Building My Own Kingdom

Then they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth.”
-- Genesis 11:4

When you search the internet for advice on making it as a writer, one of the things that will come up again and again and again is the importance of building your platform. Finding an audience. Making a name for yourself. I can feel the pull of these deeply ingrained values within me--the desire to build my own kingdom.

I have to pause to ask, What does the Bible say about this? It's easy to jump to one side or the other either embracing our culture because it's "common sense" or totally rejecting it because it "clearly contradicts" Scripture. But what does the Bible actually say? Here's a few things I found--feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Do not hide what God has given you

When God approached Moses and told him to go speak to Pharaoh, Moses tried humility. It earned him a healthy rebuke. "Who made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?" (Exo. 4:11).

I put this principle first because all too often when we think of humility, we think of diminishing ourselves and our talents, not realizing that by doing so we are diminishing our Creator. He has given each of us talents for a reason. Not to be buried beneath a veil of false humility, but to be used according to His purpose to further His Kingdom. When God gives you a task, it is not right for you to say no. Rather, acknowledge your dependence on Him to complete the task, and do so with all faithfulness and love. Which brings me to principle #2:

Acknowledge the Creator in all things

Proverbs 3:1-10 is one of my favorite passages about leaning on God and walking in humility. In verse 6 we are told "In all your ways acknowledge Him" followed by the promise "and He will make straight your paths." Give credit where credit is due. Acknowledge the one who created your hands, who taught you wisdom and placed in your heart a song.

Again, in Deuteronomy 8, as God promises blessing, He warns us against arrogantly saying to ourselves that our own hand brought us this prosperity. The truth is that it all comes from God. The command is simple: "And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you" (Deut. 8:10).

Accept everything in God's timing

John tells us that "a person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven" (John 3:27). This is something we must come to terms with--it is not within our power to determine our success. God sets the seasons, both for increase and decrease.

A few verses down, you may recognize the verse "He must increase, but I must decrease." I want to point out that this is not an absolute statement as many have taken it--before this time John's ministry increased. Rather, it is about recognizing that everything has its place in time and we are each only one small part of God's greater plan.

Lift up others

Philippians 2:3-4 instructs us to count others more significant than ourselves. We must realize that this is not a one-man show. We are each like one instrument in an orchestra or one page in a book. If all we do is toot our own horn, the result is nothing but noise (similarly, if we refuse to play at all, the song is left lacking). Watching the Conductor, each of us accents each other in season, together producing one magnificent song.

I love Romans 12 in this. It begins by instructing us not to be conformed to this world, realizing that the culture around us does not define us. Instead we must walk in God's instructions, according to the role assigned to each of us. And then he goes on to instruct us on how to work together as one body--loving one another, outdoing each other in showing honor, contributing to the needs of the saints, being one in spirit when our brother rejoices or when he weeps, living peaceably with all.

Set your eyes on His Kingdom

As mentioned earlier, all of this is for the purpose of furthering His Kingdom. In Matthew 6, Yeshua tells us to store up our treasure in heaven. A little further down, He explains this by telling us not to worry about the things that the world worries about. God will provide. Rather our focus should be on seeking the Kingdom of God.

"Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established." -- Proverbs 16:3

Remember, your Father delights in you

Lest this become a burdensome list of rules, I want to remind you of this simple truth: God loves you. Isaiah 62 compares the Lord's delight in His people to that of a bride and bridegroom--"as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."

This is not about trying to be super-righteous or becoming a better rule follower. There's pride in that too. This about your relationship with your Father. It's about not letting anything come between you and Him. It's not about putting down yourself, but about lifting up others as our Father has done for us. It's about pursuing our Father's heart as He pursues ours.


"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -- Psalms 37:4

Reflections on NaNo

I know what you're thinking. "It's still November! How can you be writing reflections on NaNo when it isn't even over yet?" (for those of you wondering what in the world I am talking about, click here). The fact is that I finished my novel. Sure, it only came up to 39,868 words. But you know what? That's 39,868 words more than I would have had otherwise.

Besides, 50,000 words isn't really the point of NaNo. Gasp! You mean the whole goal they have you set up is actually just a motivation tool to spur you on through the journey and that the journey is where the real reward is? You know, I couldn't have said it better myself =P. Some arbitrary number of words isn't the point. Writing is. Pursuing your dream of writing a story is. Becoming a better writer and growing as a person is. And having fun. There's that too.

One of the things I did this year is I invited several friends and family to read along as I write. That was an amazing experience. I would always get so excited every time I opened up my email to find "New Comment on your Google Document" or when I would get a Skype message from someone saying they loved such and such part. And then there was poking fun at my own writing in front of everybody. "Hair like a squirrel's tail"?!? Yes, that line actually made it in there. Have no idea where it came from, but it's there.

It's exciting to see how far I've come in my writing since last year. My novel last year came to a screeching halt at 10,000 words. That was the first time. I then rewrote the whole thing in first person, giving me closer to 22,000 words. The rest was filler. Bonus scenes, alternate timeline, character interviews...18,000 words of filler. This year? After going back and deleting all the impromptu discussions with characters and complaining to myself, I still have 36,000 words of solid content. First time. Detail is still very much my weak point, but I would call that an accomplishment.

I experimented with a slightly different kind of story this year--more of an adventure story. At least the first half. The second half was more like my first novel with everything taking place in the same location. The first half had slightly better planning than the second half, but went much better. Dividing the story into distinct and well-defined chapters proved very effective. With the second half, I fell back onto my old habit of trying to stretch what is more of a single scene idea into a full chapter--not so effective.

A few other areas I noticed that still need improvement: Character descriptions. I am absolutely terrible with these. Getting my characters into trouble. I cringe every time one of my characters is about to do something they know is wrong (with the exception of villains--I love my villains). I've noticed that I tend to put a lot more attention on action, on what the characters are doing, than on description and making use of the five senses. This could use a bit more balance. That being said, there are a few descriptions I am particularly proud of. And I very much enjoy weaving symbolism and spiritual lessons into my stories.

The question is now, Where to go from here?

I now have two stories drafted. Both are still in need of some revision. But as I go about writing and rewriting these stories, I need to remember to stay true to myself as an author. I'm not writing to please anybody else--I'm writing because I have a story that needs to be told. And if that story happens to touch another life, all the better. But the most important thing right now is to tell the story faithfully.

Politics of Fear

As I scan through my newsfeed on Facebook, I notice a that there are a lot of political posts popping up. Especially now, during this government shutdown. Most of the posts are fairly predictable. The conservatives are blaming the liberals. The liberals are blaming the conservatives. And most of them take a step further--inciting fear that the other side is out to destroy America. Frankly, I'm tired of it.

Some time ago, Brant Hansen posted this excellent schematic of how we process ideas: http://www.air1.com/blog/brant/post/2012/04/16/New-Idea-Processor!.aspx

I think this is pretty accurate. Anytime we see a news story or some study that agrees with our preconceived ideas, we tend to take it as truth. And if it stands in contradiction to our beliefs, we immediately dismiss it as false. This is human nature. It's called pride--and it's really hard to let go.

Compounding this problem is fear--the fear of rejection. I know this because I feel it every time I think to go against the flow of what my friends and family may believe. I was raised in a conservative family. Doesn't that make me legally obligated to side with the conservative opinion on all issues? That's what it can feel like sometimes.

