"We act like we have to get it all figured out before we can make a difference; like we have to have achieved "perfect" observance before we can fulfill our life mission. We feel like we are given a short period of learning/training before life really begins, and if we don't get our lives straight soon, we will be wasting time. "
There's soooo much I don't know...things that seem like they should be basic and foundational. Things like our identity in relation to Israel, or to what extant we're supposed to keep the commandments, or how to keep Sabbath. Oral Torah, Karaitism, Noachide, Covenantalism, Dispensationalism, Two House, One House, One Law, Traditional, non-traditional, and dozen other labels and non-labels. I would love so much to know where I stand so that I can teach my family and teach others, but the truth is so often I don't know.
Sometimes I think I know. But there's always a hole, always a contradiction, always a difficulty. I've changed my mind many times in the last several years. I want to go into ministry--that's where my heart is at--but sometimes I'm afraid that what I teach today won't be what I believe tomorrow. Words have power and I'm responsible for what I put forward.
Sometimes I have to fall back to the few things I know:
Adonai is the Creator of the universe.
He is my Father and my King.
He created man in His own image, inscribing His signature on every human soul.
He has promised us the Hope of a future Sabbath rest--of freedom, restoration, healing, and redemption. A place to call home.
Sometimes I just have to admit I don't know.
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Walking On Water
Sometimes the plans we make don't always pan out like we hoped. Like this holiness series I started on my blog for the omer count. For the first two weeks I felt like what I was writing and what I was learning went hand in hand. After that, my posts felt more and more forced. God is continuing to teach me and grow me, but instead accepting that, I try to continue with my own pre-planned agenda.
Today is the 36th day of the omer. Over the last 35 days, I've drafted up two or three blog posts that I never published (and probably won't publish). One's called "My boat" in reference to Peter walking on water with Yeshua. The other is called "Poor in Spirit", the first of the beatitudes. The third one I already deleted some time ago. I bring this up because these drafts were the kind that are written as an outlet for myself rather than a show for everyone else. Both of them center on my lack of faith.
I don't think it's God's power that I have trouble believing. I mean, He created the universe--is it such a far leap to say He can do whatever He wills with it? Nor is it His wisdom. How can an omniscient God not be wise beyond our understanding? I think the part that is hardest to believe is His love.
Why would an omniscient, omnipotent, ever-present God, the King of the universe, whose voice most of the time I cannot hear--why would He care to attend to the details of my life? When I approach Him in prayer, I always hasten to say at the end of each request "not my will, but yours" and then wonder, why am I making the request in the first place if His will is just going to override mine?
A few things God put in my hands these last few weeks: A book about George Muller. He ran an orphanage in Bristol. He started for one primary purpose--to prove that it could be done by solely relying on God. The way he prayed and the way God answered his prayers are just amazing. Everything George prayed for he jotted down in a journal, and then when God answered he jotted that down next to the request. What's most amazing about his story is that he started out in his youth as a crook who thought prayer to be childish. God transformed this man into an amazing example of faith and prayer.
A verse from the book of Matthew: "And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water'" (Matt. 14:28). Command me to leave the safety of my boat to walk on the unsteady waves? Did Peter seriously just ask God to pull out his safety net, his security blanket from under him? The culture today says "God expects you to take care of yourself." That if we do not build our boats securely, we will sink beneath the crashing waves. That those who say they will walk on the water are either too lazy or too naive to build a sturdy boat. But to intentionally ask God to teach me to fully rely on Him--well, that's a dangerous prayer.
Truth be told, I don't know how to walk on water and I don't know George Muller's "formula" for successful prayer. Most of the time, I don't even know how to listen for God's voice. So, I fall back on what God taught me several years ago: "Even if you fall, I will catch you." Because of that, one thing that I can believe God for is that He will not desert me and leave me to my own devices. That He will not give up on me. And through His infinite wisdom, He will find a way to get through my thick skull and soften my hard heart and get me to a place where I can grow (after all, He knows me inside and out).
