Well, after a couple years of writing this blog, it's time to retire it. Honestly, it's mostly just the name--seems very few people can understand (much less spell) "ruach." Makes the website a bit harder to find. Anyway, I'll be continuing over at www.thehopefulheretic.com
You can read more about the change here.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Growing with God
I think maybe our relationship with God goes through stages, much like life.
As children, God teaches us complete dependence on Him, that we may learn to fear and trust Him always.
As we grow older, we gain responsibilities and freedoms. The rules that we once followed blindly, we learn have purpose behind them.
Follow this track onward, you might think God is leading us to a place of independence. Indeed, that's how our culture portrays the stages of life. But, God designed something different. He leads us to a sort of interdependence. A partnership. A marriage. And this is far more beautiful than anything that man could contrive.
As children, God teaches us complete dependence on Him, that we may learn to fear and trust Him always.
As we grow older, we gain responsibilities and freedoms. The rules that we once followed blindly, we learn have purpose behind them.
Follow this track onward, you might think God is leading us to a place of independence. Indeed, that's how our culture portrays the stages of life. But, God designed something different. He leads us to a sort of interdependence. A partnership. A marriage. And this is far more beautiful than anything that man could contrive.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
What I Don't Know
"We act like we have to get it all figured out before we can make a difference; like we have to have achieved "perfect" observance before we can fulfill our life mission. We feel like we are given a short period of learning/training before life really begins, and if we don't get our lives straight soon, we will be wasting time. "
There's soooo much I don't know...things that seem like they should be basic and foundational. Things like our identity in relation to Israel, or to what extant we're supposed to keep the commandments, or how to keep Sabbath. Oral Torah, Karaitism, Noachide, Covenantalism, Dispensationalism, Two House, One House, One Law, Traditional, non-traditional, and dozen other labels and non-labels. I would love so much to know where I stand so that I can teach my family and teach others, but the truth is so often I don't know.
Sometimes I think I know. But there's always a hole, always a contradiction, always a difficulty. I've changed my mind many times in the last several years. I want to go into ministry--that's where my heart is at--but sometimes I'm afraid that what I teach today won't be what I believe tomorrow. Words have power and I'm responsible for what I put forward.
Sometimes I have to fall back to the few things I know:
Adonai is the Creator of the universe.
He is my Father and my King.
He created man in His own image, inscribing His signature on every human soul.
He has promised us the Hope of a future Sabbath rest--of freedom, restoration, healing, and redemption. A place to call home.
Sometimes I just have to admit I don't know.
There's soooo much I don't know...things that seem like they should be basic and foundational. Things like our identity in relation to Israel, or to what extant we're supposed to keep the commandments, or how to keep Sabbath. Oral Torah, Karaitism, Noachide, Covenantalism, Dispensationalism, Two House, One House, One Law, Traditional, non-traditional, and dozen other labels and non-labels. I would love so much to know where I stand so that I can teach my family and teach others, but the truth is so often I don't know.
Sometimes I think I know. But there's always a hole, always a contradiction, always a difficulty. I've changed my mind many times in the last several years. I want to go into ministry--that's where my heart is at--but sometimes I'm afraid that what I teach today won't be what I believe tomorrow. Words have power and I'm responsible for what I put forward.
Sometimes I have to fall back to the few things I know:
Adonai is the Creator of the universe.
He is my Father and my King.
He created man in His own image, inscribing His signature on every human soul.
He has promised us the Hope of a future Sabbath rest--of freedom, restoration, healing, and redemption. A place to call home.
Sometimes I just have to admit I don't know.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Broken Tablets and the Heart of the Torah
Moshe Kline thought so too, so he set out to study the structure of Leviticus 19. His results were quite revealing. He found that Leviticus 19 is actually arranged according to a complex structure that points back to the ten commandments. You can find more details on his study here. Chapter 3 discusses the literary structure of Leviticus as a whole, while chapters 5 and 6 focus in on Leviticus 19 specifically.
Here, I want to build on the results of that study a bit. First a quick summary:
Moshe Kline puts forward the idea that Leviticus is arranged according to the Tabernacle. For the first 18 chapters, one is walking inward, progressing into the more intimate areas of God's holy place. From 20 onward, one is progressing outward back toward the people. Chapter 19 stands in the middle as the turning point where the Ark of the Covenant stands.
According to Moshe Kline, Leviticus 19 is arranged something like the following table (where each block represents a paragraph ending in "I am the LORD" and the numbers are verses):
| 1-2 | 11-12 |
| 3 | 13-14 |
| 4 | 15-16 |
| 5-10 | 17-18 |
| 19-25 | |
| 26-28 | 32 |
| 29-30 | 33-34 |
| 31 | 35-36 |
As you can see, it is arranged into two columns, much like the ten commandments. If you examine the contents of each column, you will see that there is another similarity here. The first column focuses mainly on God-oriented commands (like the first 5 of the ten commandments) while the second column focuses mainly on neighbor-oriented commands. In fact, the majority of the ten commandments are referenced at some point in Leviticus 19, more than any other chapter of Torah. It's not a perfect fit, but then I don't think it was meant to be either (as will be explained further). The division of the first half of the columns is indicated by a shift from "I am the LORD your God" to "I am the LORD." In the second half, this distinction becomes meaningless--instead we see that there are word parallels between the second half of the columns and their respective columns in the first half. In the middle of these columns are verses 19-25--a seeming anomaly amongst the order we have just defined. Again, for more details on how this structure is formed, I recommend taking a look at Moshe Kline's articles above.
So, what is the author of Leviticus trying to do here? I see an obvious connection to the stone tablets in this passage. If we follow Moshe Kline's line of thinking and see Leviticus 19 as representing the Ark of the Covenant, this would make perfect sense--the ten commandments were contained within the ark. On the other hand, we don't see a literal repetition of the ten here, or even a one-to-one correlation. Just a strong reference. It's as if the commandments were--broken. Secondly, not all of the rules here reflect the general all-encompassing nature of the ten. Many of these commandments take a much more specific, practical role. If we go back to when the ten commandments were given, I think we'll find two key events that help explain what's happening here.
In Exodus 20, immediately after God finishes giving the ten commandments, the people cry out for an intermediary. They don't want to hear God's voice anymore. So, Moses takes the position of intermediary and relates the commands of God to the people. It's at this point that the commandments begin to take a very down to earth nature (slavery, social justice, etc.), quite a jump from the loftiness of the ten. The people of Israel had just admitted they were human. Therefore they needed a law for humans. Not angels.
Jump forward a bit to Exodus 32, and the people of Israel take another fall--the golden calf. Idolatry destroys the relationship Israel had just formed with their Redeemer. Moses comes down from the mountain and shatters the stone tablets. Unlike the divinely carved tablets Moses just broke, the next pair would have to be carved out by human hands. Tradition has it that the golden calf was also the reason for the necessity of the Tabernacle. At the very least, we see a change in the way the Tabernacle is described. Before 32, God starts with the Ark and the Table and the Menorah before discussing the outer layers. But, after 32, this order is reversed. The outside is placed before the heart.
When we come to Leviticus, this pattern shows itself again. Here we have the ten commandments, but not the lofty ones that God spoke from the mountain. No, these are the down to earth commands that we humans need with only a spark of the original glory left intact. We also see that the commandments are broken. Right across the middle of the columns, a totally unrelated piece of text is inserted, breaking the flow, creating a picture of broken tablets. Why is this done here? Because this is Leviticus, the book about how to approach God in all His holiness. About the Tabernacle, something that came about as a direct result of the golden calf. You see, the Tabernacle became an intermediary, an encasing around the holiness of God. Similarly, Leviticus is structured as an encasing around the ten commandments spoken by the voice of God. Only after you peel back layers of clean/unclean and holiness codes can you come to the heart of the matter. A broken set of tablets.
We still have one more question to answer, and I believe it will tie the rest of this together and answer the problem of a broken relationship. What is this passage that breaks up the two tablets in Leviticus 19?
In this one section we have three separate commandments. One is about not mixing various things (distinguishing or "judging"). Two is about a specific case of broken relationship, atonement, and forgiveness. Three is about something forbidden becoming holy and then fruitful.
Justice.
Mercy.
Redemption.
These are at the heart of the ten commandments.
You see, the book of Leviticus is not just some set of random archaic rules. It is a system put in place because of our sin to bring us back into relationship with God. It is a schoolmaster set out to teach us to distinguish clean and unclean, right and wrong, leading us toward the heart of the ten commandments--the heart of the Father. It teaches us to crucify our own sinful desire, our animal nature, in favor of a higher standard.