Take a step back for a moment. Why do we let the opinions of other people and the politics of this human government get us all riled up? Why do we always feel the need to correct everyone that we perceive as "wrong"? Why are we so hungry for control?

I tell you, the way we argue and fight over politics is not Biblical. We are too afraid of what man might do to us instead of placing our trust in God. We would rather complain about what we have no control over than focus on being a light where we are at. We are more concerned with spouting our own political agendas than listening to what others might have to say. And that makes us no better than the politicians sitting in congress.

One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is Isaiah 58. Every time I read it, I have to ask myself, is he speaking to me? Am I the one who "delights to draw near to God" all the while "seeking my own pleasure" and "hiding myself from my own flesh"?

If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. -- Isa. 58:9-10

The thing that struck me about this passage the last time I read it, is that this is being spoken to a people in exile--a people just like us. Israel was under foreign rule (and they didn't have voting rights back in Babylon), the people uprooted from their land, and yet here God was still offering hope if only they would mend their ways. If only they would learn to walk in justice, mercy, and humility.

We need to stop always pointing the finger saying "He did it." We need to start standing for truth even when it runs contrary to ourselves. We need to listen, to put ourselves into the shoes of other people, look through their glasses before judging. They're probably more like you than you think. We need to learn to take up our own responsibility for building this nation and building the Kingdom--focusing on our part instead of dictating to others their part. We need to let go of our need for control, to surrender everything into our Father's hands. And we need to encourage and support each other in this.

Laws don't change hearts. The government will always fall far far short. The only hope for our nation is the light of Messiah--for through His light we are given the instructions of life and a love of kindness, righteousness, blessing, compassion, life, and peace. It's a heart thing, and only God can change hearts. We just have to keep walking in His light day by day.

Post-Sukkot Update

Hello! It's been a while. Going on two months since my last blog post. A lot has been happening over the last few months.

For one, God has been sharing with me a little bit of His heart for His land and His people. It's still pretty hard for me to wrap my mind around, how a specific geographical area can be so important--but it is. It's all over the Scripture: the land promised to Abraham and Jerusalem the Holy City. Even Yeshua showed zeal for His "Father's house."

Then, of course, we had Sukkot. It was a small group as usual, but it was wonderful. Some highlights included: translating Scripture from the Hebrew, playing games, midrash, and Dictator 2013 (our new world dictator has ruled that imaginary friends now have the right to vote). And meeting a new friend. It's amazing to meet other young people with a love for God and a passion for the Word.

What else...? OH! I forgot to mention earlier that this summer I was accepted onto the HarvestMag team. This has been a dream of mine for some time--to be a part of a Messianic magazine for youth. I've been with them for about three or four months now and I love it. The team is wonderful and I get to write Biblical character sketches for the Portraits column. My brother Mark is on the team as well as a graphical artist.

So, for those who may have been worried, I have not died or gone missing. Just been a tad busy. Anyway, I'll sign off with a bit of encouragement--a verse God has put on my heart as of late:

The heart of man plans his way, 
But the LORD directs his steps.
-- Proverbs 16:9

God in a Box

As humans, we are experts at labeling, categorizing, and boxing everything--including God. In effect, we limit God. How do we do this?

Box #1 -- Moralism

According to this box, God is the definition of good behavior. He came to turn us into good people. All we have to do is learn right from wrong, good from bad and do what is right and good and religious. Everything is black and white. Every decision is made by asking "What is the Right decision?"

Box #2 -- Heaven's Ticket

Here we have the teaching that God is our ticket to heaven. We believe in Christ in order to merit the place of "eternal bliss" and avoid the eternal fire. What you do on this planet isn't that big of a deal, just hold onto that ticket. You'll need it when you die.

Box #3 -- Candy Man

Similar to box #2, this one tells us that God is our supplier. He is who we go to when we need or want something--our personal Santa Claus. Whether it be a pony, a new car, or whatever, all you have to do is believe and ask. God is here to fulfill your every desire.

Box #4 -- "God"

Something about the term "God" just seems so impersonal. He's up there in the sky...somewhere. He is the embodiment of holiness, the perfect being. Only our definition of perfection is an emotionless robot. This box says that God is a force or a law. No feeling, no personality, no free will--He is constrained by the laws of perfection (who wrote these laws?).

Box #5 -- The "Spirit"

Have you been filled with the spirit? Have you felt the emotional ecstasy of knowing God? Forget doctrine and obedience and all that dull stuff. Just get caught up in the spirit, cause that's what it is all about.

Box #6 -- Emotionalism

Close cousin of the “Spirit” box, this one often runs deceptively under the title “relationship” (as if relationships were all about emotional highs and how you feel). Basically, if you feel close to God then you are. If you don’t, you’re doing it wrong.

Box #7 -- Christology

Who is your Messiah? Christ. Who is your righteousness? Christ. What is the Bible all about? Christ. What about the Father? Christ is God. What about obedience? Christ fulfilled the law. What about family? Christ is my family. How are you going to pay your bills next week? Christ.

Box #8 -- Torahology

How do we learn right from wrong? Torah. How do we know what is pleasing to God? Torah. What is the Bible all about? Torah. What about God? He is in Torah. What about grace? Grace is no excuse for Torahlessness. Who is your Messiah? The Living Torah.

Box #9 -- Knowledge

The goal is to know God, right? So, the more we know about God and theology and doctrine, the more we know God, right? Maybe?

Box #10 -- Beauty

When I look around at the wonder and beauty of creation, all I can do is stand in awe. It is all so overwhelming—to the point becoming the very definition of the Creator. Even worship becomes an object to itself.

_____

All of these boxes give a glimpse at certain aspects of God. Each one has an element of truth to it. Just enough to be deceptive. But they are all boxes, limiting God. And all of them miss one of the most essential characteristics of God--His desire for a relationship with us. We throw that word around in church so often, do we really know what a relationship with God means?

Four simple words can tell you more about God than all of those boxes combined: Father, King, Husband, Creator. These words describe our relationship with God. And they are concrete--we can relate to them. We know what a father-son relationship is. We know what marriage is. We know the respect and honor due a King. We know how intimately a craftsman knows his creation.

Am I suggesting that God stops here? No. The fullness of God is beyond our comprehension. What I am suggesting is that we start here. Learn to approach God as Father and as King. Fall in love with Him. Our God is caring, imaginative, and passionate. Don't believe me? Read Job 38-41, Ezekiel 16:1-14, Hosea 2:14-23, Deuteronomy 4:24. He is beyond comprehension, but He comes to us in ways we can relate to. We are made in His image--we reflect who He is.

There are so many good things that God has for us and has to teach us. But we must never forget that He is the Living God who loves us--my Father and my King.

Why Yeshua Had To Die (A Kabbalistic Perspective)

For a long time I've asked the asked the question "Why did Yeshua have to die?" Several attempts have been made by various people to answer this question. He had to die to fulfill justice because the wages of sin is death. Or because He walked through the pieces in the Covenant with Abraham and we broke that Covenant. Or in order to remarry Israel after God said her away with a bill of divorcement.

Central to my worldview is the Sovereignty of God. He is the Creator of heaven and earth, the Most High King. He is not bound by any law or any human understanding. We talk of free will--if we who are made in the image of God have any sort of free will, how much more does God who brought forth the heavens from nothing? So, by very definition, I start to have a problem when anyone says "God must do such and such."

