Over the last couple of years, with the help of God and friends, I've been able to overcome a little bit of my shyness. There's one area, though, that hasn't been touched. Money.
I've heard lots about saving money, spending wisely, giving to charity, paying tithes and offerings--but I've never really heard anyone talk about the social awkwardness of money. Maybe it's just me, but I get uncomfortable around checks and dollar bills. Whether it's in giving or receiving or buying or selling, I tend to lock up. I don't know why. I just do.
I was in Mexico several years ago and a friend had to remind me haggle down the price. Negotiating money is a totally foreign concept to me. At least at the supermarket, everything is fixed. Just follow the system and you're fine. But outside of that strict business structure, whether bartering in Mexico or dealing with friends and family, the rules are not quite so straightforward.
In particular, I'm talking about giving and receiving charity. There are only two people in the world that I can accept money from or offer money to without getting butterflies in my stomach. My parents. Accepting money from them is easy, because, well, they've been supporting me all my life (thank you Mom and Dad). And as for returning the favor, I know that they would not hesitate to tell me if they were in need, even in a minor way. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay them for all they have done for me.
Outside of these two people, it is quite a different story. I don't have any problem with giving. But offering unsolicited--that's hard. I could say that people should just tell me when they need help. But the fact is that asking that is often harder than offering.
I don't know why money has to be such a big issue for me. I wish that it could pass as easily between us as prayer. Isn't that what James talked about--faith without works? After all, we're all in this together.
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