But it also teaches us about God's mercy, His forgiveness, His patience. We broke faith, but rather than giving up on us, God came down to our level and gave us what we needed as human beings. He taught us righteousness on our level and provided atonement.
Together, mercy and justice intertwine to bring us to redemption. This is the intersection between heaven and earth, between the holy and the profane. It is where the world is renewed and darkness becomes light. Our broken relationship is restored completely as we are transformed into the image of our Creator, so that one day holiness will not be something we strive to do but who we are.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Horizons
It's been a year and a half since I moved out on my own and started my job with the weather service (see Chapter the Next). Most everything is unpacked by now. A lot has happened in the last year in a half. Doors have been opened. Seeds have begun to sprout.
--Kingdom
During the Days of Awe just over a year ago, God finally gave me words to a vision that had been churning in my mind for some time. He touched my heart during an Air1 concert as I was reminded that all God's children are made for dancing. This is the Hope of the Kingdom.
--What we were created for
As we entered last spring, I shared some of my piano playing and expressed how much God's gift of writing means to me. These are some of the talents God has given me. By summer, God had opened up the door for me to write for a Messianic youth magazine called HarvestMag. It is so amazing to be a part of something bigger than myself.
--Israel
Meanwhile, God planted a seed in my heart, a desire to visit Israel. To step out and walk on water, not knowing what I would find there, but trusting Him to show me. And He did. It was in the Promised Land that my Father shared His heart with me for His people and His land. I grew in my relationship with Him as I learned just a little bit about what it means to be a man after God's own heart.
--Family
I came back home in time for Sukkot. And there I met a girl. Long story short, she swept me off my feet and I asked her to marry me. She said yes.
________________________________________
Horizons
So much has unfolded in the last year and a half. The beginnings of dreams being fulfilled. A deepening relationship with my heavenly Father in ways I could never have imagined. Meeting my bride to be, Brittany.
Coming to the top of the horizon, I stand. Beyond this veil lie adventures known only to God. It's a new journey as I take the vision that God has put in my heart and walk forward with it hand in hand with my beloved. I don't know what lies ahead, but I look forward full of hope, knowing Who is leading us and with whom I am blessed to share this life.
Thank you, Father, for all you have done for me. So much more than I have ever deserved. Thank you for blessing me in my desires and dreams. Thank you for sharing your heart with me. And thank you for bringing to me a friend and companion with whom to share this unfolding story you are writing on our hearts.
--Kingdom
During the Days of Awe just over a year ago, God finally gave me words to a vision that had been churning in my mind for some time. He touched my heart during an Air1 concert as I was reminded that all God's children are made for dancing. This is the Hope of the Kingdom.
--What we were created for
As we entered last spring, I shared some of my piano playing and expressed how much God's gift of writing means to me. These are some of the talents God has given me. By summer, God had opened up the door for me to write for a Messianic youth magazine called HarvestMag. It is so amazing to be a part of something bigger than myself.
--Israel
Meanwhile, God planted a seed in my heart, a desire to visit Israel. To step out and walk on water, not knowing what I would find there, but trusting Him to show me. And He did. It was in the Promised Land that my Father shared His heart with me for His people and His land. I grew in my relationship with Him as I learned just a little bit about what it means to be a man after God's own heart.
--Family
I came back home in time for Sukkot. And there I met a girl. Long story short, she swept me off my feet and I asked her to marry me. She said yes.
________________________________________
Horizons
So much has unfolded in the last year and a half. The beginnings of dreams being fulfilled. A deepening relationship with my heavenly Father in ways I could never have imagined. Meeting my bride to be, Brittany.
Coming to the top of the horizon, I stand. Beyond this veil lie adventures known only to God. It's a new journey as I take the vision that God has put in my heart and walk forward with it hand in hand with my beloved. I don't know what lies ahead, but I look forward full of hope, knowing Who is leading us and with whom I am blessed to share this life.
Thank you, Father, for all you have done for me. So much more than I have ever deserved. Thank you for blessing me in my desires and dreams. Thank you for sharing your heart with me. And thank you for bringing to me a friend and companion with whom to share this unfolding story you are writing on our hearts.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Building My Own Kingdom
Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.”
-- Genesis 11:4
When you search the internet for advice on making it as a writer, one of the things that will come up again and again and again is the importance of building your platform. Finding an audience. Making a name for yourself. I can feel the pull of these deeply ingrained values within me--the desire to build my own kingdom.
I have to pause to ask, What does the Bible say about this? It's easy to jump to one side or the other either embracing our culture because it's "common sense" or totally rejecting it because it "clearly contradicts" Scripture. But what does the Bible actually say? Here's a few things I found--feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
Do not hide what God has given you
When God approached Moses and told him to go speak to Pharaoh, Moses tried humility. It earned him a healthy rebuke. "Who made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?" (Exo. 4:11).
I put this principle first because all too often when we think of humility, we think of diminishing ourselves and our talents, not realizing that by doing so we are diminishing our Creator. He has given each of us talents for a reason. Not to be buried beneath a veil of false humility, but to be used according to His purpose to further His Kingdom. When God gives you a task, it is not right for you to say no. Rather, acknowledge your dependence on Him to complete the task, and do so with all faithfulness and love. Which brings me to principle #2:
Acknowledge the Creator in all things
Proverbs 3:1-10 is one of my favorite passages about leaning on God and walking in humility. In verse 6 we are told "In all your ways acknowledge Him" followed by the promise "and He will make straight your paths." Give credit where credit is due. Acknowledge the one who created your hands, who taught you wisdom and placed in your heart a song.
Again, in Deuteronomy 8, as God promises blessing, He warns us against arrogantly saying to ourselves that our own hand brought us this prosperity. The truth is that it all comes from God. The command is simple: "And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you" (Deut. 8:10).
Accept everything in God's timing
John tells us that "a person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven" (John 3:27). This is something we must come to terms with--it is not within our power to determine our success. God sets the seasons, both for increase and decrease.
A few verses down, you may recognize the verse "He must increase, but I must decrease." I want to point out that this is not an absolute statement as many have taken it--before this time John's ministry increased. Rather, it is about recognizing that everything has its place in time and we are each only one small part of God's greater plan.
Lift up others
Philippians 2:3-4 instructs us to count others more significant than ourselves. We must realize that this is not a one-man show. We are each like one instrument in an orchestra or one page in a book. If all we do is toot our own horn, the result is nothing but noise (similarly, if we refuse to play at all, the song is left lacking). Watching the Conductor, each of us accents each other in season, together producing one magnificent song.
I love Romans 12 in this. It begins by instructing us not to be conformed to this world, realizing that the culture around us does not define us. Instead we must walk in God's instructions, according to the role assigned to each of us. And then he goes on to instruct us on how to work together as one body--loving one another, outdoing each other in showing honor, contributing to the needs of the saints, being one in spirit when our brother rejoices or when he weeps, living peaceably with all.
As mentioned earlier, all of this is for the purpose of furthering His Kingdom. In Matthew 6, Yeshua tells us to store up our treasure in heaven. A little further down, He explains this by telling us not to worry about the things that the world worries about. God will provide. Rather our focus should be on seeking the Kingdom of God.
"Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established." -- Proverbs 16:3
Remember, your Father delights in you
Lest this become a burdensome list of rules, I want to remind you of this simple truth: God loves you. Isaiah 62 compares the Lord's delight in His people to that of a bride and bridegroom--"as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."
This is not about trying to be super-righteous or becoming a better rule follower. There's pride in that too. This about your relationship with your Father. It's about not letting anything come between you and Him. It's not about putting down yourself, but about lifting up others as our Father has done for us. It's about pursuing our Father's heart as He pursues ours.
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -- Psalms 37:4
-- Genesis 11:4
When you search the internet for advice on making it as a writer, one of the things that will come up again and again and again is the importance of building your platform. Finding an audience. Making a name for yourself. I can feel the pull of these deeply ingrained values within me--the desire to build my own kingdom.
I have to pause to ask, What does the Bible say about this? It's easy to jump to one side or the other either embracing our culture because it's "common sense" or totally rejecting it because it "clearly contradicts" Scripture. But what does the Bible actually say? Here's a few things I found--feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
Do not hide what God has given you
When God approached Moses and told him to go speak to Pharaoh, Moses tried humility. It earned him a healthy rebuke. "Who made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?" (Exo. 4:11).