Maybe if I stop trying to force my own self-growth plan and let the Father do His work in me. Maybe if I stop trying to figure it all out for myself and just trust Him to guide me. It's like that first year of piano lessons, when you want so badly to play something epically awesome, but instead you feel stuck playing scales and learning the basics. And you just "know" that if your teacher let you jump ahead to the hard stuff that you could do it. And maybe you could learn to play one or two songs like that--but the learning would not be the same. In my efforts to live righteously, it's the same thing. I feel like there's no time to be playing around with the small stuff--that I've got to learn it all at once. But that's not how growing works. Most of the time growth is so slow you hardly even notice it is happening. And this can result in the feeling of going nowhere. That's when you have to trust that God is doing His work in you. Imperceptible sometimes, but very real.
So, I won't despair over comparing myself to Muller or other believers, but thank God for such people and the encouragement I can find in their stories. And I may not know the first thing about walking on water (I'm not sure Peter did either), but I will pray that God will call me out onto the waves so that I may learn to fully trust Him. And when I fall, as Peter did, I know His arms will be there to catch me.
Today is the 36th day of the omer. Over the last 35 days, I've drafted up two or three blog posts that I never published (and probably won't publish). One's called "My boat" in reference to Peter walking on water with Yeshua. The other is called "Poor in Spirit", the first of the beatitudes. The third one I already deleted some time ago. I bring this up because these drafts were the kind that are written as an outlet for myself rather than a show for everyone else. Both of them center on my lack of faith.
I don't think it's God's power that I have trouble believing. I mean, He created the universe--is it such a far leap to say He can do whatever He wills with it? Nor is it His wisdom. How can an omniscient God not be wise beyond our understanding? I think the part that is hardest to believe is His love.
Why would an omniscient, omnipotent, ever-present God, the King of the universe, whose voice most of the time I cannot hear--why would He care to attend to the details of my life? When I approach Him in prayer, I always hasten to say at the end of each request "not my will, but yours" and then wonder, why am I making the request in the first place if His will is just going to override mine?
A few things God put in my hands these last few weeks: A book about George Muller. He ran an orphanage in Bristol. He started for one primary purpose--to prove that it could be done by solely relying on God. The way he prayed and the way God answered his prayers are just amazing. Everything George prayed for he jotted down in a journal, and then when God answered he jotted that down next to the request. What's most amazing about his story is that he started out in his youth as a crook who thought prayer to be childish. God transformed this man into an amazing example of faith and prayer.
A verse from the book of Matthew: "And Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water'" (Matt. 14:28). Command me to leave the safety of my boat to walk on the unsteady waves? Did Peter seriously just ask God to pull out his safety net, his security blanket from under him? The culture today says "God expects you to take care of yourself." That if we do not build our boats securely, we will sink beneath the crashing waves. That those who say they will walk on the water are either too lazy or too naive to build a sturdy boat. But to intentionally ask God to teach me to fully rely on Him--well, that's a dangerous prayer.
Truth be told, I don't know how to walk on water and I don't know George Muller's "formula" for successful prayer. Most of the time, I don't even know how to listen for God's voice. So, I fall back on what God taught me several years ago: "Even if you fall, I will catch you." Because of that, one thing that I can believe God for is that He will not desert me and leave me to my own devices. That He will not give up on me. And through His infinite wisdom, He will find a way to get through my thick skull and soften my hard heart and get me to a place where I can grow (after all, He knows me inside and out).
Maybe if I stop trying to force my own self-growth plan and let the Father do His work in me. Maybe if I stop trying to figure it all out for myself and just trust Him to guide me. It's like that first year of piano lessons, when you want so badly to play something epically awesome, but instead you feel stuck playing scales and learning the basics. And you just "know" that if your teacher let you jump ahead to the hard stuff that you could do it. And maybe you could learn to play one or two songs like that--but the learning would not be the same. In my efforts to live righteously, it's the same thing. I feel like there's no time to be playing around with the small stuff--that I've got to learn it all at once. But that's not how growing works. Most of the time growth is so slow you hardly even notice it is happening. And this can result in the feeling of going nowhere. That's when you have to trust that God is doing His work in you. Imperceptible sometimes, but very real.
So, I won't despair over comparing myself to Muller or other believers, but thank God for such people and the encouragement I can find in their stories. And I may not know the first thing about walking on water (I'm not sure Peter did either), but I will pray that God will call me out onto the waves so that I may learn to fully trust Him. And when I fall, as Peter did, I know His arms will be there to catch me.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Our Journeys
Throughout all their journeys, whenever the cloud was taken up from over the tabernacle, the people of Israel would set out. But if the cloud was not taken up, then they did not set out till the day that it was taken up.