The anti-missionaries frequently make the argument that God does not require a sacrifice for atonement--and rightly so. There are numerous examples in Scripture where God forgives without sacrifice. Ezekiel 18 is a favorite. More to the point, why should God be restricted in how He extends forgiveness? Did not God write the Torah and establish the principles of justice? If He did declare that a sacrifice is required, why?

This is where I want to offer some thoughts inspired by the kabbalistic understanding of sacrifice. This won't provide a satisfactory answer to the question of why Yeshua had to die, but I think it will shed some light onto why God may have chosen this method of atonement. To be sure, this is simply one understanding--by no means do I claim it to be the understanding.

The kabbalists cite two reasons for the sacrifices. The first is to move the heart to repentance. The act of shedding the blood of this innocent animal shows the gravity of sin and the importance of walking in God's Torah. This same concept can apply to Yeshua. In order to keep a consistent message, God has to show that sin is not a trivial matter that can simply be winked away. The idea that sin must be punished is not an arbitrary justice system, but rather a disciplinary teaching to keep our eyes on the path--to instill in our hearts how important it is to fear God.

How does one reconcile disciplinary justice with mercy? In the TNK, we see several examples of this. Sometimes the punishment is lessened or delayed. For example, when Moses pleads for Israel over the golden calf, God extends mercy but still promises to visit their iniquity upon them at a later date. The sacrificial system is another example, where unintentional sin is forgiven on the basis of repentance and sacrifice. It is said that a piece of our animal soul is placed on the altar with the sacrifice. It is after this pattern that the sacrifice of Yeshua follows. Mercy was extended, but in order to preserve disciplinary justice and show that sin is no trivial matter, God offered up His Son as payment. But this is only meaningful if we do as Paul said and die to ourselves in Yeshua--if we place a part of our soul upon that cross so that our hearts may be moved to repentance. Otherwise, it is to us as the vain offerings that Isaiah speaks of and we find ourselves guilty of trampling upon the blood of Yeshua. I will return to this idea of dying with Messiah, but first let's go on to the second principle.

It seems the kabbalists are never satisfied with such a simple explanation as that put forward above, so they also claim that through sacrifice the soul of the animal is elevated in holiness. I find this curious because we find exactly the same idea being taught about Yeshua. In the last section of Isaiah 53 we find that because the suffering servant poured himself to death for his people, he earned himself a position of honor. This is echoed in Revelation 5:9-10 where it is stated that only the Lamb is worthy to open the scroll, not simply because of who He is, but because of what He did on the cross. This is the kabblistic principle that to go up you must first go down, to become refined you must pass through fire.

In doing so, Yeshua set an example for us. Over and over, Yeshua taught an upside down Kingdom where the one who would be first must make himself last, the one who would be greatest must make himself a servant, the one who would save his life must lose it. The one who will be a part of the Resurrection of Messiah must take part in His death. This is the command to take up our cross daily, deny ourselves, and follow Him.

One of the fundamental misunderstandings of Christ's atonement that I frequently see is that "Christ died for my sin so I don't have to." While in a sense this is true--He did take away the full punishment of sin--it is incomplete for we are still required to die to self. Romans 6:3, "Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?" This is where other explanations for Yeshua's atoning sacrifice fall short and why I think the ideas presented here are important. The matter is not purely academic; there are practical implications. If Yeshua was simply a substitute, then what is our role? But if He was also the firstfruits, the forerunner setting the example for us all, then it is for us to follow in His footsteps--Fearing God and denying our own selfish desires; taking on the form of a servant that we might be raised with Him in glory.

Puzzle Pieces

I've heard it said that each of us holds a piece to the puzzle. I believe that each of us *is* a piece to the puzzle. Torah is all about bringing those pieces together, about teaching us to look outside ourselves and create real connections with other human beings.

The adversary opposes this. He will tell you that you stand alone as the whole in yourself. Or that you are misshapen and unfit for the Creator's masterpiece. He will try to force you into holes that you do not fit to dishearten you. He will point out how different everyone else is and tell you that they must conform or that you must conform. He works with fear and pride--fear that you are mangled and do not belong; pride that you exist for yourself or as head of the puzzle. This is the lie.

Torah teaches us to Shema, to listen. To hear another for who they really are, to understand them. To walk in their shoes as Messiah walked in ours. To identify with their struggle, their pain, their joy, and their dreams. That means that sometimes we have to be still and listen. We have to stop talking like we know it all and admit that we can never completely understand the journey of another. We have to stop judging each other because we do not look alike, do not act alike, do not believe alike. The truth is that each one of us has a unique role in the story that our Creator is painting across the canvas of life--a role inseparable from the lives of others.

Torah is about relationship. The opposite of Torah is self-centeredness. Torah is about reaching out, courageously taking the hand of another and recognizing the signature of divine within that person. This is love.

Doorkeeper

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness. -- Psalm 84:10b

I've always wanted to be a world changer, to do something great for God. Anything less seems like a waste of time and energy.

When I was younger I went on several mission trips with dreams of becoming a missionary. Not a single salvation can be attributed to my presence there. Holding on to thoughts of helping the less fortunate, I thought about pursuing a career as a doctor. I had plans to take some classes in this field at the local vo-tech. However, I didn't meet the age requirement and was diverted to an engineering class (looking back, I'm pretty sure it was for the best).

I've gone on reading books about radical Christianity, wondering why can't we just give our all and do great things for God right here in our towns. Seems like there is just so much we could do if we just were not afraid / not selfish / more compassionate / [insert missing component here]. There's always something holding me back it seems. And so, I live in a constant state of failure.

____________________
"Better a doorkeeper..."

Last year, this phrase started playing over and over in my mind. I'm not sure why. Perhaps God was trying to tell me something. Every once in a while the words will come back: "Remember...better a doorkeeper..." These words would come to mean so much to me.

____________________
"I'm willing to serve, but on my terms."

Coming to Norman, I had my own ideas of how I would serve God. I was going to start community, get involved in church, help the less fortunate, start my writing career. These were my plans. A year later, there is no community and my church attendance is erratic at best. I did find a food pantry to help at occasionally, but none of this was how I dreamed. I still feel like I'm sitting here idling.

I wanted to change the world from my little apartment. Or at least my town. Or even just the apartment complex. Seems I can't even get to know my neighbor. My plans had fallen flat. When you get right down to it, I was trying to impress God. "Look, God, at how much I can do for you!" When we seek to impress or call out for attention, we forget who God made us to be.

____________________
"If I cannot step outside these four walls to be a blessing to people, then I will be a blessing to others from within these four walls."

I wrote the words above as I struggled with the failure of my plans. The truth is I'm not an outgoing person. I am more comfortable typing than talking. That's how God made me. It is not for me to rebel and say "Why didn't you make me like him or her. Why didn't you make me so that I could do this or that." God has given me talents--I can choose to use them or bury them as I despair over my failure to do things I was never meant to do. I can scold myself for not walking up and talking to a stranger or I can use my energy to write a note to a friend.

The problem is my pride. I want to do something that I see as great, that will earn a name for me or make me feel fulfilled, like I've done something that really mattered. And so, "Great" becomes the goal. A doorkeeper isn't good enough.

____________________
"Some days the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I have made a difference in somebody's life."