I put this principle first because all too often when we think of humility, we think of diminishing ourselves and our talents, not realizing that by doing so we are diminishing our Creator. He has given each of us talents for a reason. Not to be buried beneath a veil of false humility, but to be used according to His purpose to further His Kingdom. When God gives you a task, it is not right for you to say no. Rather, acknowledge your dependence on Him to complete the task, and do so with all faithfulness and love. Which brings me to principle #2:
Acknowledge the Creator in all things
Proverbs 3:1-10 is one of my favorite passages about leaning on God and walking in humility. In verse 6 we are told "In all your ways acknowledge Him" followed by the promise "and He will make straight your paths." Give credit where credit is due. Acknowledge the one who created your hands, who taught you wisdom and placed in your heart a song.
Again, in Deuteronomy 8, as God promises blessing, He warns us against arrogantly saying to ourselves that our own hand brought us this prosperity. The truth is that it all comes from God. The command is simple: "And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you" (Deut. 8:10).
Accept everything in God's timing
John tells us that "a person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven" (John 3:27). This is something we must come to terms with--it is not within our power to determine our success. God sets the seasons, both for increase and decrease.
A few verses down, you may recognize the verse "He must increase, but I must decrease." I want to point out that this is not an absolute statement as many have taken it--before this time John's ministry increased. Rather, it is about recognizing that everything has its place in time and we are each only one small part of God's greater plan.
Philippians 2:3-4 instructs us to count others more significant than ourselves. We must realize that this is not a one-man show. We are each like one instrument in an orchestra or one page in a book. If all we do is toot our own horn, the result is nothing but noise (similarly, if we refuse to play at all, the song is left lacking). Watching the Conductor, each of us accents each other in season, together producing one magnificent song.
I love Romans 12 in this. It begins by instructing us not to be conformed to this world, realizing that the culture around us does not define us. Instead we must walk in God's instructions, according to the role assigned to each of us. And then he goes on to instruct us on how to work together as one body--loving one another, outdoing each other in showing honor, contributing to the needs of the saints, being one in spirit when our brother rejoices or when he weeps, living peaceably with all.
Set your eyes on His Kingdom
As mentioned earlier, all of this is for the purpose of furthering His Kingdom. In Matthew 6, Yeshua tells us to store up our treasure in heaven. A little further down, He explains this by telling us not to worry about the things that the world worries about. God will provide. Rather our focus should be on seeking the Kingdom of God.
"Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established." -- Proverbs 16:3
Remember, your Father delights in you
Lest this become a burdensome list of rules, I want to remind you of this simple truth: God loves you. Isaiah 62 compares the Lord's delight in His people to that of a bride and bridegroom--"as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."
This is not about trying to be super-righteous or becoming a better rule follower. There's pride in that too. This about your relationship with your Father. It's about not letting anything come between you and Him. It's not about putting down yourself, but about lifting up others as our Father has done for us. It's about pursuing our Father's heart as He pursues ours.
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -- Psalms 37:4
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Reflections on NaNo
I know what you're thinking. "It's still November! How can you be writing reflections on NaNo when it isn't even over yet?" (for those of you wondering what in the world I am talking about, click here). The fact is that I finished my novel. Sure, it only came up to 39,868 words. But you know what? That's 39,868 words more than I would have had otherwise.
Besides, 50,000 words isn't really the point of NaNo. Gasp! You mean the whole goal they have you set up is actually just a motivation tool to spur you on through the journey and that the journey is where the real reward is? You know, I couldn't have said it better myself =P. Some arbitrary number of words isn't the point. Writing is. Pursuing your dream of writing a story is. Becoming a better writer and growing as a person is. And having fun. There's that too.
One of the things I did this year is I invited several friends and family to read along as I write. That was an amazing experience. I would always get so excited every time I opened up my email to find "New Comment on your Google Document" or when I would get a Skype message from someone saying they loved such and such part. And then there was poking fun at my own writing in front of everybody. "Hair like a squirrel's tail"?!? Yes, that line actually made it in there. Have no idea where it came from, but it's there.
It's exciting to see how far I've come in my writing since last year. My novel last year came to a screeching halt at 10,000 words. That was the first time. I then rewrote the whole thing in first person, giving me closer to 22,000 words. The rest was filler. Bonus scenes, alternate timeline, character interviews...18,000 words of filler. This year? After going back and deleting all the impromptu discussions with characters and complaining to myself, I still have 36,000 words of solid content. First time. Detail is still very much my weak point, but I would call that an accomplishment.
I experimented with a slightly different kind of story this year--more of an adventure story. At least the first half. The second half was more like my first novel with everything taking place in the same location. The first half had slightly better planning than the second half, but went much better. Dividing the story into distinct and well-defined chapters proved very effective. With the second half, I fell back onto my old habit of trying to stretch what is more of a single scene idea into a full chapter--not so effective.
A few other areas I noticed that still need improvement: Character descriptions. I am absolutely terrible with these. Getting my characters into trouble. I cringe every time one of my characters is about to do something they know is wrong (with the exception of villains--I love my villains). I've noticed that I tend to put a lot more attention on action, on what the characters are doing, than on description and making use of the five senses. This could use a bit more balance. That being said, there are a few descriptions I am particularly proud of. And I very much enjoy weaving symbolism and spiritual lessons into my stories.
The question is now, Where to go from here?
I now have two stories drafted. Both are still in need of some revision. But as I go about writing and rewriting these stories, I need to remember to stay true to myself as an author. I'm not writing to please anybody else--I'm writing because I have a story that needs to be told. And if that story happens to touch another life, all the better. But the most important thing right now is to tell the story faithfully.
Besides, 50,000 words isn't really the point of NaNo. Gasp! You mean the whole goal they have you set up is actually just a motivation tool to spur you on through the journey and that the journey is where the real reward is? You know, I couldn't have said it better myself =P. Some arbitrary number of words isn't the point. Writing is. Pursuing your dream of writing a story is. Becoming a better writer and growing as a person is. And having fun. There's that too.
One of the things I did this year is I invited several friends and family to read along as I write. That was an amazing experience. I would always get so excited every time I opened up my email to find "New Comment on your Google Document" or when I would get a Skype message from someone saying they loved such and such part. And then there was poking fun at my own writing in front of everybody. "Hair like a squirrel's tail"?!? Yes, that line actually made it in there. Have no idea where it came from, but it's there.
It's exciting to see how far I've come in my writing since last year. My novel last year came to a screeching halt at 10,000 words. That was the first time. I then rewrote the whole thing in first person, giving me closer to 22,000 words. The rest was filler. Bonus scenes, alternate timeline, character interviews...18,000 words of filler. This year? After going back and deleting all the impromptu discussions with characters and complaining to myself, I still have 36,000 words of solid content. First time. Detail is still very much my weak point, but I would call that an accomplishment.
I experimented with a slightly different kind of story this year--more of an adventure story. At least the first half. The second half was more like my first novel with everything taking place in the same location. The first half had slightly better planning than the second half, but went much better. Dividing the story into distinct and well-defined chapters proved very effective. With the second half, I fell back onto my old habit of trying to stretch what is more of a single scene idea into a full chapter--not so effective.
A few other areas I noticed that still need improvement: Character descriptions. I am absolutely terrible with these. Getting my characters into trouble. I cringe every time one of my characters is about to do something they know is wrong (with the exception of villains--I love my villains). I've noticed that I tend to put a lot more attention on action, on what the characters are doing, than on description and making use of the five senses. This could use a bit more balance. That being said, there are a few descriptions I am particularly proud of. And I very much enjoy weaving symbolism and spiritual lessons into my stories.
The question is now, Where to go from here?
I now have two stories drafted. Both are still in need of some revision. But as I go about writing and rewriting these stories, I need to remember to stay true to myself as an author. I'm not writing to please anybody else--I'm writing because I have a story that needs to be told. And if that story happens to touch another life, all the better. But the most important thing right now is to tell the story faithfully.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Politics of Fear
As I scan through my newsfeed on Facebook, I notice a that there are a lot of political posts popping up. Especially now, during this government shutdown. Most of the posts are fairly predictable. The conservatives are blaming the liberals. The liberals are blaming the conservatives. And most of them take a step further--inciting fear that the other side is out to destroy America. Frankly, I'm tired of it.
Some time ago, Brant Hansen posted this excellent schematic of how we process ideas: http://www.air1.com/blog/brant/post/2012/04/16/New-Idea-Processor!.aspx
I think this is pretty accurate. Anytime we see a news story or some study that agrees with our preconceived ideas, we tend to take it as truth. And if it stands in contradiction to our beliefs, we immediately dismiss it as false. This is human nature. It's called pride--and it's really hard to let go.
Compounding this problem is fear--the fear of rejection. I know this because I feel it every time I think to go against the flow of what my friends and family may believe. I was raised in a conservative family. Doesn't that make me legally obligated to side with the conservative opinion on all issues? That's what it can feel like sometimes.
