Think about this. Suppose you thought you were somebody else--that you didn't get your identity right. What would be the result? You would probably be quite unhappy. Maybe you would learn to cover that up and create the illusion of happiness. But deep down there will always be something that feels suppressed. Why is that? Because deep down you know who you really are. You just were not willing to accept it.
I'm speaking from my experience (which is quite limited), so maybe what's true for me isn't true for you. But maybe some of you can relate. Culture has many demands it puts on us. It tells us what is acceptable and what is not. If your identity doesn't happen to conform to our cultural expectations--you're fighting an uphill battle. We might be tempted to dismiss who we really are as an impossibility and continue looking elsewhere.
Things of lesser importance like money or social standing can often blind us from who we really are. Yes, we are commanded to provide for ourselves and our families and yes we are supposed to remain at peace with everyone in so far as possible. But commandments can often become distorted. If you want a real look at who you are, you have to start taking off the filters.
Suppose God came and spoke to you tonight. Your Father in heaven is checking in on you to see how you are doing. Are your needs being met? Do you have plenty of food? Clothing? Are you lacking in anything? God cares for us and He has promised to take care of our needs.
Then He asks, What are you doing for me? Not for yourself, not for money, not for your reputation. For your Father. He is your provider--How are you serving Him?
Let's back this up a bit. What is on your heart? Is it the children in Africa? Is it the lack of faith among the believers? Is it the thousands dying of cancer?
Is your heart planted firmly in the land taking care of our Father's garden? Is it soaring among the clouds watching with awe our King's power? Where is your heart?
There is no formula, no 12-step process to finding who you are. It's simply a matter of seeing what matters to you. What gives you the most joy? What brings on righteous anger? The things closest to your heart are the things that affect you the most. But there are two things that you have to keep in mind.
1: It takes faith. Joseph knew he was to be a prince among his brothers. The world said otherwise. He had to trust God. Abraham knew he was to be a father of many nations. His body said otherwise. He had to trust God. Gideon knew he was to give Israel victory over the Midianites. God told him to cut down his army. He had to trust God. God works through our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). It's a pretty scary thought if you think about it.
2: We are all growing. It is not for us to find out who we are outside of time. It is for us to be who we are right now. There are things God has planned for you that He may not be ready to show you. You have to trust that He will lead you in the right path--even if you're not so sure where you are headed. Do what God has for you today, and led Him take care of the rest.
The things that are nearest my heart are the things that have always been nearest my heart. But that vision is full of uncertainties and undefined pieces. It's a developing vision, still far from mature. Because of that I have looked for other visions or tried to fill in the gaps with my own pieces. I still do that. But I am learning, slowly learning, to keep my eyes on the vision God has given me and to wait as He grows it in me. You can't microwave a God recipe. But then again, why would we really want to?
'I am not going to tell you my name, not yet at any rate.' A queer half-knowing, half-humorous look came with a green flicker into his eyes. 'For one thing it would take a long while: my name is growing all the time, and I've lived a very long, long time; so my name is like a story. Real names tell you the story of things they belong to in my language, in the Old Entish as you might say. It is a lovely language, but it takes a very long time saying anything in it, because we do not say anything in it, unless it is worth taking a long time to say, and to listen to.'
--Treebeard (Taken from Tolkien's Lord of the Rings)
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