What We Were Created For

I stare out at the audience, an army of eyes eagerly waiting for my message. I look down at my notes, the words carefully chosen for impact. I lift my head to the camera waiting for the signal. Waiting to speak as no teacher has spoken before. Ready to change the world. And yet...something feels off.

The audience dissolves, the dream fades and I find myself staring at my computer screen. Five new emails. One catches my eye.

The first thing I notice is a picture that can best be described as the burning bush if it were at the birth of Narnia--flames of magical color shooting forth in harmony with the song of Aslan. At the same time the place seems both homely and forbidden. Like a sort of sacred ground. And I can't help but wonder if I were invited by mistake.

Then there were the words. Only three of them. "Less of me." There were many more words in this place, all of them beautifully inscribed. But it was those three that continued to echo around my mind.

Humility is one of those traits that seems to continually elude me. I know it in my head, but I also love to put on a show. The lights come on to reveal a scene beyond imagination. The music runs through my head continually, rising and dropping with the story's tension. Like a conductor, I raise my arms; like a director, I command this universe of my own. That's what I see.

In Judaism, humility is said to be filling the space you have been given--no more, no less. Everyone has been allotted space in this world; each person's space unique.

When I imagine teaching, something always feels off. When people compliment me for knowing my Bible, I get uncomfortable. Like I am occupying a space in which I do not belong. It's different with my stories. I don't know why or if will always be that way. Maybe because it seems like less of a responsibility than teaching. Maybe because it is more personal. I don't really know. But when I write a story, I feel like that is my place to be the director, to command the song.

I look back up at the stage. That is not my space. Not now.

I look back to the Narnian tree. In wisps of fire, I see a story untold. I see raw imagination ready to be crafted into words. And I can't help but wonder, is this where I belong?

Steady On

For those that don't know, I am (attempting) writing a novel. Right now, I'm in the first stages of revision--that long tedious process that (hopefully) takes a mess or words and turns them into something worth reading. It's slow going, but it's steady. I go through about 500-1000 words a day. Of course, this is only a first revision. Many novelists go through seven or eight drafts before they're ready.

As the work week draws to a close, I am looking forward to Shabbat. It's not a whole lot, but I am satisfied with what I accomplished this week. You know, the commandment says not only that you should rest on the seventh day, but to work the other six days. We are building a Kingdom after all.

I read through Nehemiah the other day (well, skimmed...there's a lot of names in that book). I think it's amazing how one ordinary guy had a dream to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem--and he did it. I see our work kinda like that. We are building up a community, a nation. Each of us has a different part to play. With Nehemiah, there were men building the different sections of the wall, guards to protect them from their enemies, priests to teach from the Torah. Together they worked, not just to build a wall, but to become a people again. To rediscover their identity and turn back to God so He could establish them in their own land.

Our roles vary from person to person and often they change through time as well. My question to you is What have you been doing to build the Kingdom this week? What work are you resting from this Sabbath? Leave a comment to share with the rest of us =)

Shabbat Shalom!

Still God's Grace (Piano)

I've finally got my digital piano connected to my computer so I can start recording some of my songs. I have here one of the earlier songs I wrote: Still God's Grace. It's a simple song about how no matter what tune our life follows, God's grace is always there in the background.

I put the words below. I can't sing myself, but I don't think figuring out how to put them together should be too hard--the words match the melody almost exactly. Hope you enjoy =)

Chorus:

Still God's Grace

Flows from His throne

Forgiveness to

the one's He loves

Just trust in Him

He will lead you home

It's a walk of faith

Just keep moving on

Verse 1:

Sitting at home

Walking along

Wherever I go

Singing my song

Working the field

Doing my chores

Day after day

Serving my Lord

Chorus

Verse 2:

Sitting with friends

Talking about

God's amazing

love for us

Hear the rain

See the grass grow

How much more does

God care for us

Chorus

Verse 3:

Temptation

Misdirection

Mistakes made

Idols raised

Why can't we

Get it straight

Follow with

All our heart

Hearts broken

Churches split

Families

Torn apart

Where are you

When we fall

Rescues us

Father, father

Chorus x2

How I Dream of Shabbat

Friday preparations--clean the house, balance the budget, prepare a meal large enough to last into sunday, set the table, prepare our hearts.

Light the candles to set apart the Shabbat. Open with kiddush and family blessings. Maybe have a guest for dinner. Leave the computers and cell phones off. Spend the evening as a family, eating together, playing together, studying together, talking together, worshiping together. Stare at the stars as they come out. This is our date with God. Music and dancing are encouraged.

Saturday morning sleep in a little (but not too much). Gather with other believers for food and fellowship. Pray. Listen to a short teaching. Midrash. Dance. Worship. Play games. Get lost in the Shabbat until night falls and the stars come out. Mark the end with Havdalah--the flame, the wine, and the spices.

Take the holiness of the Shabbat with us into the new week.

Another Free Write

Seems to be another one of those unbloggerly days. Er, weeks...month? I usually have so much to write about--what's up now?

Part of it's the holidays. I've been trying to avoid that discussion, but it's the one that keeps trying to pop up. Facebook actually looks tamer this year than it has in the past (or maybe it's just me). I haven't noticed as many anti-Christmas posts.

Then, I've also been busy. Was sick one weekend, visited home another weekend. Recovering from nanowrimo. Trying to get back into working on my story. Have I really been that busy though? I suppose part of it is simply that I've gotten out of the habit. After a month without blogging, you start to just forget about it.

So, where to from here? For the most part, for once, I actually feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. As I watch my first novel take shape, I feel like I am fulfilling part of what I was made for. There are a few other things too that I've finally been able to do, that before I would only dream about. It's strange--when I see what I must do but don't do it, I feel an urge to talk about it and it makes me feel better. But when I do it, the need to talk goes away. It's almost like talking about doing good becomes an empty replacement for actually doing good. I hope I make sense.