Take a step back for a moment. Why do we let the opinions of other people and the politics of this human government get us all riled up? Why do we always feel the need to correct everyone that we perceive as "wrong"? Why are we so hungry for control?
I tell you, the way we argue and fight over politics is not Biblical. We are too afraid of what man might do to us instead of placing our trust in God. We would rather complain about what we have no control over than focus on being a light where we are at. We are more concerned with spouting our own political agendas than listening to what others might have to say. And that makes us no better than the politicians sitting in congress.
One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is Isaiah 58. Every time I read it, I have to ask myself, is he speaking to me? Am I the one who "delights to draw near to God" all the while "seeking my own pleasure" and "hiding myself from my own flesh"?
We need to stop always pointing the finger saying "He did it." We need to start standing for truth even when it runs contrary to ourselves. We need to listen, to put ourselves into the shoes of other people, look through their glasses before judging. They're probably more like you than you think. We need to learn to take up our own responsibility for building this nation and building the Kingdom--focusing on our part instead of dictating to others their part. We need to let go of our need for control, to surrender everything into our Father's hands. And we need to encourage and support each other in this.
Laws don't change hearts. The government will always fall far far short. The only hope for our nation is the light of Messiah--for through His light we are given the instructions of life and a love of kindness, righteousness, blessing, compassion, life, and peace. It's a heart thing, and only God can change hearts. We just have to keep walking in His light day by day.
Some time ago, Brant Hansen posted this excellent schematic of how we process ideas: http://www.air1.com/blog/brant/post/2012/04/16/New-Idea-Processor!.aspx
I think this is pretty accurate. Anytime we see a news story or some study that agrees with our preconceived ideas, we tend to take it as truth. And if it stands in contradiction to our beliefs, we immediately dismiss it as false. This is human nature. It's called pride--and it's really hard to let go.
Compounding this problem is fear--the fear of rejection. I know this because I feel it every time I think to go against the flow of what my friends and family may believe. I was raised in a conservative family. Doesn't that make me legally obligated to side with the conservative opinion on all issues? That's what it can feel like sometimes.
Take a step back for a moment. Why do we let the opinions of other people and the politics of this human government get us all riled up? Why do we always feel the need to correct everyone that we perceive as "wrong"? Why are we so hungry for control?
I tell you, the way we argue and fight over politics is not Biblical. We are too afraid of what man might do to us instead of placing our trust in God. We would rather complain about what we have no control over than focus on being a light where we are at. We are more concerned with spouting our own political agendas than listening to what others might have to say. And that makes us no better than the politicians sitting in congress.
One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is Isaiah 58. Every time I read it, I have to ask myself, is he speaking to me? Am I the one who "delights to draw near to God" all the while "seeking my own pleasure" and "hiding myself from my own flesh"?
If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. -- Isa. 58:9-10The thing that struck me about this passage the last time I read it, is that this is being spoken to a people in exile--a people just like us. Israel was under foreign rule (and they didn't have voting rights back in Babylon), the people uprooted from their land, and yet here God was still offering hope if only they would mend their ways. If only they would learn to walk in justice, mercy, and humility.
We need to stop always pointing the finger saying "He did it." We need to start standing for truth even when it runs contrary to ourselves. We need to listen, to put ourselves into the shoes of other people, look through their glasses before judging. They're probably more like you than you think. We need to learn to take up our own responsibility for building this nation and building the Kingdom--focusing on our part instead of dictating to others their part. We need to let go of our need for control, to surrender everything into our Father's hands. And we need to encourage and support each other in this.
Laws don't change hearts. The government will always fall far far short. The only hope for our nation is the light of Messiah--for through His light we are given the instructions of life and a love of kindness, righteousness, blessing, compassion, life, and peace. It's a heart thing, and only God can change hearts. We just have to keep walking in His light day by day.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Post-Sukkot Update
Hello! It's been a while. Going on two months since my last blog post. A lot has been happening over the last few months.
For one, God has been sharing with me a little bit of His heart for His land and His people. It's still pretty hard for me to wrap my mind around, how a specific geographical area can be so important--but it is. It's all over the Scripture: the land promised to Abraham and Jerusalem the Holy City. Even Yeshua showed zeal for His "Father's house."
Then, of course, we had Sukkot. It was a small group as usual, but it was wonderful. Some highlights included: translating Scripture from the Hebrew, playing games, midrash, and Dictator 2013 (our new world dictator has ruled that imaginary friends now have the right to vote). And meeting a new friend. It's amazing to meet other young people with a love for God and a passion for the Word.
What else...? OH! I forgot to mention earlier that this summer I was accepted onto the HarvestMag team. This has been a dream of mine for some time--to be a part of a Messianic magazine for youth. I've been with them for about three or four months now and I love it. The team is wonderful and I get to write Biblical character sketches for the Portraits column. My brother Mark is on the team as well as a graphical artist.
So, for those who may have been worried, I have not died or gone missing. Just been a tad busy. Anyway, I'll sign off with a bit of encouragement--a verse God has put on my heart as of late:
The heart of man plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.
-- Proverbs 16:9
For one, God has been sharing with me a little bit of His heart for His land and His people. It's still pretty hard for me to wrap my mind around, how a specific geographical area can be so important--but it is. It's all over the Scripture: the land promised to Abraham and Jerusalem the Holy City. Even Yeshua showed zeal for His "Father's house."
Then, of course, we had Sukkot. It was a small group as usual, but it was wonderful. Some highlights included: translating Scripture from the Hebrew, playing games, midrash, and Dictator 2013 (our new world dictator has ruled that imaginary friends now have the right to vote). And meeting a new friend. It's amazing to meet other young people with a love for God and a passion for the Word.
What else...? OH! I forgot to mention earlier that this summer I was accepted onto the HarvestMag team. This has been a dream of mine for some time--to be a part of a Messianic magazine for youth. I've been with them for about three or four months now and I love it. The team is wonderful and I get to write Biblical character sketches for the Portraits column. My brother Mark is on the team as well as a graphical artist.
So, for those who may have been worried, I have not died or gone missing. Just been a tad busy. Anyway, I'll sign off with a bit of encouragement--a verse God has put on my heart as of late:
The heart of man plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.
-- Proverbs 16:9
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
God in a Box
As humans, we are experts at labeling, categorizing, and
boxing everything--including God. In effect, we limit God. How do we do this?
Box #1 -- Moralism
According to this box, God is the definition of good
behavior. He came to turn us into good people. All we have to do is learn right
from wrong, good from bad and do what is right and good and religious.
Everything is black and white. Every decision is made by asking "What is
the Right decision?"
Box #2 -- Heaven's Ticket
Here we have the teaching that God is our ticket to heaven.
We believe in Christ in order to merit the place of "eternal bliss"
and avoid the eternal fire. What you do on this planet isn't that big of a
deal, just hold onto that ticket. You'll need it when you die.
Box #3 -- Candy Man
Similar to box #2, this one tells us that God is our
supplier. He is who we go to when we need or want something--our personal Santa
Claus. Whether it be a pony, a new car, or whatever, all you have to do is
believe and ask. God is here to fulfill your every desire.
Box #4 -- "God"
Something about the term "God" just seems so
impersonal. He's up there in the sky...somewhere. He is the embodiment of
holiness, the perfect being. Only our definition of perfection is an
emotionless robot. This box says that God is a force or a law. No feeling, no
personality, no free will--He is constrained by the laws of perfection (who
wrote these laws?).
Box #5 -- The "Spirit"
Have you been filled with the spirit? Have you felt the
emotional ecstasy of knowing God? Forget doctrine and obedience and all that
dull stuff. Just get caught up in the spirit, cause that's what it is all
about.
Box #6 -- Emotionalism
Close cousin of the “Spirit” box, this one often runs
deceptively under the title “relationship” (as if relationships were all about
emotional highs and how you feel). Basically, if you feel close to God then you
are. If you don’t, you’re doing it wrong.
Box #7 -- Christology
Who is your Messiah? Christ. Who is your righteousness?
Christ. What is the Bible all about? Christ. What about the Father? Christ is
God. What about obedience? Christ fulfilled the law. What about family? Christ
is my family. How are you going to pay your bills next week? Christ.
Box #8 -- Torahology
How do we learn right from wrong? Torah. How do we know what
is pleasing to God? Torah. What is the Bible all about? Torah. What about God?
He is in Torah. What about grace? Grace is no excuse for Torahlessness. Who is
your Messiah? The Living Torah.