This is the one thing I keep coming back to. I may have made a failure out of all my projects, all my schemes of greatness. But I know that I have made a difference in somebody's life. And for that it is all worth it.

That's what it means to be a doorkeeper. To live without worry of how you measure up to the standard, of how "great" your deeds will be, of how you will measure up to other believers--but simply be light. I would rather make a difference in one person's life than speak to thousands who simply nod and applaud.

Whatever you have to offer, however insignificant it may seem--give that. Don't try to give what you don't have or to be someone else. Just do what you can, day by day. Let go of pride. Be the least. Be a doorkeeper.

Writer's Bane (or "Not Writing")

Here I sit at my desk, surfing Facebook while cooking stir-fry and doing laundry. And writing. Well, writing about not writing. I have an email starred in my inbox labeled "How to write whether you feel like it or not." I read it once, then marked it as something to come back to later...that was about a month ago.

If you look online you'll find the majority of articles on writing are about overcoming the myth of "writer's block" (aka procrastination), each of them claiming to hold the secret to jump starting your writing career (each one written in the same self-help format that I rarely find helpful). Of course, in the end they all come back to the same fool-proof principle: Just write. So that is what I am doing. Writing about not writing.

Sometimes I write because I have to. Because it is the only thing that will keep my mind from descending into insanity. Some of my better blog posts have come out of these journaling sessions. But sometimes I write because I have a story to share. Those are the hard kind to write. They take time, lots of time, to get them just right. And writing them is a lonely endeavor.

And then there's the fact that I'm still figuring out my writing process (writing a story is not quite as linear as you would expect).

If only I could convince myself to write short stories (something more fit to my level of patience). But, no. I want write novels. And not just one novel--a whole series of them. Maybe even a series of series. A trilogy here, a heptalogy there...

How is it that last year I was able to write a novella in a month and now I can't seem to write anything? Last year I wrote during NaNoWriMo. There were deadlines. There was community. There was craziness and I was out of my mind (and the dishes piled up).

And, so, instead of writing, I am "not writing." I could go on, but I will end lest my "not writing" become excessively long, and you become excessively bored and never read anything I write (or don't write) ever again for fear of boredom.

The Page That Divides Us

Over the last few weeks, I've been involved in a few discussions regarding Messiah and his identity. Conversations where the veracity of the New Testament and the role of Yeshua have come under question. It doesn't take much for these kinds of conversations to turn sour. Heaven and Hell seemingly hang in the balance; one is called an idolater, the other accused of denying the Son of God.

To dismiss the question would be to ignore the Sovereignty of our One God. If God had a son, would He not take issue with those spoke against his son? On the other hand, would God tolerate us giving our worship to an impostor? Someone is right and someone is wrong, the question is not easy and the ramifications are not simple. And yet, we should all be wary lest we turn against our brother with hatred and deny the character of God in our hearts and our speech. We tread on thin ice. No wonder our culture has signed an unwritten agreement of silence. But we cannot be silent.

Too often we relegate God to the background in our discussions. We do this in different ways. Sometimes we use Him as a symbol for all that is good and moral. As love takes the place of God, our Father becomes nothing more than a metaphor to hold us together, and the differences are smoothed over as irrelevant. Sometimes we run out ahead in our zeal for truth. We take it up as our divine duty to uphold the truth against all who would dare deny it. Truth becomes our Master and the will of our Father is forgotten. God is Love. God is Truth. God is NOT an abstract idea.

He is our Father and our King.
We are His children--brothers and sisters trying our best to serve One God.

___________________________________

I want to tell you about this friend I have. He's a pretty cool guy, loves to dance. He cares about this earth and extends kindness to everyone he meets, but a bully he will not tolerate. He saved my life once. Those who have never met my friend claim he is imaginary--like santa, either a harmless fairy tale or dangerous lie. But I have met him and he is real. You might think he would be angry that there are people who would deny his very existence. He hasn't spoken to me too much on this issue except for this: whoever is a friend to me is a friend to him.

This illustration is probably overly simplified, to be sure. The point is that we are not simply arguing about ideas and theologies--we're talking about a person. My Dad has said that a person who denies Yeshua has never truly met Him. It seems so absolute and so irrational--it grates our logical culture of tolerance. And yet, if He truly sits in heaven speaking on our behalf, no less can be true. We can question, challenge, and midrash all we want (and we should), but in the end each one of us has his own unique relationship with the Creator.

Walking On Water

Sometimes the plans we make don't always pan out like we hoped. Like this holiness series I started on my blog for the omer count. For the first two weeks I felt like what I was writing and what I was learning went hand in hand. After that, my posts felt more and more forced. God is continuing to teach me and grow me, but instead accepting that, I try to continue with my own pre-planned agenda.

Today is the 36th day of the omer. Over the last 35 days, I've drafted up two or three blog posts that I never published (and probably won't publish). One's called "My boat" in reference to Peter walking on water with Yeshua. The other is called "Poor in Spirit", the first of the beatitudes. The third one I already deleted some time ago. I bring this up because these drafts were the kind that are written as an outlet for myself rather than a show for everyone else. Both of them center on my lack of faith.

I don't think it's God's power that I have trouble believing. I mean, He created the universe--is it such a far leap to say He can do whatever He wills with it? Nor is it His wisdom. How can an omniscient God not be wise beyond our understanding? I think the part that is hardest to believe is His love.

Why would an omniscient, omnipotent, ever-present God, the King of the universe, whose voice most of the time I cannot hear--why would He care to attend to the details of my life? When I approach Him in prayer, I always hasten to say at the end of each request "not my will, but yours" and then wonder, why am I making the request in the first place if His will is just going to override mine?

A few things God put in my hands these last few weeks: A book about George Muller. He ran an orphanage in Bristol. He started for one primary purpose--to prove that it could be done by solely relying on God. The way he prayed and the way God answered his prayers are just amazing. Everything George prayed for he jotted down in a journal, and then when God answered he jotted that down next to the request. What's most amazing about his story is that he started out in his youth as a crook who thought prayer to be childish. God transformed this man into an amazing example of faith and prayer.

A verse from the book of Matthew: "And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water'" (Matt. 14:28). Command me to leave the safety of my boat to walk on the unsteady waves? Did Peter seriously just ask God to pull out his safety net, his security blanket from under him? The culture today says "God expects you to take care of yourself." That if we do not build our boats securely, we will sink beneath the crashing waves. That those who say they will walk on the water are either too lazy or too naive to build a sturdy boat. But to intentionally ask God to teach me to fully rely on Him--well, that's a dangerous prayer.

Truth be told, I don't know how to walk on water and I don't know George Muller's "formula" for successful prayer. Most of the time, I don't even know how to listen for God's voice. So, I fall back on what God taught me several years ago: "Even if you fall, I will catch you." Because of that, one thing that I can believe God for is that He will not desert me and leave me to my own devices. That He will not give up on me. And through His infinite wisdom, He will find a way to get through my thick skull and soften my hard heart and get me to a place where I can grow (after all, He knows me inside and out).

Maybe if I stop trying to force my own self-growth plan and let the Father do His work in me. Maybe if I stop trying to figure it all out for myself and just trust Him to guide me. It's like that first year of piano lessons, when you want so badly to play something epically awesome, but instead you feel stuck playing scales and learning the basics. And you just "know" that if your teacher let you jump ahead to the hard stuff that you could do it. And maybe you could learn to play one or two songs like that--but the learning would not be the same. In my efforts to live righteously, it's the same thing. I feel like there's no time to be playing around with the small stuff--that I've got to learn it all at once. But that's not how growing works. Most of the time growth is so slow you hardly even notice it is happening. And this can result in the feeling of going nowhere. That's when you have to trust that God is doing His work in you. Imperceptible sometimes, but very real.