(Exodus 40:36-37 ESV)
I don't like change. At least not when I don't have control. I like to hold onto the past.
I lived in the same city for almost 16 years (the same house for 11 years). Then we moved...to a different state. It was exciting, especially as we saw God's plan unfold. But there were things I was leaving behind that I didn't want to let go of. Good things. Like the little Baptist church we attended. The pastor there taught me Hebrew one on one--at no cost. He freely gave his time to teach me. I still miss him from time to time. He has since moved on to a different church.
Our first year in Texas was amazing. We were adopted into the congregation--really, family. We didn't just meet on Sabbath. We got together to play cards, do work, etc. throughout the week. Then I was uprooted from there and taken to college...in a different state. I still miss those times.
I don't like change. I don't like being uprooted after finally getting settled in. I don't like leaving friends and family behind. Going out into the unknown, where I know no one...leaving my comfort zone behind. It's scary. Sometimes I wish I could just stay put and that everything would stay the same. Life is good now, why change it?
But sometimes the cloud moves...and we must follow. It takes us into uncharted territory. Transitioning is often hard. But our Father is in control. Ahead lie greater things...eventually the promised land. This is not our home. When we get settled into a place, it's hard to accept that. But it's a fact--this is not our home. It is simply a stop along the way to where God is taking us. Some steps are hard. Often times we want to look back. Often times we wish we could go back to where the trail was easier. Yet, if I truly consider what it would mean to go back I realize I would have missed out on a lot. It was when I started college that I met one of my best friends--who then proceeded to introduce me to several more now close friends. If I rewound the tape, I would have missed out on all those friends. When we moved to Texas, I found what it was like to have a congregational family. If we never moved out there, I would have missed that.
Change is hard. But sometimes its necessary. And God often has something great waiting on the other side. I still don't like giving up what I have to follow Him. But it helps a little to know that my Father in heaven is watching out for me--and He has a plan. Wherever He leads, I must follow.
(originally posted on facebook on July 30, 2011)
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Survival
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but
the greatest of these is love.
-- 1 Corinthians 13:13
Faith, hope, and love--these are the three most important ingredients to survival, to life.
Faith--Trust. A
sense of truth. A foundation. Without some kind of trust, some kind of truth,
we are tossed about like a ship in a storm, alone with no one to anchor us
down. Faith is our anchor. It keeps us steady and provides a foundation, a lens
through which to view everything else. Where is your trust? What do you know to
be true?
Hope--A reason to go
on. A hopeless man has no chance at survival because he has no reason to
survive. Sure, he may go on from day to dragging day, but without hope the
spirit quickly dies. Without a promise of something better--of rest and peace
and joy and the restoration of all things, what is there? Life becomes the vain
emptiness that the writer of Ecclesiastes talks about. Hope is that light at
the end of the tunnel, the rainbow at the end of a rain storm. It is the
promise of something better. What is your hope?
Love--Kindness.
Compassion. Love is at the very heart of our life. It is what binds us together
as one in this present moment. It is what gives life to the little things.
Without it we turn selfishly inward and cut ourselves off from everyone else.
Outside that flow of love, we stagnate and die. We need both to love and to be
loved for life to flow through us. Who do you love? Who loves you?
Faith is our past,
Hope is our future, and Love is our present. Without these three things, no man
can truly live. With them, one can conquer almost anything.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Just One Step
The desert before
you stretches for miles.
You already feel
like you are drowning in sand.
Exhausted,
suffocating, you struggle for air.
Panic sets in as you
sink into the depths below.
"Help!"
you cry. "Save me!"
A hand reaches out
and takes yours.
A grip so firm, yet
so gentle.
"My child, you
drown in fear--it's your own imagination.
Don't worry about
getting across.
Just take one
step."