Box #9 -- Knowledge
The goal is to know God, right? So, the more we know about
God and theology and doctrine, the more we know God, right? Maybe?
Box #10 -- Beauty
When I look around at the wonder and beauty of creation, all
I can do is stand in awe. It is all so overwhelming—to the point becoming the very
definition of the Creator. Even worship becomes an object to itself.
_____
All of these boxes give a glimpse at certain aspects of God.
Each one has an element of truth to it. Just enough to be deceptive. But they
are all boxes, limiting God. And all of them miss one of the most essential
characteristics of God--His desire for a relationship with us. We throw that
word around in church so often, do we really know what a relationship with God
means?
Four simple words can tell you more about God than all of
those boxes combined: Father, King, Husband, Creator. These words describe our
relationship with God. And they are concrete--we can relate to them. We know
what a father-son relationship is. We know what marriage is. We know the respect
and honor due a King. We know how intimately a craftsman knows his creation.
Am I suggesting that God stops here? No. The fullness of God
is beyond our comprehension. What I am suggesting is that we start here. Learn
to approach God as Father and as King. Fall in love with Him. Our God is
caring, imaginative, and passionate. Don't believe me? Read Job 38-41, Ezekiel
16:1-14, Hosea 2:14-23, Deuteronomy 4:24. He is beyond comprehension, but He
comes to us in ways we can relate to. We are made in His image--we reflect who
He is.
There are so many good things that God has for us and has to teach us. But we must never forget that He is the Living God who loves us--my Father and my King.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Why Yeshua Had To Die (A Kabbalistic Perspective)
For a long time I've asked the asked the question "Why did Yeshua have to die?" Several attempts have been made by various people to answer this question. He had to die to fulfill justice because the wages of sin is death. Or because He walked through the pieces in the Covenant with Abraham and we broke that Covenant. Or in order to remarry Israel after God said her away with a bill of divorcement.
Central to my worldview is the Sovereignty of God. He is the Creator of heaven and earth, the Most High King. He is not bound by any law or any human understanding. We talk of free will--if we who are made in the image of God have any sort of free will, how much more does God who brought forth the heavens from nothing? So, by very definition, I start to have a problem when anyone says "God must do such and such."
The anti-missionaries frequently make the argument that God does not require a sacrifice for atonement--and rightly so. There are numerous examples in Scripture where God forgives without sacrifice. Ezekiel 18 is a favorite. More to the point, why should God be restricted in how He extends forgiveness? Did not God write the Torah and establish the principles of justice? If He did declare that a sacrifice is required, why?
This is where I want to offer some thoughts inspired by the kabbalistic understanding of sacrifice. This won't provide a satisfactory answer to the question of why Yeshua had to die, but I think it will shed some light onto why God may have chosen this method of atonement. To be sure, this is simply one understanding--by no means do I claim it to be the understanding.
The kabbalists cite two reasons for the sacrifices. The first is to move the heart to repentance. The act of shedding the blood of this innocent animal shows the gravity of sin and the importance of walking in God's Torah. This same concept can apply to Yeshua. In order to keep a consistent message, God has to show that sin is not a trivial matter that can simply be winked away. The idea that sin must be punished is not an arbitrary justice system, but rather a disciplinary teaching to keep our eyes on the path--to instill in our hearts how important it is to fear God.
How does one reconcile disciplinary justice with mercy? In the TNK, we see several examples of this. Sometimes the punishment is lessened or delayed. For example, when Moses pleads for Israel over the golden calf, God extends mercy but still promises to visit their iniquity upon them at a later date. The sacrificial system is another example, where unintentional sin is forgiven on the basis of repentance and sacrifice. It is said that a piece of our animal soul is placed on the altar with the sacrifice. It is after this pattern that the sacrifice of Yeshua follows. Mercy was extended, but in order to preserve disciplinary justice and show that sin is no trivial matter, God offered up His Son as payment. But this is only meaningful if we do as Paul said and die to ourselves in Yeshua--if we place a part of our soul upon that cross so that our hearts may be moved to repentance. Otherwise, it is to us as the vain offerings that Isaiah speaks of and we find ourselves guilty of trampling upon the blood of Yeshua. I will return to this idea of dying with Messiah, but first let's go on to the second principle.
It seems the kabbalists are never satisfied with such a simple explanation as that put forward above, so they also claim that through sacrifice the soul of the animal is elevated in holiness. I find this curious because we find exactly the same idea being taught about Yeshua. In the last section of Isaiah 53 we find that because the suffering servant poured himself to death for his people, he earned himself a position of honor. This is echoed in Revelation 5:9-10 where it is stated that only the Lamb is worthy to open the scroll, not simply because of who He is, but because of what He did on the cross. This is the kabblistic principle that to go up you must first go down, to become refined you must pass through fire.
In doing so, Yeshua set an example for us. Over and over, Yeshua taught an upside down Kingdom where the one who would be first must make himself last, the one who would be greatest must make himself a servant, the one who would save his life must lose it. The one who will be a part of the Resurrection of Messiah must take part in His death. This is the command to take up our cross daily, deny ourselves, and follow Him.
One of the fundamental misunderstandings of Christ's atonement that I frequently see is that "Christ died for my sin so I don't have to." While in a sense this is true--He did take away the full punishment of sin--it is incomplete for we are still required to die to self. Romans 6:3, "Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?" This is where other explanations for Yeshua's atoning sacrifice fall short and why I think the ideas presented here are important. The matter is not purely academic; there are practical implications. If Yeshua was simply a substitute, then what is our role? But if He was also the firstfruits, the forerunner setting the example for us all, then it is for us to follow in His footsteps--Fearing God and denying our own selfish desires; taking on the form of a servant that we might be raised with Him in glory.
Central to my worldview is the Sovereignty of God. He is the Creator of heaven and earth, the Most High King. He is not bound by any law or any human understanding. We talk of free will--if we who are made in the image of God have any sort of free will, how much more does God who brought forth the heavens from nothing? So, by very definition, I start to have a problem when anyone says "God must do such and such."
The anti-missionaries frequently make the argument that God does not require a sacrifice for atonement--and rightly so. There are numerous examples in Scripture where God forgives without sacrifice. Ezekiel 18 is a favorite. More to the point, why should God be restricted in how He extends forgiveness? Did not God write the Torah and establish the principles of justice? If He did declare that a sacrifice is required, why?
This is where I want to offer some thoughts inspired by the kabbalistic understanding of sacrifice. This won't provide a satisfactory answer to the question of why Yeshua had to die, but I think it will shed some light onto why God may have chosen this method of atonement. To be sure, this is simply one understanding--by no means do I claim it to be the understanding.
The kabbalists cite two reasons for the sacrifices. The first is to move the heart to repentance. The act of shedding the blood of this innocent animal shows the gravity of sin and the importance of walking in God's Torah. This same concept can apply to Yeshua. In order to keep a consistent message, God has to show that sin is not a trivial matter that can simply be winked away. The idea that sin must be punished is not an arbitrary justice system, but rather a disciplinary teaching to keep our eyes on the path--to instill in our hearts how important it is to fear God.
How does one reconcile disciplinary justice with mercy? In the TNK, we see several examples of this. Sometimes the punishment is lessened or delayed. For example, when Moses pleads for Israel over the golden calf, God extends mercy but still promises to visit their iniquity upon them at a later date. The sacrificial system is another example, where unintentional sin is forgiven on the basis of repentance and sacrifice. It is said that a piece of our animal soul is placed on the altar with the sacrifice. It is after this pattern that the sacrifice of Yeshua follows. Mercy was extended, but in order to preserve disciplinary justice and show that sin is no trivial matter, God offered up His Son as payment. But this is only meaningful if we do as Paul said and die to ourselves in Yeshua--if we place a part of our soul upon that cross so that our hearts may be moved to repentance. Otherwise, it is to us as the vain offerings that Isaiah speaks of and we find ourselves guilty of trampling upon the blood of Yeshua. I will return to this idea of dying with Messiah, but first let's go on to the second principle.
It seems the kabbalists are never satisfied with such a simple explanation as that put forward above, so they also claim that through sacrifice the soul of the animal is elevated in holiness. I find this curious because we find exactly the same idea being taught about Yeshua. In the last section of Isaiah 53 we find that because the suffering servant poured himself to death for his people, he earned himself a position of honor. This is echoed in Revelation 5:9-10 where it is stated that only the Lamb is worthy to open the scroll, not simply because of who He is, but because of what He did on the cross. This is the kabblistic principle that to go up you must first go down, to become refined you must pass through fire.