So, I won't despair over comparing myself to Muller or other believers, but thank God for such people and the encouragement I can find in their stories. And I may not know the first thing about walking on water (I'm not sure Peter did either), but I will pray that God will call me out onto the waves so that I may learn to fully trust Him. And when I fall, as Peter did, I know His arms will be there to catch me.

Holiness: First Fruits

The earth is the LORD’s and the fullness thereof,
the world and those who dwell therein,

-- Psalm 24:1

In Deuteronomy 6 we are told to love the LORD our God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our "might". That last word there, "might", has been interpreted by some to mean "possessions" (that is actually how it is rendered in the Targums). Which raises the question, How do you love God with your possessions?

The first thing that may come to mind is the tithe. There's actually a couple different tithes in Scripture, but they're all centered around the same two principles: the first fruits of our labor belong to God, and it is our responsibility to take care of the poor in our midst. But it doesn't stop there.

The tithe follows the same pattern as other things we have discussed. You set apart a portion as holy, not so that you can leave the rest as common but so that the whole thing might become elevated through the holy portion (Rom. 11:16). The fact is (as the Scripture above indicates) God owns everything. Your house, your money, your fields, your car--they are all on loan from God. And He has the right to remove these things from you at any time. We are simply servants whom God has entrusted with His creation.

The parable of the talents comes to mind. Three servants were each entrusted with a portion of their master's money and told to invest it. That is how it is with us. The question is will we be like the first two servants who invested their master's money wisely or like the third servant who hid it in the ground?

I like how the English word "talent" actually has two meanings. The one meant here, of course, is currency. But I think the other meaning--our skills and abilities--can apply as well. After all, we belong to God ourselves. Our talents, our skills, they all come from God. We have a responsibility to use those to His glory.

Think about what God has given you, about what He has entrusted you with. From you money to your talents to the fruit of your labor--how are you using these gifts to bless others and bring glory to God? If the task seems overwhelming, just start with the tithe and let it spread from there.

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Holiness: Words

With [our tongue] we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God....my brothers these things ought not to be so. -- James 3:9

"Words have power." We've heard it a million times. "Guard your tongue." So the preachers tell us over and over again. "Do not speak evil of others." We know it's wrong to gossip and slander (called "lashon hara" in Hebrew). Yet, our tongues slip so easily. And then there's all the noise, the words that mean nothing but take up space.

Last fall I wrote about perspective, how our focus steers the way we act. This is closely related to words. James tells us that the tongue is like the rudder of the ship. The way we speak affects the way we see things. The words you say become what you believe. When you speak negatively, your attitude becomes negative. But when you speak words of love, when you pray for your enemies, when you bless God who gives and takes away--your focus turns toward those things. Prayer is an amazing tool that we have been given to help us with this.

There's another tradition I've found helpful. The Jewish people have a tradition to say at least one hundred blessings a day. Now, I can't say that I make to one hundred each day, but I have found it helpful to say a quick blessing here and there. Look around you--there are so many things to bless God for. His daily provision, His wonderful creation, His loving discipline, His abundant grace. And when things don't go so well, bless our Redeemer who will one day make all things new.

Bless God for the people around you and pray for them. Bless and do not curse. Bless God who created you, who carefully formed your body and your mind and your spirit, who planted in you dreams and equipped you with talent. You bear the signature of divine, so do not degrade yourself. Bless and do not curse.

Think about how you use your words this week.


*As a side note, Jewish tradition connects leprosy to the sin of lashon hara (as when Miriam spoke against Moses and became leprous). Leprosy was considered the outward sign of the "uncleanness" that Yeshua spoke of in Matthew 15:18.

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Holiness: Purity

Well, this is what I originally intended to write about this week: purity. My brain just decided to break down a few days ago and write something else instead.

Let's start with the tzitzit. These blue fringes that God commands us in Torah to wear are traditionally made out of a wool/linen mixture--a mixture forbidden in any garment except that worn by the high priest. So, to me it's kinda like a small piece of the priesthood that we are given to wear. Just as the sons of Aaron were given as priests to Israel, we are like priests to the world--ambassadors of God, teaching His ways and leading the people to worship our King.

Another interesting fact about tzitzit is that the Hebrew word for "blue" (Techillot) is actually related to the Hebrew word for "bride" (Challah). And the language used in the commandment (Num. 5:38-40) echoes of remaining faithful to the marriage covenant between Israel and God. So, you could think of the tzitzit as a type of wedding ring.

In this light, I see the blue fringes as a reminder that we are to remain pure and faithful to our God just as a bride to her husband. Just as the priests were held to a higher standard of purity so that they could minister to the people, we must maintain a higher standard of purity so that we can minister before the nations. That means keeping ourselves pure from idols. That means guarding our eyes and our ears. That means guarding our hearts and keeping purity a priority in our friendships. We are not our own; we belong to God.

Do you wear tzitzit? What do they mean to you?

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Holiness: Fringes

I should have started here. It seems like such a small commandment. Put fringes on your garments. Let the thread of blue remind you of the commandments. Yet, within those blue fringes is where I see the beginnings of holiness. 

He doesn't say make whole garments out of blue. Just one thread. One tiny thread that makes the whole garment holy.

I'm listening to the radio today, hearing Brant talk about the Boston marathon explosion that just happened. Two explosions near the end of the finish line resulting in at least two deaths and dozens of injuries. And I'm tempted to just throw in the towel and let the whole world burn. I hear so much of this, the wickedness in the earth. The brokenness of the human race. I've become numb to it.

Brant pulled this quote from Mr. Rogers:

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

God says tie a thread of blue onto the four corners of your garments. Four--as in the four corners of the earth. There is a thread of blue in the corners of the globe. A single thread of holiness and love, the mark of the people of God. And this is where we are told to look. This is who we are instructed to be. The helpers, the healers of the world.

The world is broken. It has been broken and torn for six thousand years. This is where we live. So, I tie a string to my garment to remind me of who I am--servant of the Most High God, child of the One True King. And when I look at that thread of blue, I remember to look for the fingerprints of God in this world and to be His hands and feet. Because wherever you look, if you look hard enough, you will find the helpers. And just maybe He will give you and me the chance to be helpers too. All He asks for is one small thread.

This week, my challenge is to look at life as one large tapestry and find one place to weave in a thread of holiness.

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Holiness: Gates

You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

-- Deuteronomy 6:9

After living in my apartment for half a year, I finally bought a mezuzah and affixed it to the doorway. For those who don't know, a mezuzah is a parchment of Scripture contained within a decorative case. It is the traditional way of fulfilling the commandment above, to "write these words upon the doorposts of your house." Others may interpret this command more metaphorically (which I think is fair), but I want to show you why I think the traditional interpretation has benefit.

First of all, I do think the metaphorical (or "spiritual" if you prefer) meaning is at the heart of the commandment. Our homes are to be set apart to God through His commandments. In a world where darkness and sin pervade, our homes are one place that we can exercise some control over. It is up to us to decide what comes in and what goes out of our dwellings. We are to guard the "gates" from any uncleanness that might threaten the sanctity of our home.

