"There is fear in His mercy." I wrote these words nearly a year ago. They still ring true for me today. When I think about the awesome mercy that God has on me, His grace toward me--the only response is to stand in awe.
Shortly after that, God began to teach me about joy. He brought Nehemiah 8:10 to my attention and said "Learn my joy for there you will find strength." I wrote about it here.
I really don't know what else to add to that. I've been talking about a lot of abstract stuff--of running into the darkness and chasing after fireflies and experiencing God's grace. I want to leave you with something concrete and I can't think of anything better than this post I wrote a year ago. Sukkot 2011 was absolutely full of "fireflies."
I think God's joy is found everywhere in the little things. But we have to be open to receive it. So, as we move out of Yom Kippur and into Sukkot, keep you eyes open. Do not fear the darkness. His light and His joy is there. Just keep your eyes open.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. -- Hebrews 12:1-2
I hope you found some encouragement from my recent rants. I kinda went a little crazy with the posts because I feel like for the first time God has given me words to express ideas that have been rattling around in my head for about a year now--ideas about the Kingdom and exile and what it means to chase after God.
You might be wondering, "Does he really believe all that?" And my answer would have to be yes and no. I believe it in my head, but putting it into action is a different story. I like my comfort zone. I am a work in progress. But you know what? God can even work through our doubt.
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!"
-- Mark 9:24
Really, I think God is chasing us, trying to win our hearts to Him. Our seeking after Him is a response to His love. He starts the work and you can be sure that what He starts He will be faithful to complete. So, if you struggle with doubt like me, take courage--our God is faithful and compassionate.
So often I get caught up in trying to be a good Christian/Messianic/Jew (or whatever), trying to do the "right thing to do." I get this idea that radicalism somehow impresses God. That's not relationship. That's religion. And it will always fail.
Give up the idea of being a good person. That way of doing things revolves around self, around your goodness. It's like I said in the beginning, you can't love if you are focused on your ability to love people.
I heard a Torah teacher give the example of a man who thought he was a good husband. His wife was miserable, but he was content because he said all the right words and did all the right things to be a "good husband." Do we do that with God?
Are we so focused on being a "good bride" that we miss the relationship? Do we become satisfied with our ability to do all the right things that we don't hunger for God? Or do we become so obsessed with our own inability to be the perfect bride that we are blinded to God's love for us?
Some will read this and immediately set to work on trying to figure out the formula for a "good relationship." Stop. Don't rush off so fast into another set of rules or formulae, trying to do things the "right" way. Instead just stop for a moment and realize this: God is your Creator, your Father, your Husband. He wants to get to know you--the real you. Not the show that you put on for Him. He wants to know your desires, your dreams, your fears, your insecurities. And He wants to share His heart with you.
He knows your doubts. He knows your struggles. Not just intellectually--He has experienced them Himself. In the wilderness, Scripture says He was tempted by Satan. God understands our temptations. At the tomb of Lazarus, it says He weeped. He understands our sorrows. In the garden of Gethsemane, our Messiah cried out "Father, take this cup from me!" He understands our struggles. And so, it is not as if we must reach up to heaven to find this God so far above anything we could imagine. He walks with us, by our side, day by day.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
-- Hebrews 4:15-16
If you're struggling with loving God, stop for a moment and remember His love for you. A love you don't have to earn. Be honest with God about your struggle. Don't "pray", just talk to Him. He will listen.
Remember the days of catching fireflies? How we would run out into the darkness just to capture a spark of light.
In my last post, I talked about how we find God in the little things of life. But most of the time we overlook these sparks of eternity. We're content to stay indoors with our artificial light (whatever brings us comfort, whether it's our money, our strength, or our religion). He said we would find Him if we seek Him, but only if we seek Him with everything we have.
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. -- Matthew 13:44
Imagine, a world full of zillions of fireflies. But they only light up when goodness is present--when you shine your light. When you speak an encouraging word. When you extend a helping hand. When you draw in coloring books with your little brother. When you stand in awe of God's creation. And God says, "Run into the darkness. Light up the world." This is the Kingdom.
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"Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.' If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in. "If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath, from doing your pleasure on my holy day, and call the Sabbath a delight and the holy day of the LORD honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly; then you shall take delight in the LORD, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken."
-- Isaiah 58:6-14
How do we come to know the God of Light in this world filled with darkness? Earlier I likened our condition to that of a child whose father is away on a long journey. How does one get to know someone so distant?