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Birth of an Atheist
A chariot is prepared for light to make its course
A path is lined out across space
Darkness breaks as the first rays of dawn call forth
A thousand voices answer in praise
Numberless stars answer to our King
They speak of glory all through the night
But one has been given the duty to bring
Light to our world and reveal what is right
An alarm clock rings, the snooze button pressed
Late for work again today
Put on some shades and buy a coffee express
Crank up the music, drown out the blue jay
With dirt covered hands, a seed is sown
It's joy in death brings life
Day after day it strives all alone
With patience it grows to new heights
Every branch becomes a place to rest
Every fruit pleasant to eat
Every flower clothed in only the best
Existing only to express His beauty
A homemade sandwich with factory made meat
He scarfs it down forgetting to bless
With so much work to do he's feeling the heat
Can't stop to think lest he see his regress
The clouds roll through, darkness covers the streets
Fire strikes down from heaven
Healing rain comes down like a sheet
Giving grace to all men and women
God rolls out His justice, bringing kings to their knees
But on the humble He has compassion
He blots out a record that was our disease
Closes the gap that was a great chasm
He gets down on his knees cause he feels guilty
Prays the sinners pray to make things right
Gets on with life without so much as a blink
As if God owed him this life
A path is lined out across space
Darkness breaks as the first rays of dawn call forth
A thousand voices answer in praise
Numberless stars answer to our King
They speak of glory all through the night
But one has been given the duty to bring
Light to our world and reveal what is right
An alarm clock rings, the snooze button pressed
Late for work again today
Put on some shades and buy a coffee express
Crank up the music, drown out the blue jay
With dirt covered hands, a seed is sown
It's joy in death brings life
Day after day it strives all alone
With patience it grows to new heights
Every branch becomes a place to rest
Every fruit pleasant to eat
Every flower clothed in only the best
Existing only to express His beauty
A homemade sandwich with factory made meat
He scarfs it down forgetting to bless
With so much work to do he's feeling the heat
Can't stop to think lest he see his regress
The clouds roll through, darkness covers the streets
Fire strikes down from heaven
Healing rain comes down like a sheet
Giving grace to all men and women
God rolls out His justice, bringing kings to their knees
But on the humble He has compassion
He blots out a record that was our disease
Closes the gap that was a great chasm
He gets down on his knees cause he feels guilty
Prays the sinners pray to make things right
Gets on with life without so much as a blink
As if God owed him this life
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Surrender
My grip tightens. My resolve strengthens. And slowly everything I care about slips away.
Let go.
My hands slowly relax. I look to Him who gives me peace. My life falls away. I lose focus--I reach out to catch all the things I let go of. Frantically, I try to grasp at my fleeting ambitions.
Hand it all to me.
My eyes lock with His. My trust is in Him. Slowly I begin to hand pieces of my life to Him. He takes them. He molds them. I cry out "No! That's not what I wanted!" I reach out to grab my life back. And as I pull, they tear. My hopes. My dreams. Torn. My fears. My frustrations. My bitterness. My life--broken. And He says to me,
Will you trust me? My ways are higher than your ways. My plans are greater than your plans. I can take your life, your love, your hatred, your ambition, your fear--I can take all the broken pieces and turn them into something greater. But you have to give it all to me.
Broken, I hand Him what is left of my life. As He begins to work, I begin to see Him work wonders in my life. And as I see my life restored, I feel empowered to take it back. But He gently reminds me that I am His. Reluctantly, I surrender. My hopes and my fears. My friends and my family. My hands and my heart. I place it all into His hands.
Father, sometimes surrender feels like the hardest thing in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm caught in the middle. Father, help me to trust you.
Let go.
My hands slowly relax. I look to Him who gives me peace. My life falls away. I lose focus--I reach out to catch all the things I let go of. Frantically, I try to grasp at my fleeting ambitions.
Hand it all to me.
My eyes lock with His. My trust is in Him. Slowly I begin to hand pieces of my life to Him. He takes them. He molds them. I cry out "No! That's not what I wanted!" I reach out to grab my life back. And as I pull, they tear. My hopes. My dreams. Torn. My fears. My frustrations. My bitterness. My life--broken. And He says to me,
Will you trust me? My ways are higher than your ways. My plans are greater than your plans. I can take your life, your love, your hatred, your ambition, your fear--I can take all the broken pieces and turn them into something greater. But you have to give it all to me.
Broken, I hand Him what is left of my life. As He begins to work, I begin to see Him work wonders in my life. And as I see my life restored, I feel empowered to take it back. But He gently reminds me that I am His. Reluctantly, I surrender. My hopes and my fears. My friends and my family. My hands and my heart. I place it all into His hands.
Father, sometimes surrender feels like the hardest thing in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm caught in the middle. Father, help me to trust you.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Stepping Out Of The Boat
If you have not seen the movie Soul Surfer, you should. It is an amazing, true story about faith and courage. It's stories like this that help me see life in a different light.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
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