The physical mezuzah, for me, serves as a reminder. It is all too easy to walk in and out and totally forget the distinction between the holy and the profane. As we try to get on with our hectic lives, everything starts to blend together. But, every time I walk through my doorway and touch the mezuzah, I remember Who my Protector is--the One who guards me physically and spiritually both inside and outside the home. I'm not going to tell you that hanging a mezuzah on your doorpost is a commandment, but I would encourage you to consider it as something that may help you in your walk.

_______________

Let's take a deeper look at this commandment. We are told to write words of Torah upon the doorpost and gateways of our house. Where are the gateways and how do we guard them?

The most obvious gateway would be the door to your home. This is where you walk in and out everyday. This is where guests enter and leave and where you bring in your "stuff" from the store. A lot can pass through this gateway on a daily basis. When a friend or neighbor comes over, they leave their baggage at the door. Your home is set apart by the Torah; unclean spirits are not welcome. When you walk out, you walk out as an ambassador for Messiah. A gateway is two-way, you guard what comes in so that love and holiness may flow out.

There are other gateways that may not be quite as apparent. Television, internet, and phones all serve as gateways into the home. What is entering your home through these avenues? How can you affix words of Torah to these doorways? Just some questions to think about. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough on this topic. How do you set apart your home?

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Holiness: Sabbath

For six days we work to make this world a better place. But the seventh we set aside to reflect on the good that God has done. 

Faithfulness, justice, and mercy. These are the attributes that should mark our work and our rest.

The six work days are about what we do--our work for the Kingdom. Wherever we are in life, God calls us to work faithfully as to Him, for He placed us where we are. Doesn't matter if that's writing books, forecasting storms, shoveling sand, or cooking for your siblings. We are to work with justice, always doing the right thing even when it hurts. And we are to work with mercy, for we are all human. We all make mistakes and we all need love. It's not just business. It is your post as an ambassador of the Most High.

On Sabbath we remember it's not about us. It's about our Father. This is when we recover our identity as the children of God. We remember His faithfulness to His Covenant, His justice for the poor, the stranger, the oppressed, and His mercy on His people. The work is done. It is finished. There is nothing we can add to or take away from what He has done. All that is left is for us to rest in His goodness.


How do you set apart the Shabbat?

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Holiness: Prayer

You shall speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up. -- Deut. 6:7

Time has always fascinated me. The way it speeds up and slows down. How we choose to spend each of the twenty-four hours we are allotted each day. The way no matter how hard you try to hold onto a moment, it always slips away. And I wonder, how does God see time?

I like to imagine time spread out like the universe full of stars--moments in time that shine with the light of eternity. Life is full of these sparks, the little things that make life worth living. But too often we miss them. An opportunity to do a good deed, a moment of beauty, they simply pass us by as we go about our busy lives. That's where prayer comes in, I think.

The verse quoted above is traditionally understood to be a commandment to recite the Shema in the morning and the evening. I take it as a calling to set apart time with prayer. At the beginning of the day and at the end, in our work and in our rest, our eyes should be turned to our Father in heaven.

When you lie down and when you rise up

I've been trying to set apart some time every morning and every evening for prayer and reflection. I'm not perfect at this by any means and often miss this time (especially in the evening). This week I want to add a small element to my daily prayers.

In the morning: "What can I do to bring out the holiness of today?"
God has hidden opportunities everywhere for us to fulfill a mitzvah, to encourage a friend, to create something beautiful. These are the things that set apart time, that raise it up above the mundane. Ask God to show you those opportunities and to give you the courage to act on them.

In the evening: "What has God revealed to me today of His holiness?"
How has God showed you His love, His beauty, His glory today? Reflect on these things and thank our God for His infinite goodness.

When you sit in your house and when you walk by the way

Prayer sets our focus for the day, but we cannot relegate God to our "prayer time." His presence is with us always in our work and in our rest. I'll touch on this more later as I want to talk about Sabbath in a separate post (this one is already getting quite long).  But for now, think about how you use your time, working and resting. Where are the sparks of holiness in your work and in your rest? Where have you sown seeds and where have they born fruit?

Sparks of Time

There's one more thing I want to touch on, something God showed me in my reading this morning. I think it's relevant because it touches on my tendency to obsess about using time "efficiently." In Mark 14, there is a woman who pours a flask of costly ointment over the head of Yeshua. The disciples complain that she could have sold it and given the money to the poor--she could have been more efficient in her work. As if God's work depended on us. Really, we can give nothing back to God (for it is all His already). Rather, He gives us opportunities to play a part in His story. Yeshua said to the disciples, "She has done what she could"--she found a spark in time and acted upon it. So, don't worry about being inefficient or not good enough. Just do what you can and thank God for the opportunities He has given you to perform a good deed.


There is so much more that could be said about prayer, so much that I've learned over the last several years. And yet, still I feel that I am only scratching the surface. Still, it is important to never forget what prayer is at it's core--a connection between man and God.

What are your thoughts on prayer?

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Holiness Challenge

Today is First Fruits and the beginning of the counting of the omer--fifty days that lead up from First Fruits to Shavuot (Pentecost). We are commanded to mark each of these days as we count toward the offering of first fruits of wheat. Traditionally, this is considered a time of preparation and spiritual growth, culminating with the giving of the Torah and the Holy Spirit at Shavuot.

One of the things I've been studying recently is holiness. So, I've decided to take these fifty days as a sort of "holiness challenge." I've divided these this out so that each week would correspond with certain "holiness" commandments. My hope is that this will not only help cultivate holiness, but also bring out some understanding of those commandments that are often regarded as purely "ceremonial." Things like kosher and tzitzit and Sabbath--I believe these are not only symbols, but practical boundary markers set in place to help us maintain a standard of holiness.

That being said, I don't claim this to be the best way to divide up holiness and I am almost certainly leaving something out. Nor is my understanding of holiness perfect. But I hope that this is a start in the right direction. You are welcome to join me on this adventure. I'm going to try to post something to the blog each week--I'd love to hear your thoughts as well. After all, challenging and encouraging each other helps us to grow. At any rate, I hope that this will be a season of spiritual growth and learning for all of us--growing closer to our Father and learning His ways as we prepare to receive His Spirit. The chase is on.


Week 1: Time (Sabbath & Prayer)
--focus your day with prayer
--six days of work, seventh day is a Shabbat

Week 2: Home (Mezuzah)
--let nothing unclean enter your gates

Week 3: Relationships (Tzitzit)
--know who you are
--conduct yourself with purity

Week 4: Tongue (Blessings / Leprosy)
--let your mouth and your deeds speak only blessings

Week 5: Possessions (Tithe)
--set apart the first part of everything God has given you

Week 6: Friendships (Kosher)
--maintain proper boundaries in friendship

Week 7: Selflessness (Light)
--do unto others as you would have them do unto you

Meaning of Holiness

What is holiness and why do we need it?

Literally, the word "Kadosh" (Holy) means "set apart." It implies distinction and boundaries. Scripture says "Be holy for I am holy" implying a sort of Godliness in this idea of holiness (1 Pet. 1:16).