In doing so, Yeshua set an example for us. Over and over, Yeshua taught an upside down Kingdom where the one who would be first must make himself last, the one who would be greatest must make himself a servant, the one who would save his life must lose it. The one who will be a part of the Resurrection of Messiah must take part in His death. This is the command to take up our cross daily, deny ourselves, and follow Him.
One of the fundamental misunderstandings of Christ's atonement that I frequently see is that "Christ died for my sin so I don't have to." While in a sense this is true--He did take away the full punishment of sin--it is incomplete for we are still required to die to self. Romans 6:3, "Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?" This is where other explanations for Yeshua's atoning sacrifice fall short and why I think the ideas presented here are important. The matter is not purely academic; there are practical implications. If Yeshua was simply a substitute, then what is our role? But if He was also the firstfruits, the forerunner setting the example for us all, then it is for us to follow in His footsteps--Fearing God and denying our own selfish desires; taking on the form of a servant that we might be raised with Him in glory.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Puzzle Pieces
I've heard it said that each of us holds a piece to the puzzle. I believe that each of us *is* a piece to the puzzle. Torah is all about bringing those pieces together, about teaching us to look outside ourselves and create real connections with other human beings.
The adversary opposes this. He will tell you that you stand alone as the whole in yourself. Or that you are misshapen and unfit for the Creator's masterpiece. He will try to force you into holes that you do not fit to dishearten you. He will point out how different everyone else is and tell you that they must conform or that you must conform. He works with fear and pride--fear that you are mangled and do not belong; pride that you exist for yourself or as head of the puzzle. This is the lie.
Torah teaches us to Shema, to listen. To hear another for who they really are, to understand them. To walk in their shoes as Messiah walked in ours. To identify with their struggle, their pain, their joy, and their dreams. That means that sometimes we have to be still and listen. We have to stop talking like we know it all and admit that we can never completely understand the journey of another. We have to stop judging each other because we do not look alike, do not act alike, do not believe alike. The truth is that each one of us has a unique role in the story that our Creator is painting across the canvas of life--a role inseparable from the lives of others.
Torah is about relationship. The opposite of Torah is self-centeredness. Torah is about reaching out, courageously taking the hand of another and recognizing the signature of divine within that person. This is love.
The adversary opposes this. He will tell you that you stand alone as the whole in yourself. Or that you are misshapen and unfit for the Creator's masterpiece. He will try to force you into holes that you do not fit to dishearten you. He will point out how different everyone else is and tell you that they must conform or that you must conform. He works with fear and pride--fear that you are mangled and do not belong; pride that you exist for yourself or as head of the puzzle. This is the lie.
Torah teaches us to Shema, to listen. To hear another for who they really are, to understand them. To walk in their shoes as Messiah walked in ours. To identify with their struggle, their pain, their joy, and their dreams. That means that sometimes we have to be still and listen. We have to stop talking like we know it all and admit that we can never completely understand the journey of another. We have to stop judging each other because we do not look alike, do not act alike, do not believe alike. The truth is that each one of us has a unique role in the story that our Creator is painting across the canvas of life--a role inseparable from the lives of others.
Torah is about relationship. The opposite of Torah is self-centeredness. Torah is about reaching out, courageously taking the hand of another and recognizing the signature of divine within that person. This is love.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Doorkeeper
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my GodI've always wanted to be a world changer, to do something great for God. Anything less seems like a waste of time and energy.
than dwell in the tents of wickedness. -- Psalm 84:10b
When I was younger I went on several mission trips with dreams of becoming a missionary. Not a single salvation can be attributed to my presence there. Holding on to thoughts of helping the less fortunate, I thought about pursuing a career as a doctor. I had plans to take some classes in this field at the local vo-tech. However, I didn't meet the age requirement and was diverted to an engineering class (looking back, I'm pretty sure it was for the best).
I've gone on reading books about radical Christianity, wondering why can't we just give our all and do great things for God right here in our towns. Seems like there is just so much we could do if we just were not afraid / not selfish / more compassionate / [insert missing component here]. There's always something holding me back it seems. And so, I live in a constant state of failure.
____________________
"Better a doorkeeper..."
Last year, this phrase started playing over and over in my mind. I'm not sure why. Perhaps God was trying to tell me something. Every once in a while the words will come back: "Remember...better a doorkeeper..." These words would come to mean so much to me.
____________________
"I'm willing to serve, but on my terms."
Coming to Norman, I had my own ideas of how I would serve God. I was going to start community, get involved in church, help the less fortunate, start my writing career. These were my plans. A year later, there is no community and my church attendance is erratic at best. I did find a food pantry to help at occasionally, but none of this was how I dreamed. I still feel like I'm sitting here idling.
I wanted to change the world from my little apartment. Or at least my town. Or even just the apartment complex. Seems I can't even get to know my neighbor. My plans had fallen flat. When you get right down to it, I was trying to impress God. "Look, God, at how much I can do for you!" When we seek to impress or call out for attention, we forget who God made us to be.
____________________
"If I cannot step outside these four walls to be a blessing to people, then I will be a blessing to others from within these four walls."
I wrote the words above as I struggled with the failure of my plans. The truth is I'm not an outgoing person. I am more comfortable typing than talking. That's how God made me. It is not for me to rebel and say "Why didn't you make me like him or her. Why didn't you make me so that I could do this or that." God has given me talents--I can choose to use them or bury them as I despair over my failure to do things I was never meant to do. I can scold myself for not walking up and talking to a stranger or I can use my energy to write a note to a friend.
The problem is my pride. I want to do something that I see as great, that will earn a name for me or make me feel fulfilled, like I've done something that really mattered. And so, "Great" becomes the goal. A doorkeeper isn't good enough.
____________________
"Some days the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I have made a difference in somebody's life."
This is the one thing I keep coming back to. I may have made a failure out of all my projects, all my schemes of greatness. But I know that I have made a difference in somebody's life. And for that it is all worth it.
That's what it means to be a doorkeeper. To live without worry of how you measure up to the standard, of how "great" your deeds will be, of how you will measure up to other believers--but simply be light. I would rather make a difference in one person's life than speak to thousands who simply nod and applaud.
Whatever you have to offer, however insignificant it may seem--give that. Don't try to give what you don't have or to be someone else. Just do what you can, day by day. Let go of pride. Be the least. Be a doorkeeper.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Writer's Bane (or "Not Writing")
Here I sit at my desk, surfing Facebook while cooking stir-fry and doing laundry. And writing. Well, writing about not writing. I have an email starred in my inbox labeled "How to write whether you feel like it or not." I read it once, then marked it as something to come back to later...that was about a month ago.
If you look online you'll find the majority of articles on writing are about overcoming the myth of "writer's block" (aka procrastination), each of them claiming to hold the secret to jump starting your writing career (each one written in the same self-help format that I rarely find helpful). Of course, in the end they all come back to the same fool-proof principle: Just write. So that is what I am doing. Writing about not writing.
Sometimes I write because I have to. Because it is the only thing that will keep my mind from descending into insanity. Some of my better blog posts have come out of these journaling sessions. But sometimes I write because I have a story to share. Those are the hard kind to write. They take time, lots of time, to get them just right. And writing them is a lonely endeavor.
And then there's the fact that I'm still figuring out my writing process (writing a story is not quite as linear as you would expect).
If only I could convince myself to write short stories (something more fit to my level of patience). But, no. I want write novels. And not just one novel--a whole series of them. Maybe even a series of series. A trilogy here, a heptalogy there...
How is it that last year I was able to write a novella in a month and now I can't seem to write anything? Last year I wrote during NaNoWriMo. There were deadlines. There was community. There was craziness and I was out of my mind (and the dishes piled up).
And, so, instead of writing, I am "not writing." I could go on, but I will end lest my "not writing" become excessively long, and you become excessively bored and never read anything I write (or don't write) ever again for fear of boredom.
If you look online you'll find the majority of articles on writing are about overcoming the myth of "writer's block" (aka procrastination), each of them claiming to hold the secret to jump starting your writing career (each one written in the same self-help format that I rarely find helpful). Of course, in the end they all come back to the same fool-proof principle: Just write. So that is what I am doing. Writing about not writing.
Sometimes I write because I have to. Because it is the only thing that will keep my mind from descending into insanity. Some of my better blog posts have come out of these journaling sessions. But sometimes I write because I have a story to share. Those are the hard kind to write. They take time, lots of time, to get them just right. And writing them is a lonely endeavor.
And then there's the fact that I'm still figuring out my writing process (writing a story is not quite as linear as you would expect).
If only I could convince myself to write short stories (something more fit to my level of patience). But, no. I want write novels. And not just one novel--a whole series of them. Maybe even a series of series. A trilogy here, a heptalogy there...
