Walking On Water

Sometimes the plans we make don't always pan out like we hoped. Like this holiness series I started on my blog for the omer count. For the first two weeks I felt like what I was writing and what I was learning went hand in hand. After that, my posts felt more and more forced. God is continuing to teach me and grow me, but instead accepting that, I try to continue with my own pre-planned agenda.

Today is the 36th day of the omer. Over the last 35 days, I've drafted up two or three blog posts that I never published (and probably won't publish). One's called "My boat" in reference to Peter walking on water with Yeshua. The other is called "Poor in Spirit", the first of the beatitudes. The third one I already deleted some time ago. I bring this up because these drafts were the kind that are written as an outlet for myself rather than a show for everyone else. Both of them center on my lack of faith.

I don't think it's God's power that I have trouble believing. I mean, He created the universe--is it such a far leap to say He can do whatever He wills with it? Nor is it His wisdom. How can an omniscient God not be wise beyond our understanding? I think the part that is hardest to believe is His love.

Why would an omniscient, omnipotent, ever-present God, the King of the universe, whose voice most of the time I cannot hear--why would He care to attend to the details of my life? When I approach Him in prayer, I always hasten to say at the end of each request "not my will, but yours" and then wonder, why am I making the request in the first place if His will is just going to override mine?

A few things God put in my hands these last few weeks: A book about George Muller. He ran an orphanage in Bristol. He started for one primary purpose--to prove that it could be done by solely relying on God. The way he prayed and the way God answered his prayers are just amazing. Everything George prayed for he jotted down in a journal, and then when God answered he jotted that down next to the request. What's most amazing about his story is that he started out in his youth as a crook who thought prayer to be childish. God transformed this man into an amazing example of faith and prayer.

A verse from the book of Matthew: "And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water'" (Matt. 14:28). Command me to leave the safety of my boat to walk on the unsteady waves? Did Peter seriously just ask God to pull out his safety net, his security blanket from under him? The culture today says "God expects you to take care of yourself." That if we do not build our boats securely, we will sink beneath the crashing waves. That those who say they will walk on the water are either too lazy or too naive to build a sturdy boat. But to intentionally ask God to teach me to fully rely on Him--well, that's a dangerous prayer.

Truth be told, I don't know how to walk on water and I don't know George Muller's "formula" for successful prayer. Most of the time, I don't even know how to listen for God's voice. So, I fall back on what God taught me several years ago: "Even if you fall, I will catch you." Because of that, one thing that I can believe God for is that He will not desert me and leave me to my own devices. That He will not give up on me. And through His infinite wisdom, He will find a way to get through my thick skull and soften my hard heart and get me to a place where I can grow (after all, He knows me inside and out).

Maybe if I stop trying to force my own self-growth plan and let the Father do His work in me. Maybe if I stop trying to figure it all out for myself and just trust Him to guide me. It's like that first year of piano lessons, when you want so badly to play something epically awesome, but instead you feel stuck playing scales and learning the basics. And you just "know" that if your teacher let you jump ahead to the hard stuff that you could do it. And maybe you could learn to play one or two songs like that--but the learning would not be the same. In my efforts to live righteously, it's the same thing. I feel like there's no time to be playing around with the small stuff--that I've got to learn it all at once. But that's not how growing works. Most of the time growth is so slow you hardly even notice it is happening. And this can result in the feeling of going nowhere. That's when you have to trust that God is doing His work in you. Imperceptible sometimes, but very real.

So, I won't despair over comparing myself to Muller or other believers, but thank God for such people and the encouragement I can find in their stories. And I may not know the first thing about walking on water (I'm not sure Peter did either), but I will pray that God will call me out onto the waves so that I may learn to fully trust Him. And when I fall, as Peter did, I know His arms will be there to catch me.

Holiness: Prayer

You shall speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up. -- Deut. 6:7

Time has always fascinated me. The way it speeds up and slows down. How we choose to spend each of the twenty-four hours we are allotted each day. The way no matter how hard you try to hold onto a moment, it always slips away. And I wonder, how does God see time?

I like to imagine time spread out like the universe full of stars--moments in time that shine with the light of eternity. Life is full of these sparks, the little things that make life worth living. But too often we miss them. An opportunity to do a good deed, a moment of beauty, they simply pass us by as we go about our busy lives. That's where prayer comes in, I think.

The verse quoted above is traditionally understood to be a commandment to recite the Shema in the morning and the evening. I take it as a calling to set apart time with prayer. At the beginning of the day and at the end, in our work and in our rest, our eyes should be turned to our Father in heaven.

When you lie down and when you rise up

I've been trying to set apart some time every morning and every evening for prayer and reflection. I'm not perfect at this by any means and often miss this time (especially in the evening). This week I want to add a small element to my daily prayers.

In the morning: "What can I do to bring out the holiness of today?"
God has hidden opportunities everywhere for us to fulfill a mitzvah, to encourage a friend, to create something beautiful. These are the things that set apart time, that raise it up above the mundane. Ask God to show you those opportunities and to give you the courage to act on them.

In the evening: "What has God revealed to me today of His holiness?"
How has God showed you His love, His beauty, His glory today? Reflect on these things and thank our God for His infinite goodness.

When you sit in your house and when you walk by the way

Prayer sets our focus for the day, but we cannot relegate God to our "prayer time." His presence is with us always in our work and in our rest. I'll touch on this more later as I want to talk about Sabbath in a separate post (this one is already getting quite long).  But for now, think about how you use your time, working and resting. Where are the sparks of holiness in your work and in your rest? Where have you sown seeds and where have they born fruit?

Sparks of Time

There's one more thing I want to touch on, something God showed me in my reading this morning. I think it's relevant because it touches on my tendency to obsess about using time "efficiently." In Mark 14, there is a woman who pours a flask of costly ointment over the head of Yeshua. The disciples complain that she could have sold it and given the money to the poor--she could have been more efficient in her work. As if God's work depended on us. Really, we can give nothing back to God (for it is all His already). Rather, He gives us opportunities to play a part in His story. Yeshua said to the disciples, "She has done what she could"--she found a spark in time and acted upon it. So, don't worry about being inefficient or not good enough. Just do what you can and thank God for the opportunities He has given you to perform a good deed.


There is so much more that could be said about prayer, so much that I've learned over the last several years. And yet, still I feel that I am only scratching the surface. Still, it is important to never forget what prayer is at it's core--a connection between man and God.

What are your thoughts on prayer?

Back to Holiness Challenge

Prayer of a Butterfly

God of our fathers and of every creature under heaven
Transform my life, make me a new creation
Through death of myself and in you resurrection

In wisdom you are crafting the wings with which I fly
Give me wisdom to use them to sail into the sky
And discernment to know when I have flown too high

With kindness you sustain every living creature
Mend my wings, make my flight sure
Forgive my sin, make my heart pure

Creation groans under the weight of sin
They hiss, they fight, but I won't give in
Gently I'll touch a shoulder or a hand
Sharing your love, waiting for redemption

Power of Prayer

I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.
-C.S. Lewis

There are a lot of things I don't understand about prayer. I don't understand it's affect in the spiritual realm. I don't know if telling God something He already knows can cause Him to change His mind. I've seen people miraculously healed through prayer. Sometimes when I pray it feels like I'm talking to the secretary. But there is one thing I have learned about prayer--and it's enough to keep me praying. Prayer changes me.