Stopping here, some have taken holiness to mean "isolationism" or "religiosity." Isolationism comes from a fear of being polluted, of losing your status of holiness. Religiosity stems from pride, the "holier than thou" attitude. The problem with both of these ideas is that they are stripped of purpose. Holiness is reduced down to something that revolves around you. Isaiah 65:5 speaks of this type of holiness. So, what is the purpose of holiness?

Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work. -- 2 Timothy 2:21

According to Paul in 2 Timothy, holiness is to prepare us for "every good work." Two examples can help to illustrate this.

Consider a hospital with doctors and patients. It is essential for the doctors to maintain a sort of "holiness" in order to keep from getting sick. But that is not the end goal. If that were the case, they could simply stay away from the hospital. The end goal is the healing of the patients. The doctors maintain their holiness so that they may be well equipped to bring healing to the world. It is the same with Biblical holiness.

Consider also the Sabbath. It is interesting to note that God did not make every day Sabbath. If it was His intention that we live in the Sabbath, then He would have done so (remember, this all happened before the fall). Rather, He divided the week into six days of work and one day of rest. Six common days and one holy day. Why? So that the holiness of Sabbath could overflow into our mundane working lives and touch every corner of creation. We rest on Sabbath so that we may be restored in order to carry out "every good work" of the Kingdom the other six days. Of course, this process works like a cycle where the other six days serve as preparation for the Sabbath as well, but we cannot forget the other half.

As we work to set up boundaries in our lives and maintain Godliness, we should keep the purpose of holiness in mind. Standards that are too strict will cut us off from our purpose in the world, while standards too loose will render us ineffective. Finding that balance takes time--it is a growing process. But I believe if we keep the purpose of holiness in mind--so that we may be a light unto the world--I believe that will help guide us.

Unleavened Souls

The first few chapters of 1 Corinthians talks about a problem most of us can identify with--divisions in the church. Everyone claims to have knowledge of the truth, yet somehow each "truth" is different. And so we accuse each other of following after man-made doctrines or misrepresenting the text. We're too narrow-sighted to see that maybe we just might be wrong; that maybe the text isn't quite as clear as we think that it should be.

Some of the popular arguments around this time of year revolve around the calendar, the timing of Passover, the definition of leaven, the sequence of events surrounding Yeshua's crucifixion, Messiah's role as the Passover Lamb, the pagan roots of Easter, the role of tradition in our lives (e.g. the Seder), etc.

This is the season for getting rid of leaven. Typically, leaven is seen as a metaphor for sin, however, I want to suggest a different interpretation. I see leaven as teaching or doctrine. That's how it seems to be used in Matt. 16:12. You might say "But teaching isn't always a bad thing." True. Leaven isn't either. Matt. 13:33 uses leaven in a positive context. Lev. 23:17 describes an offering that is to be baked with leaven. Of course, this is all just a picture or midrash.

If we take this picture back to the original Exodus story, it would look something like this. God commands all of Israel to get rid of their leaven or doctrine in Egypt--to leave their Egyptian ways behind. Fifty days later, God presents the Torah at Shavuot. Shavuot is the only day when a leavened offering is brought to the altar. Perhaps because this is when God gave His Torah, his teaching to Israel. It's the good leaven.

Jump forward 1500 years and Paul is talking about leaven again. In 1 Cor. 5 he talks about the leaven of "malice and evil." Curiously, this whole book is filled with warnings about knowledge and human wisdom. 1 Cor. 8:1 says "knowledge puffs up"--much like leaven puffs up bread. Paul urges us to cleanse out the leaven that causes us to boast.

Instead we must walk humbly with our God. Drop back to the Exodus story and we find that no man may eat of the Passover Lamb without being circumcised. Looking at the spiritual side again, Deut. 10:16 commands us to "circumcise the foreskin of your heart and be no longer stubborn." That's humility.

Paul warns us about partaking of the Lord's Supper (which I see to be the Passover) in an unworthy manner. 1 Cor. 11:16-34 speaks of how there are divisions in the church and when the people come together to partake of the Lord's Supper they bring judgment upon themselves. Because they come with an uncircumcised heart. They do not examine themselves before they partake of the blood and body of Messiah.

Now I've tried to paint a picture here for you. I realize that you may not agree with all the details of this picture--that's ok. The point I'm trying to drive home is that this is a time to lay aside our doctrinal differences and come together as one body. Circumcise your heart, cast out your leaven and come as unleavened souls--completely emptied of everything except for the power of Christ in you. "For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified" (1 Cor. 2:2).

Because on this night of watching only one thing matters:

The blood is on the doorpost

The family is in the house

Redemption is at our doorstep

Tonight we shall become free

Heretic Hunter

*looks up from sorting through a mess of papers* -- oh, hi there. Sorry, I'm a bit busy. Going through this list of heresies, trying to figure out which one I should debunk today. So...go away *looks back down*

*looks back up* Are you deaf? I told you to go away. This is important work. All these teachers have their pet doctrines and they're leading the people into heresy! Someone has to correct them. Hey, don't play smart with me. I know what you're thinking. "And what makes you think you're the one to do it?" I bet your one of those hippies who thinks we should just love everyone the same and who cares about what happens to the truth as long as you just love, love, love...well, I got news for you. I'm not buying it!!! *looks back down*

*sigh* Ok...I'm sorry. I was a little rude there. I apologize. To tell you the truth, I hate this job. There is no end to lies the enemy is spreading. People following the wrong calendars, believing the wrong things about Messiah, worshiping pagan idols without knowing it. They're all so content to rest withing their traditions of men. Don't any of them read their Bibles? I mean it's all there, black and white, clear as day. If they would just read their Bibles for themselves, I wouldn't have to put up with this. But no...they have to go on perpetuating the lies of the enemy because that's where they are comfortable. Sometimes I just want to....what? What's that you say? How do I know I am right? Because I read my Bible, that's how...unlike some...what? How do I know they don't read their Bibles? Because it's obvious from their fruit. If they read their Bibles and remained open to truth, they would have correct doctrine like me. But they don't. Therefore, they are hard-hearted and deceived. See? Simple logic really. Oh, don't give me that. Of course I don't think I'm the only one on earth who has it all right. How vain that would be. I just haven't found anyone else who is truly seeking yet. Wait a minute...don't go away. And don't call me hopeless. I'm just standing for truth. Speaking of which, I can think of a few things that you need to correct in your life. No, no, no...that's not what I am saying at all...don't follow me. Follow God. What do you mean you are? No, you're not...you've got bad doctrine. Yes, no...wait. What has agreeing with me got to do with this? I said follow God, not follow me. Right, but if you truly followed God you would see that I'm right. What are you talking about? Pride's got nothing to do with it. I'm just saying that I'm right because I seek God and you're wrong because you don't. What do you mean that you're right and I'm wrong--Hey! I think I would know if I'm truly seeking God or not. Yes, I would know if you're seeking God or not too because I seek God. It makes perfect sense! Don't call me deluded. You're the deluded one. *sticks tongue out* Who's the immature one now? Hey, wait a minute, don't go away! I haven't finished correcting you yet...

*lights dim*

Hello? Anyone? Surely, there is someone who is in need of my wisdom. Someone who appreciates my knowledge. Haha...how can they study on their own without my guidance to help them avoid false doctrine? Oh.

Beyond the Words

Remember playing on the merry-go-round at the park? We would always get a group of three or four of us together to spin it around. It's takes a bit to get up to speed, but once the momentum is going, it's hard to stop. At that point we would pull ourselves up onto the spinning circle of death and watch as the world became a blur. That about sums up my thoughts right now. Actually, that describes my thoughts much of the time.

