Heretic Hunter

*looks up from sorting through a mess of papers* -- oh, hi there. Sorry, I'm a bit busy. Going through this list of heresies, trying to figure out which one I should debunk today. So...go away *looks back down*

*looks back up* Are you deaf? I told you to go away. This is important work. All these teachers have their pet doctrines and they're leading the people into heresy! Someone has to correct them. Hey, don't play smart with me. I know what you're thinking. "And what makes you think you're the one to do it?" I bet your one of those hippies who thinks we should just love everyone the same and who cares about what happens to the truth as long as you just love, love, love...well, I got news for you. I'm not buying it!!! *looks back down*

*sigh* Ok...I'm sorry. I was a little rude there. I apologize. To tell you the truth, I hate this job. There is no end to lies the enemy is spreading. People following the wrong calendars, believing the wrong things about Messiah, worshiping pagan idols without knowing it. They're all so content to rest withing their traditions of men. Don't any of them read their Bibles? I mean it's all there, black and white, clear as day. If they would just read their Bibles for themselves, I wouldn't have to put up with this. But no...they have to go on perpetuating the lies of the enemy because that's where they are comfortable. Sometimes I just want to....what? What's that you say? How do I know I am right? Because I read my Bible, that's how...unlike some...what? How do I know they don't read their Bibles? Because it's obvious from their fruit. If they read their Bibles and remained open to truth, they would have correct doctrine like me. But they don't. Therefore, they are hard-hearted and deceived. See? Simple logic really. Oh, don't give me that. Of course I don't think I'm the only one on earth who has it all right. How vain that would be. I just haven't found anyone else who is truly seeking yet. Wait a minute...don't go away. And don't call me hopeless. I'm just standing for truth. Speaking of which, I can think of a few things that you need to correct in your life. No, no, no...that's not what I am saying at all...don't follow me. Follow God. What do you mean you are? No, you're not...you've got bad doctrine. Yes, no...wait. What has agreeing with me got to do with this? I said follow God, not follow me. Right, but if you truly followed God you would see that I'm right. What are you talking about? Pride's got nothing to do with it. I'm just saying that I'm right because I seek God and you're wrong because you don't. What do you mean that you're right and I'm wrong--Hey! I think I would know if I'm truly seeking God or not. Yes, I would know if you're seeking God or not too because I seek God. It makes perfect sense! Don't call me deluded. You're the deluded one. *sticks tongue out* Who's the immature one now? Hey, wait a minute, don't go away! I haven't finished correcting you yet...

*lights dim*

Hello? Anyone? Surely, there is someone who is in need of my wisdom. Someone who appreciates my knowledge. Haha...how can they study on their own without my guidance to help them avoid false doctrine? Oh.