How is it that last year I was able to write a novella in a month and now I can't seem to write anything? Last year I wrote during NaNoWriMo. There were deadlines. There was community. There was craziness and I was out of my mind (and the dishes piled up).
And, so, instead of writing, I am "not writing." I could go on, but I will end lest my "not writing" become excessively long, and you become excessively bored and never read anything I write (or don't write) ever again for fear of boredom.
Friday, June 7, 2013
The Page That Divides Us
To dismiss the question would be to ignore the Sovereignty of our One God. If God had a son, would He not take issue with those spoke against his son? On the other hand, would God tolerate us giving our worship to an impostor? Someone is right and someone is wrong, the question is not easy and the ramifications are not simple. And yet, we should all be wary lest we turn against our brother with hatred and deny the character of God in our hearts and our speech. We tread on thin ice. No wonder our culture has signed an unwritten agreement of silence. But we cannot be silent.
Too often we relegate God to the background in our discussions. We do this in different ways. Sometimes we use Him as a symbol for all that is good and moral. As love takes the place of God, our Father becomes nothing more than a metaphor to hold us together, and the differences are smoothed over as irrelevant. Sometimes we run out ahead in our zeal for truth. We take it up as our divine duty to uphold the truth against all who would dare deny it. Truth becomes our Master and the will of our Father is forgotten. God is Love. God is Truth. God is NOT an abstract idea.
He is our Father and our King.
We are His children--brothers and sisters trying our best to serve One God.
___________________________________
I want to tell you about this friend I have. He's a pretty cool guy, loves to dance. He cares about this earth and extends kindness to everyone he meets, but a bully he will not tolerate. He saved my life once. Those who have never met my friend claim he is imaginary--like santa, either a harmless fairy tale or dangerous lie. But I have met him and he is real. You might think he would be angry that there are people who would deny his very existence. He hasn't spoken to me too much on this issue except for this: whoever is a friend to me is a friend to him.
This illustration is probably overly simplified, to be sure. The point is that we are not simply arguing about ideas and theologies--we're talking about a person. My Dad has said that a person who denies Yeshua has never truly met Him. It seems so absolute and so irrational--it grates our logical culture of tolerance. And yet, if He truly sits in heaven speaking on our behalf, no less can be true. We can question, challenge, and midrash all we want (and we should), but in the end each one of us has his own unique relationship with the Creator.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Walking On Water
Sometimes the plans we make don't always pan out like we hoped. Like this holiness series I started on my blog for the omer count. For the first two weeks I felt like what I was writing and what I was learning went hand in hand. After that, my posts felt more and more forced. God is continuing to teach me and grow me, but instead accepting that, I try to continue with my own pre-planned agenda.
Today is the 36th day of the omer. Over the last 35 days, I've drafted up two or three blog posts that I never published (and probably won't publish). One's called "My boat" in reference to Peter walking on water with Yeshua. The other is called "Poor in Spirit", the first of the beatitudes. The third one I already deleted some time ago. I bring this up because these drafts were the kind that are written as an outlet for myself rather than a show for everyone else. Both of them center on my lack of faith.
I don't think it's God's power that I have trouble believing. I mean, He created the universe--is it such a far leap to say He can do whatever He wills with it? Nor is it His wisdom. How can an omniscient God not be wise beyond our understanding? I think the part that is hardest to believe is His love.
Why would an omniscient, omnipotent, ever-present God, the King of the universe, whose voice most of the time I cannot hear--why would He care to attend to the details of my life? When I approach Him in prayer, I always hasten to say at the end of each request "not my will, but yours" and then wonder, why am I making the request in the first place if His will is just going to override mine?
A few things God put in my hands these last few weeks: A book about George Muller. He ran an orphanage in Bristol. He started for one primary purpose--to prove that it could be done by solely relying on God. The way he prayed and the way God answered his prayers are just amazing. Everything George prayed for he jotted down in a journal, and then when God answered he jotted that down next to the request. What's most amazing about his story is that he started out in his youth as a crook who thought prayer to be childish. God transformed this man into an amazing example of faith and prayer.
A verse from the book of Matthew: "And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water'" (Matt. 14:28). Command me to leave the safety of my boat to walk on the unsteady waves? Did Peter seriously just ask God to pull out his safety net, his security blanket from under him? The culture today says "God expects you to take care of yourself." That if we do not build our boats securely, we will sink beneath the crashing waves. That those who say they will walk on the water are either too lazy or too naive to build a sturdy boat. But to intentionally ask God to teach me to fully rely on Him--well, that's a dangerous prayer.
Truth be told, I don't know how to walk on water and I don't know George Muller's "formula" for successful prayer. Most of the time, I don't even know how to listen for God's voice. So, I fall back on what God taught me several years ago: "Even if you fall, I will catch you." Because of that, one thing that I can believe God for is that He will not desert me and leave me to my own devices. That He will not give up on me. And through His infinite wisdom, He will find a way to get through my thick skull and soften my hard heart and get me to a place where I can grow (after all, He knows me inside and out).
Maybe if I stop trying to force my own self-growth plan and let the Father do His work in me. Maybe if I stop trying to figure it all out for myself and just trust Him to guide me. It's like that first year of piano lessons, when you want so badly to play something epically awesome, but instead you feel stuck playing scales and learning the basics. And you just "know" that if your teacher let you jump ahead to the hard stuff that you could do it. And maybe you could learn to play one or two songs like that--but the learning would not be the same. In my efforts to live righteously, it's the same thing. I feel like there's no time to be playing around with the small stuff--that I've got to learn it all at once. But that's not how growing works. Most of the time growth is so slow you hardly even notice it is happening. And this can result in the feeling of going nowhere. That's when you have to trust that God is doing His work in you. Imperceptible sometimes, but very real.
So, I won't despair over comparing myself to Muller or other believers, but thank God for such people and the encouragement I can find in their stories. And I may not know the first thing about walking on water (I'm not sure Peter did either), but I will pray that God will call me out onto the waves so that I may learn to fully trust Him. And when I fall, as Peter did, I know His arms will be there to catch me.
Today is the 36th day of the omer. Over the last 35 days, I've drafted up two or three blog posts that I never published (and probably won't publish). One's called "My boat" in reference to Peter walking on water with Yeshua. The other is called "Poor in Spirit", the first of the beatitudes. The third one I already deleted some time ago. I bring this up because these drafts were the kind that are written as an outlet for myself rather than a show for everyone else. Both of them center on my lack of faith.
I don't think it's God's power that I have trouble believing. I mean, He created the universe--is it such a far leap to say He can do whatever He wills with it? Nor is it His wisdom. How can an omniscient God not be wise beyond our understanding? I think the part that is hardest to believe is His love.
Why would an omniscient, omnipotent, ever-present God, the King of the universe, whose voice most of the time I cannot hear--why would He care to attend to the details of my life? When I approach Him in prayer, I always hasten to say at the end of each request "not my will, but yours" and then wonder, why am I making the request in the first place if His will is just going to override mine?
A few things God put in my hands these last few weeks: A book about George Muller. He ran an orphanage in Bristol. He started for one primary purpose--to prove that it could be done by solely relying on God. The way he prayed and the way God answered his prayers are just amazing. Everything George prayed for he jotted down in a journal, and then when God answered he jotted that down next to the request. What's most amazing about his story is that he started out in his youth as a crook who thought prayer to be childish. God transformed this man into an amazing example of faith and prayer.
A verse from the book of Matthew: "And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water'" (Matt. 14:28). Command me to leave the safety of my boat to walk on the unsteady waves? Did Peter seriously just ask God to pull out his safety net, his security blanket from under him? The culture today says "God expects you to take care of yourself." That if we do not build our boats securely, we will sink beneath the crashing waves. That those who say they will walk on the water are either too lazy or too naive to build a sturdy boat. But to intentionally ask God to teach me to fully rely on Him--well, that's a dangerous prayer.
Truth be told, I don't know how to walk on water and I don't know George Muller's "formula" for successful prayer. Most of the time, I don't even know how to listen for God's voice. So, I fall back on what God taught me several years ago: "Even if you fall, I will catch you." Because of that, one thing that I can believe God for is that He will not desert me and leave me to my own devices. That He will not give up on me. And through His infinite wisdom, He will find a way to get through my thick skull and soften my hard heart and get me to a place where I can grow (after all, He knows me inside and out).