I'm a project person. I'm a jump into the next exciting project before the last one is barely off the ground type of person. The projects quickly pile up and before I know it, I realize that I have overwhelmed myself again. At first I try to hold onto everything. Eventually, I realize I have to cut back. I reprioritize, try to figure out what is most important to me so that I can focus on just one or two (or three) projects. Patience is not one of my strengths--the process begins again and each time I find my priorities come out differently.

Which brings me to globalization / localization. Not sure how it connects, but I'm sure it does. I don't think we were designed to operate in a globalized context. Constantly connected to hundreds of people across the world, having all the knowledge of the world at your fingertips. It's overwhelming. It wouldn't be so bad except it tends to push out our local world. Instead of developing close friendships, we seek a platform to broadcast ourselves. There's only so much space in the world and we're filling it up with noise.

Silence is something we have forgotten. What if there were no words? No Facebook, no phones, no email, no blogs. What if the only way to communicate was through physical interaction? A helping hand. A shove. A fist. A hug. Shared silence. Just something to think about. Words have a place, but sometimes oftentimes we send them off full of nothing but hot air.

So, it seems a bit ironic that I would be blogging about all of this. This is one of my many projects, placed before the eyes of the world. Whether the words are empty or full or something in between is debatable. Even words that mean something can be as nothing when placed in the wrong context (as a cup of water is life to a thirsty man, but nothing when poured into the ocean of people).

Out of all my projects, this is the one that continues through everything. Why? Because there is no goal. There are no boundaries. I am simply free to be me. The Midrash Newsletter used to fulfill this role (it went on for eight years), but I've found the blog gives me more freedom. And if nobody reads it, that's ok. It's enough for the words to be. This is who I am.

I heard someone say once that "we humans are a universe to ourselves." When I look back at the things I have written on Chasing After The Ruach, I see that in just this small glimpse of myself. And then I realize just how little I know even my closest friends. I think figuring out who you are yourself gives you an appreciation for the sanctity and depth of life--and pushes me forward to come to know those lives outside of myself. To hear their stories, to see through their eyes, to identify with their struggles, to share their dreams. To know and be known--is this not what we all long for?

When you step back from the noise and see, really see, the beauty of a human soul, the creativity and handiwork of God in a human being--it is truly a humbling experience. And you realize that it's not about what they do or say or your attempts to change them. It is enough for them to be.

What We Were Created For

I stare out at the audience, an army of eyes eagerly waiting for my message. I look down at my notes, the words carefully chosen for impact. I lift my head to the camera waiting for the signal. Waiting to speak as no teacher has spoken before. Ready to change the world. And yet...something feels off.

The audience dissolves, the dream fades and I find myself staring at my computer screen. Five new emails. One catches my eye.

The first thing I notice is a picture that can best be described as the burning bush if it were at the birth of Narnia--flames of magical color shooting forth in harmony with the song of Aslan. At the same time the place seems both homely and forbidden. Like a sort of sacred ground. And I can't help but wonder if I were invited by mistake.

Then there were the words. Only three of them. "Less of me." There were many more words in this place, all of them beautifully inscribed. But it was those three that continued to echo around my mind.

Humility is one of those traits that seems to continually elude me. I know it in my head, but I also love to put on a show. The lights come on to reveal a scene beyond imagination. The music runs through my head continually, rising and dropping with the story's tension. Like a conductor, I raise my arms; like a director, I command this universe of my own. That's what I see.

In Judaism, humility is said to be filling the space you have been given--no more, no less. Everyone has been allotted space in this world; each person's space unique.

When I imagine teaching, something always feels off. When people compliment me for knowing my Bible, I get uncomfortable. Like I am occupying a space in which I do not belong. It's different with my stories. I don't know why or if will always be that way. Maybe because it seems like less of a responsibility than teaching. Maybe because it is more personal. I don't really know. But when I write a story, I feel like that is my place to be the director, to command the song.

I look back up at the stage. That is not my space. Not now.

I look back to the Narnian tree. In wisps of fire, I see a story untold. I see raw imagination ready to be crafted into words. And I can't help but wonder, is this where I belong?

Steady On

For those that don't know, I am (attempting) writing a novel. Right now, I'm in the first stages of revision--that long tedious process that (hopefully) takes a mess or words and turns them into something worth reading. It's slow going, but it's steady. I go through about 500-1000 words a day. Of course, this is only a first revision. Many novelists go through seven or eight drafts before they're ready.

As the work week draws to a close, I am looking forward to Shabbat. It's not a whole lot, but I am satisfied with what I accomplished this week. You know, the commandment says not only that you should rest on the seventh day, but to work the other six days. We are building a Kingdom after all.

I read through Nehemiah the other day (well, skimmed...there's a lot of names in that book). I think it's amazing how one ordinary guy had a dream to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem--and he did it. I see our work kinda like that. We are building up a community, a nation. Each of us has a different part to play. With Nehemiah, there were men building the different sections of the wall, guards to protect them from their enemies, priests to teach from the Torah. Together they worked, not just to build a wall, but to become a people again. To rediscover their identity and turn back to God so He could establish them in their own land.

Our roles vary from person to person and often they change through time as well. My question to you is What have you been doing to build the Kingdom this week? What work are you resting from this Sabbath? Leave a comment to share with the rest of us =)

Shabbat Shalom!

Still God's Grace (Piano)

I've finally got my digital piano connected to my computer so I can start recording some of my songs. I have here one of the earlier songs I wrote: Still God's Grace. It's a simple song about how no matter what tune our life follows, God's grace is always there in the background.

I put the words below. I can't sing myself, but I don't think figuring out how to put them together should be too hard--the words match the melody almost exactly. Hope you enjoy =)

Chorus:

Still God's Grace

Flows from His throne

Forgiveness to

the one's He loves

Just trust in Him

He will lead you home

It's a walk of faith

Just keep moving on

Verse 1:

Sitting at home

Walking along

Wherever I go

Singing my song

Working the field

Doing my chores

Day after day

Serving my Lord

Chorus

Verse 2:

Sitting with friends

Talking about

God's amazing

love for us

Hear the rain

See the grass grow

How much more does

God care for us

Chorus

Verse 3:

Temptation

Misdirection

Mistakes made

Idols raised

Why can't we

Get it straight

Follow with

All our heart

Hearts broken

Churches split

Families

Torn apart

Where are you

When we fall

Rescues us

Father, father

Chorus x2

How I Dream of Shabbat

Friday preparations--clean the house, balance the budget, prepare a meal large enough to last into sunday, set the table, prepare our hearts.

Light the candles to set apart the Shabbat. Open with kiddush and family blessings. Maybe have a guest for dinner. Leave the computers and cell phones off. Spend the evening as a family, eating together, playing together, studying together, talking together, worshiping together. Stare at the stars as they come out. This is our date with God. Music and dancing are encouraged.

Saturday morning sleep in a little (but not too much). Gather with other believers for food and fellowship. Pray. Listen to a short teaching. Midrash. Dance. Worship. Play games. Get lost in the Shabbat until night falls and the stars come out. Mark the end with Havdalah--the flame, the wine, and the spices.

Take the holiness of the Shabbat with us into the new week.