you get the point)

Anyway, that's all I have for now. There's been a kind of void in my mind the last few weeks--I haven't figured it out yet. But it is impeding my blogging abilities.

Book Review: People of Sparks

People of Sparks

Jeanne Duprau

Imagine coming up from an underground city and seeing the sky for the first time. Everything would seem so strange, so new, so exciting. And survival would be a challenge.

When the residents of the underground city of Ember emerge from their dying home, they find themselves with no provisions and little knowledge of how survive in this unfamiliar post-disaster world. Fortunately for them, they meet the people of Sparks who agree to take these refugees in. That's just where the story begins, however.

The people of Ember are just over four hundred--the people of Sparks are just under. Food is precious, and with twice the mouths to feed, tensions build quickly. An accident occurs and the blame game ensues. The people of Sparks despise their ungrateful guests, devouring the food they worked so hard to produce. The people of Ember cry injustice when they feel they are being treated unfairly. And so it goes, back and forth, back and forth, escalating until the fire is out of control.

People of Sparks is actually the second book in Jeanne Duprau's "Ember" series. The first book, "City of Ember" tells how two twelve year old children, Doon Harrow and Lina Mayfleet, lead their people out of their dying city before it is too late and the lights shut off for good. I haven't read the third or fourth books yet, but I loved both "City of Ember" and "People of Sparks."

The books are written more for children, but I enjoyed them and the lessons are important for everyone. Finding hope in a dark world--that's what it's all about.

Crazy, Lazy Days

It's been a while since my last post. In all honesty, the book review was filler--my mind was pretty blank. These last few weeks have been pretty crazy and pretty lazy. Visiting friends, getting sick, watching movies and facebooking, blocking netflix and facebook. Oh, and yesterday was Peculiar People Day so, of course, my family had to celebrate.

School starts back in a week, so these crazy, lazy days must come to an end. I've got a short story to write, a website to touch-up, a paper to revise, and a life to live. And my brain is already suffering from laziness withdrawals (laziness is primarily a mental condition, rather than a physical condition). One day at a time...one day at a time. Goodbye, crazy lazy days! Hello Life! (help me, Father)