Speaking of which, one area where I still feel I lack is in Sabbath. Having a job that requires me to work on Sabbath doesn't help--but still, I feel I could do more to honor the Sabbath day as holy. To find delight in the Sabbath. It almost feels like those days when we were first starting to keep the Sabbath. Remember those days? When it was work not to work? We're so used to constantly going, it's hard to slow down. It's so hard to slow down.

How can we learn to slow down?

Made For Dancing

Inspired by Mason Clover's song "Made for Dancing", one of Yeshua's parables, and a friend on crutches

There once was a king who was preparing for his son's wedding. So he went out to find guests to dance at the wedding feast. He sent letters to all the those who had trained in dance inviting them to his feast. He said, "Come dance before me, for my son is taking a bride." But on the day of the wedding no one showed up.

So the king went out and gathered all the lame, the blind, the deaf, the mute. He took men from the prisons and took slaves from their masters. He took the sick and the elderly and the young children. He took those who didn't know their right foot from their left foot. And he brought them all to the wedding feast and commanded them saying "Dance before me."

The people replied, "We would dance before you, but we are not able. The lame cannot stand, the blind know not the way, the deaf cannot hear the melody, the mute cannot sing. We are poor and sick and shackled by our infirmities. We cannot dance."

The king said again, "Dance before me, for my son is taking a bride today!"

The people cast down their heads for they could not please the king. Then the bride, clothed beautifully in white, came forth into the room. Joy overflowed through her smile. The children saw her and were capture by her joy. They got up and ran to dance with her. The lame stood up and danced. The mute sang. The downtrodden rejoiced.

The parents saw their children healed and the joy spread to them. The whole room erupted into dancing and singing. And when it was over, they realized that they too had been healed. They too had been made strong and given feet for dancing.

Every sickness and infirmity left those who rejoiced before the king. But those who refused to rejoice had their feet shackled so that they could not dance.

___________________________

Last year at camp when I first heard the song "Made for Dancing" I looked at my friend on crutches and realized how many there are out there that dance with their heart, but cannot dance with their feet. And I realized that one day all that will change. Every sickness will be healed--the lame will walk, the deaf will hear, the blind will see, and the mute will sing.

But there are also those who are whole who will not dance. Why did God give us feet? Why did He give us hands? Why did He give us breath? All Yahweh's children were made for dancing--to praise the Father with all our heart, all our talents, all our ability. God looks for the dance in our heart. He looks for a dance that is so strong that it begins to overflow out of us so that in every part of life we will praise Him--through our voices, through our dance, through our hands, through our instruments, through our creativity, through our work, through our play, through our friendships, through our family...everything.I sometimes see life as one big dance. We are all in the circle together--facing each other, facing our Father. We move together as one to the melody our King plays, but the dance comes from the heart. And though there are those who cannot dance physically yet...they can still praise Him with the abilities God has given them. Let everything that has breath praise Yahweh. Hallelujah!

I wrote the above about a year ago. Last night these thoughts took on new meaning as I learned about Cure. Cure is an organization dedicated to changing the lives of children with curable disabilities through surgery and sharing God’s love. They’ve been traveling around with the Air1 Club Awesome tour the past couple of days, raising money to help these children. As Brant Hansen said, thanks to Cure, children who once struggled to walk are now able to dance.

If you’re looking for someplace to give this holiday season, I would encourage you to check out cure.org. To me, what they are doing is what the Kingdom is all about—giving hope to those who have none. Finally, whether you celebrate Christmas or Chanukah or whatever, I say Rejoice, for our Light has come and He has overcome the darkness!

Relationship

Can your Kingdom work get in the way of God? Can loving people take the place of loving God? Yeshua said "Love God" first and "Love your neighbor" second--but what if we get these reversed? Or can you say that you love God by loving people? I think to some extent this is true, but I don't think loving people can replace loving God.

What does it mean to pursue God with all your heart, soul, and strength? To put Him before your family, your friends, your good works, your dreams, your fears, your life purpose. We act like we are doing God a favor by asking what His purpose for our lives is. Is it not an act of grace to even have purpose? Does God owe us that much? We act like every commandment we keep is something we give to God, but is it not something God gives to us? To allow us to do what pleases Him?

If we are dust then what can we do to add or subtract from the Almighty's plan? Can we add one soul to the Kingdom by worrying if we are doing it right or whether we've found our life purpose? Is not every soul in His hands?

I often say we are the hands and feet of God, and I still believe that. We are the miracle workers, the called out ones, the healers of the nations. But the work is God's. And it is to Him and Him alone that we owe our devotion and love--not the world.

I heard a piece of advice to married couples once, to always put the marriage relationship before the children. Because the first thing the children need is a Father and Mother to look to. Would this not be true in our relationship with God as well? Do we not need to put that relationship with God before our work for God?

Is God enough? Or must you add purpose, good works, fulfillment, etc.? Think about it. If God said to step back from family, from ministry, from service, just to spend a little time with Him, could you do it? Or do our good works keep us so occupied that we've lost time for God?

Life is an adventure. God reaches out His hand and calls us to come with Him. His Kingdom is under His control. His plan is being executed perfectly. The people around you--they're in His hands. The only thing that matters between you and Him is your heart. Does it belong to Him? When emotions fade and works fall away, does your heart belong to God?

I don't know the answers to these questions, but they've caused me to pause and think. Am I pursuing God or a feeling? Am I pursuing God or good works? Am I pursuing God or a sense of fulfillment and purpose? I'm not saying these other things are bad. But is it possible that they can distract us from true relationship?