Some time ago I was reading an essay by a girl who was trying to learn more about her grandmother. A letter her grandmother wrote, a picture of their wedding day, stories from her mother--all windows into the life of her grandmother. Together they painted an imperfect picture of who this woman was.
The kabbalists have this idea that the Jewish people were scattered to collect "sparks" (by performing commandments) that God had scattered throughout the world. I don't think they are far from the truth. There are moments in time and space everywhere that like windows into eternity, providing a glimpse of who God is. We see His glory in the colors of the sunset. We hear His laughter in the voice of a child. We feel His love in reaching out to a stranger. These are the sparks of eternity.
You see, the truth is that God is everywhere. He is not distant, He is very near--hidden amongst the little things of life. And it's our job to seek Him out.
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
-- Jeremiah 29:13-14
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
-- Psalms 23:4
What are you afraid of? Be honest. Some of the things I'm afraid of:
What others might think of me
Falling--of failing God and friends
Messing up God's plan for my life
Stepping out of my comfort zone
That things won't get better
An unknown future
Really, I'm afraid of the dark. Not literal darkness (though that can sometimes be pretty scary too), but the darkness that clouds our everyday lives. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I don't know what other people will think of me. I don't always know what is right. There's a darkness over this world hiding the way things should be and we're afraid of it. We call this darkness "reality".
Sure, all this spiritual talk about light and darkness and faith and how everything belongs to God sounds really nice, but you have to face the facts. We live in reality, not fairytale land. There's bills to pay, mouths to feed, people to impress. All this stuff we have to worry and stress about because that's the way things are. That's reality.
"The uninhibited dream, which is in revolt against reality and its limitations, is the most substantive truth of existence." -- Jewish tradition
We live our lives trying as best we can to avoid death and pain and suffering. It makes us uncomfortable. It reminds us that we are mortal, that our lives are fragile--that we have no control. We've created this illusion that somehow by worrying about this and that we can guarantee ourselves another day of our comfortable lives.
What if you knew God as well as you know your earthly father or best friend? Take a moment to really think about this---the God of the universe speaking with you face to face. How would life be different? I think maybe the problem is we don't really know God.
that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. -- Philippians 3:10-11
What is our reaction to this incredible world our God has created? It should be to ask, "Who is the one who created all this?" I mean we know who He is in name. But who is He really? The Psalm I quoted at the end of the last post continues:
The instruction of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.
-- Psalms 19:7-10
According to Jewish commentators, "after recounting the wonders of creation, the Psalmist says that all of this is merely an example of the greatness of Torah--the blueprint that enables man to understand God's will and fulfill it." Torah tells us who God is. All of creation speaks of its Creator, each a unique strand His grand story. But when we move from admiring creation for its own sake to seeking to know the one who created it--that is when we begin to understand what it means to love God.
I don't mean intellectually know. We're quite good at that, reducing everything about creation and God to a bunch of equations and doctrines. I mean to know Him as a person. That can be hard to grasp considering that we cannot see or hear God (especially for very "logical" minded people like me). It's kinda like trying to get to know someone who is away on a long trip--a very long trip. In a way, that's how it is. We're in exile or as the kabbalists put it, God is in exile. His presence is withdrawn from us.
But I'm getting ahead of myself now. It all starts with the Awe of God. From there it grows into a burning desire to know Him more.
One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. -- Psalms 27:4
Have you ever wondered why God created the universe so big? Or made cells and molecules with such intricacy? Why flowers bloom where no one lives and every sunset is unique? And yet, we find ourselves doing the same mundane things in the same place day after day after day, oblivious to the wonder around us.
And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth."
-- Genesis 1:28
Fill the earth and subdue it! God called Adam and Eve on the adventure of a lifetime. He created a world full of beauty and wonder beyond imagination and said "It's yours." We should be like little kids running out to explore the vastness of the universe, never ceasing to be amazed (Did not Yeshua say we must enter the Kingdom like children?).
I'm a Doctor Who fan. If you haven't seen the show, it's basically about a time traveler who takes people on adventures through time and space. One of the reasons I love the show so much is because it reminds me of the adventure God has invited us on. Stretching out His hand, He says to His bride, "Come with me and I'll show you my glory." This is the Divine Romance He has called us to.
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat.
-- Psalms 19:1-6