Maybe if I stop trying to force my own self-growth plan and let the Father do His work in me. Maybe if I stop trying to figure it all out for myself and just trust Him to guide me. It's like that first year of piano lessons, when you want so badly to play something epically awesome, but instead you feel stuck playing scales and learning the basics. And you just "know" that if your teacher let you jump ahead to the hard stuff that you could do it. And maybe you could learn to play one or two songs like that--but the learning would not be the same. In my efforts to live righteously, it's the same thing. I feel like there's no time to be playing around with the small stuff--that I've got to learn it all at once. But that's not how growing works. Most of the time growth is so slow you hardly even notice it is happening. And this can result in the feeling of going nowhere. That's when you have to trust that God is doing His work in you. Imperceptible sometimes, but very real.
So, I won't despair over comparing myself to Muller or other believers, but thank God for such people and the encouragement I can find in their stories. And I may not know the first thing about walking on water (I'm not sure Peter did either), but I will pray that God will call me out onto the waves so that I may learn to fully trust Him. And when I fall, as Peter did, I know His arms will be there to catch me.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Holiness: First Fruits
The earth is the LORD’s and the fullness thereof,In Deuteronomy 6 we are told to love the LORD our God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our "might". That last word there, "might", has been interpreted by some to mean "possessions" (that is actually how it is rendered in the Targums). Which raises the question, How do you love God with your possessions?
the world and those who dwell therein,
-- Psalm 24:1
The first thing that may come to mind is the tithe. There's actually a couple different tithes in Scripture, but they're all centered around the same two principles: the first fruits of our labor belong to God, and it is our responsibility to take care of the poor in our midst. But it doesn't stop there.
The tithe follows the same pattern as other things we have discussed. You set apart a portion as holy, not so that you can leave the rest as common but so that the whole thing might become elevated through the holy portion (Rom. 11:16). The fact is (as the Scripture above indicates) God owns everything. Your house, your money, your fields, your car--they are all on loan from God. And He has the right to remove these things from you at any time. We are simply servants whom God has entrusted with His creation.
The parable of the talents comes to mind. Three servants were each entrusted with a portion of their master's money and told to invest it. That is how it is with us. The question is will we be like the first two servants who invested their master's money wisely or like the third servant who hid it in the ground?
I like how the English word "talent" actually has two meanings. The one meant here, of course, is currency. But I think the other meaning--our skills and abilities--can apply as well. After all, we belong to God ourselves. Our talents, our skills, they all come from God. We have a responsibility to use those to His glory.
Think about what God has given you, about what He has entrusted you with. From you money to your talents to the fruit of your labor--how are you using these gifts to bless others and bring glory to God? If the task seems overwhelming, just start with the tithe and let it spread from there.
Back to Holiness Challenge
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Holiness: Words
With [our tongue] we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God....my brothers these things ought not to be so. -- James 3:9"Words have power." We've heard it a million times. "Guard your tongue." So the preachers tell us over and over again. "Do not speak evil of others." We know it's wrong to gossip and slander (called "lashon hara" in Hebrew). Yet, our tongues slip so easily. And then there's all the noise, the words that mean nothing but take up space.
Last fall I wrote about perspective, how our focus steers the way we act. This is closely related to words. James tells us that the tongue is like the rudder of the ship. The way we speak affects the way we see things. The words you say become what you believe. When you speak negatively, your attitude becomes negative. But when you speak words of love, when you pray for your enemies, when you bless God who gives and takes away--your focus turns toward those things. Prayer is an amazing tool that we have been given to help us with this.
There's another tradition I've found helpful. The Jewish people have a tradition to say at least one hundred blessings a day. Now, I can't say that I make to one hundred each day, but I have found it helpful to say a quick blessing here and there. Look around you--there are so many things to bless God for. His daily provision, His wonderful creation, His loving discipline, His abundant grace. And when things don't go so well, bless our Redeemer who will one day make all things new.
Bless God for the people around you and pray for them. Bless and do not curse. Bless God who created you, who carefully formed your body and your mind and your spirit, who planted in you dreams and equipped you with talent. You bear the signature of divine, so do not degrade yourself. Bless and do not curse.
Think about how you use your words this week.
*As a side note, Jewish tradition connects leprosy to the sin of lashon hara (as when Miriam spoke against Moses and became leprous). Leprosy was considered the outward sign of the "uncleanness" that Yeshua spoke of in Matthew 15:18.
Back to Holiness Challenge
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Holiness: Purity
Well, this is what I originally intended to write about this week: purity. My brain just decided to break down a few days ago and write something else instead.
Let's start with the tzitzit. These blue fringes that God commands us in Torah to wear are traditionally made out of a wool/linen mixture--a mixture forbidden in any garment except that worn by the high priest. So, to me it's kinda like a small piece of the priesthood that we are given to wear. Just as the sons of Aaron were given as priests to Israel, we are like priests to the world--ambassadors of God, teaching His ways and leading the people to worship our King.
Another interesting fact about tzitzit is that the Hebrew word for "blue" (Techillot) is actually related to the Hebrew word for "bride" (Challah). And the language used in the commandment (Num. 5:38-40) echoes of remaining faithful to the marriage covenant between Israel and God. So, you could think of the tzitzit as a type of wedding ring.
In this light, I see the blue fringes as a reminder that we are to remain pure and faithful to our God just as a bride to her husband. Just as the priests were held to a higher standard of purity so that they could minister to the people, we must maintain a higher standard of purity so that we can minister before the nations. That means keeping ourselves pure from idols. That means guarding our eyes and our ears. That means guarding our hearts and keeping purity a priority in our friendships. We are not our own; we belong to God.
Do you wear tzitzit? What do they mean to you?
Back to Holiness Challenge
Let's start with the tzitzit. These blue fringes that God commands us in Torah to wear are traditionally made out of a wool/linen mixture--a mixture forbidden in any garment except that worn by the high priest. So, to me it's kinda like a small piece of the priesthood that we are given to wear. Just as the sons of Aaron were given as priests to Israel, we are like priests to the world--ambassadors of God, teaching His ways and leading the people to worship our King.
Another interesting fact about tzitzit is that the Hebrew word for "blue" (Techillot) is actually related to the Hebrew word for "bride" (Challah). And the language used in the commandment (Num. 5:38-40) echoes of remaining faithful to the marriage covenant between Israel and God. So, you could think of the tzitzit as a type of wedding ring.
In this light, I see the blue fringes as a reminder that we are to remain pure and faithful to our God just as a bride to her husband. Just as the priests were held to a higher standard of purity so that they could minister to the people, we must maintain a higher standard of purity so that we can minister before the nations. That means keeping ourselves pure from idols. That means guarding our eyes and our ears. That means guarding our hearts and keeping purity a priority in our friendships. We are not our own; we belong to God.
Do you wear tzitzit? What do they mean to you?
Back to Holiness Challenge
Monday, April 15, 2013
Holiness: Fringes
I should have started here. It seems like such a small commandment. Put fringes on your garments. Let the thread of blue remind you of the commandments. Yet, within those blue fringes is where I see the beginnings of holiness.
The world is broken. It has been broken and torn for six thousand years. This is where we live. So, I tie a string to my garment to remind me of who I am--servant of the Most High God, child of the One True King. And when I look at that thread of blue, I remember to look for the fingerprints of God in this world and to be His hands and feet. Because wherever you look, if you look hard enough, you will find the helpers. And just maybe He will give you and me the chance to be helpers too. All He asks for is one small thread.
This week, my challenge is to look at life as one large tapestry and find one place to weave in a thread of holiness.
Back to Holiness Challenge
He doesn't say make whole garments out of blue. Just one thread. One tiny thread that makes the whole garment holy.
I'm listening to the radio today, hearing Brant talk about the Boston marathon explosion that just happened. Two explosions near the end of the finish line resulting in at least two deaths and dozens of injuries. And I'm tempted to just throw in the towel and let the whole world burn. I hear so much of this, the wickedness in the earth. The brokenness of the human race. I've become numb to it.
Brant pulled this quote from Mr. Rogers:
When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”God says tie a thread of blue onto the four corners of your garments. Four--as in the four corners of the earth. There is a thread of blue in the corners of the globe. A single thread of holiness and love, the mark of the people of God. And this is where we are told to look. This is who we are instructed to be. The helpers, the healers of the world.
The world is broken. It has been broken and torn for six thousand years. This is where we live. So, I tie a string to my garment to remind me of who I am--servant of the Most High God, child of the One True King. And when I look at that thread of blue, I remember to look for the fingerprints of God in this world and to be His hands and feet. Because wherever you look, if you look hard enough, you will find the helpers. And just maybe He will give you and me the chance to be helpers too. All He asks for is one small thread.
This week, my challenge is to look at life as one large tapestry and find one place to weave in a thread of holiness.
Back to Holiness Challenge
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)